Chizh & Сo - Дверь в лето (Dver' v leto) (English translation)

Proofreading requested
Russian

Дверь в лето (Dver' v leto)

Меня побили камнями
На детской площадке,
Я ушёл чуть живым,
Я скрывался в чужом районе,
Но собаки нашли мой след
И грызут за пятки,
Я устал считать,
Сколько суток идёт погоня...
 
Я царапался в двери
В поисках Двери в Лето,
Где коты, если верить Хайнлайну,
Живут, как дома.
Но и там находили,
Орали и шли по следу,
Параллельный мир
Оказался до боли знакомым.
 
Я не знаю, чем вызываю злость:
Никому не мешал,
Всю жизнь починял свой примус,
Не брал их игрушек,
Не воровал их кость,
Не перебегал им путь
И не целился в спину.
 
Да я даже не знаю,
Что там, за Дверью в Лето,
Может, это задрочка
Типа Тома и Джерри,
Может, просто тупик
И в поисках смысла нету,
Но должны же коты, пёс возьми,
Во что-нибудь верить!
 
И я мечтаю о лете
Под грустным осенним дождём,
Спрятав свой хвост трубой
За мусорный бак.
Ведь любой дурак знает -
Кошке нужен дом,
Хотя б уголок,
Просто укрытие,
От злых детей и собак.
 
Submitted by Alexander Laskavtsev on Wed, 23/05/2018 - 09:51
Align paragraphs
English translation

The Door into Summer

They threw stones at me
On the playground
I escaped barely alive,
I was hiding in another disctrict,
But dogs picked up my scent,
and now they're biting my heels
I grew tired of counting
How many days the chase lasted
 
I was scratching the doors
Looking for the Door into Summer
Where the cats according to Heinlein
Feel at home.
But they found me even there,
They shouted and went on chasing,
The parallel world
turned out painfully familiar.
 
I don't know why they get so enraged at me:
I never messed with anyone,
All my live I've been repairing my primus,1
I didn't take their toys,
I didn't steal their bones,
I didn't cross their way
And didn't aim at their backs.
 
Gosh, I don't even know
what's there, behind the Door into Summer,
Maybe this is a bad joke,
Kinda "Tom and Jerry",
Maybe there is a dead end there
And there's no sense to look for it,
But the cats must, Dog damned,
believe in something!
 
And I dream about Summer
Under the sad autumn rain
Hiding my lively tail
behind the trashbin
For any fool knows -
A cat needs a home,
At least a corner,
Just a shelter,
From evil kids and dogs.
 
  • 1. A reference to Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita". Idiomatic meaning is "I was engaged in my own affairs"
Please don't hesitate to correct me, especially if the translation language is your native language.
With Best Regards,
© Alexander Laskavtsev
Submitted by Alexander Laskavtsev on Wed, 23/05/2018 - 15:16
Added in reply to request by Green_Sattva
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Collections with "Дверь в лето (Dver' ..."
Idioms from "Дверь в лето (Dver' ..."
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Comments
Green_Sattva    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 15:55

Thank you for translation.
Tiny remarks:
-Никому не мешал -->I never hurt anybody,
To me "hurt' sounds a little bit too much. How about "disturb" ?

-You should use either "must" (without "to") or "have to".

St. Sol    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 15:28

Никому не мешал = I never messed with anyone.

Alexander Laskavtsev    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 06:12

Thanks a lot. I didn't know that phrase, so I used something, that is close to that... ^)

petit élève    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 15:46

What a nice and funny song! I enjoyed it very much!

They beated me with stones -> that would be "beat", but that would mean they hit him with stones in their hands. "they threw stones at me" seems more likely.

И грызут за пятки -> "and now they're biting my heels" or something? The transition from past to present sounds a bit harsh to me if you don't start it with this line.

the chase lasts -> I'd rather say "lasted" but expressions of time are not my forte, so @Gavin would probably offer a better solution. "counting the days since the chase started" maybe?

why do I cause the rage -> "I don't know why people get so mad/enraged at me" sounds more usual to me, but again I might be wrong.

задрочка -> "trolling" sounds pretty off to me. "a joke" maybe?

Dog damned -> very good!

cats must to believe -> no "to" there, unless you change "must" for "ough" or "have"

A cat needs home -> a home

Green_Sattva    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 15:56

I like "Dog damned" too! Regular smile
In English it sounds even better than in Russian Regular smile

Green_Sattva    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 16:02

By the way, I've never heard the word "задрочка" before and I have no idea what does that mean Sad smile

petit élève    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 16:10

according to some Russian dictionary it's either an inconsequential thing or a joke/myth, but I can't say I ever saw the word before. Then again, it's quicker to count the words I remember seeing somewhere.

Green_Sattva    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 16:34

Now I found it in the dictionary
https://argo.academic.ru/1748/%D0%B7%D0%B0%D0%B4%D1%80%D0%BE%D1%87%D0%BA...

Quote:

1. Очень неприятная нудная мелочь, сильно портящая всё или отравляющая жизнь, очень надоедающая и плохо поддающаяся исправлению.
2. Долгая постоянная тренировка или обучение чему-то путём многократного повторения одного или нескольких действий и доведение навыка до автоматизма. Или постоянное выполнение аналогичных действий. Заучивание. «Задрачивание». Действие, которым всю жизнь занимаются задроты.

1. Вот из-за этой задрочки у меня машина ни х#$ не заводится!
2. Я уже третий месяц ассемблер задрачиваю. Молодежный сленг

Олег Л.    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 16:16

Задрочка - многократное повторение одного или нескольких действий.

Alexander Laskavtsev    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 06:15

I understand this (according to my experience of using russian slang) as "trying to make someone annoyed" or something like that. So the "trolling" seems like fits here well (IMHO) So, that is really "a joke", but a very unpleasant joke to its object Regular smile

petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 07:14

"a bad/nasty joke" might work too I guess.

Gavin    Wed, 23/05/2018 - 15:53

Yes, I would either say "and now they're biting my heels" as you suggest. Or just say "...and bit my heels" keeping it in the past.

similarly:
I've got tired to count/ How many days the chase lasts = > I grew tired of counting / How many days the chase lasted

But they were finding me even there => But they found me even there

I agree with the other suggestions too Regular smile

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 07:23

Out of interest do we know what this "Door into Summer" is? And the Heinlein reference - is that the sci-fi author?
Feel I'm missing something here Regular smile

Green_Sattva    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 07:40

Door into Summer is a sience fiction story, written by Hainlein

petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 07:44

The guy who wrote "Starship troopers", among many other things. Some of his novels look like they've been written by a quasi-fascist, others by a beatnik. There is no doubt he had a brilliant mind, whatever his opinions.
"The door into summer" is about time travel. That's a pretty weird story, to say the truth. I don't remember much of it, but there is a love story between the main character and a very young teenage girl that stuck me as slightly creepy. Lots of terribly wrong predictions about what the 70's and 2000's would look like too Regular smile

Green_Sattva    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 07:47
Quote:

Dan's only friend in the world is his cat, "Pete", a feisty tomcat who hates going outdoors in the snow.

Quote:

Дэвис всюду носит Пита в сумке, поит его имбирным пивом и кормит едой из ресторана.

Alexander Laskavtsev    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 07:49

Yes you are right, and btw, I read that wonderful novel, for I am a fan of sci-fi Regular smile

petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 08:07

I quite like some of Heinlein's books too, but this one is not my favourite, despite the likeable cat Regular smile
My favourites would rather be "The moon is a harsh mistress", "Double star" or "Stranger in a strange land".
I used to be fascinated by "Starship troopers" as a kid, but the militaristic stench eventually put me off that one Regular smile

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 08:28

It appears that the ones I mainly read are now categorised as his 'juveniles' - Have spacesuit - will travel, Starman Jones, Time for the Stars... But I remember reading 'Job' when it first came out, that was an odd one!

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 08:05

Ah thanks both - I read a lot of Heinlein as a kid but I missed this one. I guess some judicious googling would have found that out but for some reason I thought I was probably barking up the wrong tree! Regular smile
Agreed, when I first read it it seemed like wholesome "boys' own adventure" type stuff but some of it is borderline fascist on re-reading. As brilliantly sent up in Paul Verhoeven's movie of Starship Troopers. And then some of it is weirdly trippy fantasy stuff (I remember Glory Road as particularly mental)!

Alexander Laskavtsev    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 08:19

Thank you all for your help. Quite often my English translations have lack of attention of natives, so I always glad to read your suggestions. Regular smile

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 09:11

Out of interest did any of you ever read the Dragonfall 5 series of books? I loved these as a child. Regular smile

petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 10:12

Can't say I ever heard of this spaceship before Regular smile

As a young teen I would rather read the classics like Asimov, Van Vogt or this wonderful macho-xenophobic "the star kings" and "return to the stars" Teeth smile
I absolutely loved the Dominic Flandry short stories. Only a few were translated in French but I read them time and again. The best space opera I've ever enjoyed, complete with exotic planets, devious spies, frightful lizard men as main bad guys, a perfect nemesis for the refined and cynical hero, against the backdrop of a still powerful but hopelessly decadent Terran space empire that could only hope to delay its inevitable downfall a bit longer. The analogy with the Roman and Austro-Hungarian empires was rather obvious, but Anderson was clever enough to disguise it under a neat layer of sci-fi gizmos. Brilliant stuff !

My other great passion was Cordwainer Smith's "lords of instrumentality" universe. Incredibly imaginative. Not all the stories are great, but some are quite unique, like "scanners live in vain" or the "game of cats and dragons" that made him famous. Some less known stories like "think blue, count three" are pure moments of bizarre poetry.

And there was also Theodore Sturgeon. His stories were always about people, the sci-fi was only there to create improbable situations. Some are the most poetic sci-fi I ever read, even better than Bradbury's at times. "The man who lost the sea" or "A touch of your hand", for instance.

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 10:41

Yeah, I was raised on Asimov and Clarke, and discovered a rich vein of Heinlein in the school library. Also read a lot of random sci-fi from my parents' shelves but don't think I ever read Poul Anderson although I've certainly heard the name. Sounds like the sort of thing I would enjoy. Cordwainer Smith had also slipped under my radar but sounds compelling.

I've read some Bradbury and it's very variable - some of it goes into quite odd fantasy realms again. And I mainly know Theodore Sturgeon as the inspiration for Kurt Vonnegut's 'Kilgore Trout' character...

Who in turn published "Venus on the half shell" despite not actually existing (was actually written by Philip José Farmer)

I've surely read some Theodore Sturgeon in the numerous short story compilations I devoured but not any novels. Someone else to add to the list. Regular smile

petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 11:38

When I think of it, I was quite the sci-fi junkie in my younger years. I have tried a lot of classic author, from H.G. Wells to Dann Simons. I kind of lost touch with the genre after the 90's though.

Besides the one I already mentioned, I'd say my best memories go to John Brunner ("Stand on Zanzibar", "The sheep look up"), Ursula Le Guin ("The word for world is forest", "the left hand of darkness"), Dann Simons (the Hyperion tetralogy), Iain Banks (The Culture series, especially "Use of weapons" and "Excession" though the violence goes quite a bit over the top at times), and this weird but clever French author René Barjavel ("Le voyageur imprudent", "Ravage", "La nuit des temps")

Green_Sattva    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 11:40

Oh, I just love Ursula Le Guin!
"The left hand of darkness" is my favourite one

petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 11:46

Yes, certainly one of my favourite authors. The Earthsea trilogy is beautiful too, though it's fantasy rather than science fiction. My all-time favourite of hers is a collection of four short stories called "Four ways to forgiveness". I actually translated the first one before someone tought of publishing a French version, but after reading it I had to admit I was just an amateur Regular smile

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 14:01

Yep similar, with Iain M Banks being the only more recent one. I loved those books though, even if I do know what you mean about the occasional violence. Not because it's graphic so much as occasionally deeply unsettling. Use of Weapons did particularly disturb me too at the time!
I am looking forward to rereading them all, now that there won't be any new ones. Sad smile

Talking of French authors, apparently I can claim this chap as a distant relative 1. Ever read any?

  • 1. Great great great great great grandfather
petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 12:36

Oh, Mercier is a great-great-...-great uncle of yours? Fancy that! I know him by name but I never read his book.

Banks really had a vivid imagination. A culture where spaceships have a mind on their own, quadri-dimentional entities roam among humans, people chat with hundred kilometer tall sentient trees or play squash with giant squids is quite entertaining. Still the horrible origin of this "chairmaker" nickname tends to make my skin crawl even now!

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 12:43

Yes apparently so - I really should track down the book! Regular smile

Yeah, Banks had a nasty imagination at times. Sounds like you were traumatised by exactly the same bit as me... There are a few deeply unsettling moments in his non-sci-fi (or maybe just 'fi') work too. But wonderful imaginative writing. The shell world of 'Matter' was rather brilliant!

petit élève    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 11:52

Well nobody mentioned the great Philp K Dick yet. He's such an obvious master I suppose everyone took him for granted Regular smile

Interesting, this author of yours managed to slip under my radar. Maybe she wasn't translated into French much or something? I shall have a closer look though.

Green_Sattva    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 12:22

I like Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams TV-series

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 12:34

I found that incredibly variable - excellent one week and then completely 'meh' another. Not a patch on Black Mirror, despite its excellent credentials. Regular smile

I enjoyed reading the serialized "Stainless Steel Rat" in the old 2000ad comics!

/edit - wait, that was Harry Harrison wasn't it...

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 12:35

I hope you don't object to your comments area becoming an open forum for sci-fi discourse! Regular smile

Gavin    Thu, 24/05/2018 - 13:42

Excellent! Pull up a (hover) chair Wink smile