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Lost on You (French translation)

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Proofreading requested
French translation

Perdu en toi

Ces derniers temps je me perds en toi,
tu m'as fait faire des choses que je ne croyais jamais que je ferais.
Je n'ai jamais passé si longtemps dans une bataille perdue,
mas récemment céder ne semble pas être important..
 
Chaque jour je suis esclave du coeur brisé
tu dépéris chaque nuit.
Je ne veux pas te laisser seule
mais je suis à court d'amour cette fois.
Tu sais que je t'adore
bien que je n'aie pas pu assez te donner.
J'espère que tu seras en sûreté dans les bras d'un autre
car je ne peux pas supporter le poids de ton amour.
 
Ces derniers temps je me perds en toi.
J'ai détruit ton monde comme si ce n'était rien de nouveau,
je n'ai jamais autant saigné quand je n'y étais pas obligé,
j'ai renoncé à la vie aurait pu suivre.
 
Chaque jour je suis esclave du coeur brisé
tu dépéris chaque nuit.
Je ne veux pas te laisser seule
mais je suis à court d'amour cette fois.
Tu sais que je t'adore
bien que je n'aie pas pu assez te donner.
J'espère que tu seras en sûreté dans les bras d'un autre
car je ne peux pas supporter le poids to ton amour.
 
Je retenais ton âme
mais j'ai laché prise, je t'ai laissée partir.
J'aurais dû nous soutenir, tous les deux.
 
Chaque jour je suis esclave du coeur brisé
tu dépéris chaque nuit.
Je ne veux pas te laisser seule
mais je suis à court d'amour cette fois.
Tu sais que je t'adore
bien que je n'aie pas pu assez te donner.
J'espère que tu seras en sûreté dans les bras d'un autre
car je ne peux pas supporter le poids to ton amour,
de ton amour.
J'espère que tu seras en sûreté dans les bras d'un autre
car je ne peux pas supporter le poids to ton amour,
 
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Submitted by michealt on Thu, 14/06/2018 - 10:18
Added in reply to request by Konall
Last edited by michealt on Sat, 23/06/2018 - 00:45
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
English

Lost on You

More translations of "Lost on You"
Frenchmichealt
Please help to translate "Lost on You"
Lewis Capaldi: Top 3
See also
Comments
Klou    Wed, 20/06/2018 - 12:51

Doesn't look like French Wink smile

michealt    Thu, 21/06/2018 - 18:09

Oh drat! I seem to have translated to Spanish by mistake. I will change it to French as soon as I can.

roster 31    Thu, 21/06/2018 - 18:14

Puedes añadir el francés y dejar el español.
Quiero corregírtelo.

roster 31    Thu, 21/06/2018 - 19:05

Tom, voy a empezar:
1. Primer verso - "me estoy poniendo perdido" --> "me estoy perdiendo" es suficiente.
2. "que nunca no creía" --> O 'nunca' o 'no, una sola negación. (Lo mismo en el verso siguiente).
3. No 'cederme','ceder' o 'renunciar', no "me".
Segunda estrofa:
1. "corazón roto"--> "partido" o "herido" suena mejor.
2. "aunque no podría bastante darte.' --> "auque no podría darte bastante" suena mejor.
3. "Espero que seas" --> "Espero que estés".
4. "que no puedo" --> "porque no puedo" (?)
5. En la siguiente estrofa tienes "me he dedo" --> "dado"
En la siguiente esrtofa corta, más abajo:
1. "debería haber llevado nos dos" --.> "debería haberme llevado a los dos" o "a nosotros dos".

¿Cómo va el francés?

Au revoir

michealt    Thu, 21/06/2018 - 19:52

Thanks, Rosa. I've applied your corrections to teh Spanish translation (page referenced above).
I think the French version is reasonable, but to see it you may need to tell your browser to refresh this page - the French version has been here since 19:54, so over 10 minutes before your last comment.

Klou    Fri, 22/06/2018 - 18:42

tu ma fair -> tu m'as fait
You've forgotten to translate "giving up" in the 4th line

chorus, line 7: sûre -> "en sécurité", "en sûreté"
chorus, last line: to -> de

3rd stanza, line 2: c'était -> ce n'était
"rien" requires a "ne" (like "pas" and "plus"), if you just write "c'était" without "ne" then it sounds like casual French
3rd stanza, line 3: jamaid -> jamais
I think "autant" would fit better than "tellement". In this context, "tellement" would rather mean "much" than "so much". And I'd put it between "jamais" and "saigné".
3rd stanza, last line: vivée -> vécue
but "à une vive vécue après" sounds quite weird to me, I suggest you to rephrase, like " j'ai renoncé à la vie que j'aurais vécue ensuite", "j'ai renoncé à la vie qui aurait pu suivre" or something

5th stanza, line 2: it should be "ma prise" but "j'ai lâché prise" (without "ma") would sound better.
laissé -> laissée (the tricky rule about when the past participle agrees with the complement when it's before the verb)
5th stanza, line 3: J'aurais dû
"nous supporter" will be understood as "stand" like in "I can't stand you" but in the affirmative form (I don't know how to say that)
Maybe "nous soutenir"? Or if you want to keep the idea of carrying something you can try "nous porter".
tus les dwux -> tous les deux

I've read one comment of yours where you said you don't really reread your translations. That's too bad because your French is pretty good, most of the errors are just typos. You could try to use a French online corrector, it would help you to spot half of them. I don't know what browser you're using, I'm using Firefox and it's very easy to download dictionaries in a lot of languages and then you just have to right click to switch the language.

roster 31    Fri, 22/06/2018 - 22:09

A Frenchman is giving you advise.

michealt    Sat, 23/06/2018 - 01:00

Merci beaucoup, Klou. I feel pretty stupid for things like "supporter" (a famous false friend) and even more so for "vivée" (I don't know how I came up with that, it's not a word at all let alone not the right word).

Can you point me to a decent online corrector for French, please? (preferably one the fits firefox). I stopped using correctors decades ago when they did crazy things like insisting on American spelling and demanding that correct text be changed into ungrammatical nonsense. I guess they have improved since then.

petit élève    Sat, 23/06/2018 - 01:16

notepad++ is not an online tool, but it's lightweight and very well made.
It uses DSpellCheck as a plugin, a fairly decent basic orthographic corrector.
You can install as many languages as you want, (including various flavours of English) and switch easily between them (from the "plugins" menu).
It supports GnuSpell too but I never tried it.