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Rossija (Россия) (English translation)

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Russian

Rossija (Россия)

 
Опять, как в годы золотые,
Три стертых треплются шлеи,
И вязнут спицы расписные
В расхлябанные колеи...
 
Россия, нищая Россия,
Мне избы серые твои,
Твои мне песни ветровые -
Как слезы первые любви!
 
Тебя жалеть я не умею
И крест свой бережно несу...
Какому хочешь чародею
Отдай разбойную красу!
 
Пускай заманит и обманет, -
Не пропадешь, не сгинешь ты,
И лишь забота затуманит
Твои прекрасные черты...
 
Ну что ж? Одной заботой боле -
Одной слезой река шумней
А ты все та же - лес, да поле,
Да плат узорный до бровей...
 
И невозможное возможно,
Дорога долгая легка,
Когда блеснет в дали дорожной
Мгновенный взор из-под платка,
Когда звенит тоской острожной
Глухая песня ямщика!..
 
Last edited by sandring on Wed, 05/09/2018 - 16:27
Align paragraphs
English translation (Equirhythmic)

Russia

Versions: #1#2#3
Like in the golden years, three breechings
Are flapping, frayed, on horses' rumps,
And coloured wheels are hardly reaching
The bottoms of the puddled ruts...
 
Oh Russia, indigent and needy,
I might have taken your grey huts
Your weather, so inclement and windy,
For the first tears of broken hearts
 
On you I cannot take compassion
I bear my cross on the qui vive...
To any charmer who's well-fashioned
Your wild rogue beauty you may give.
 
Let him allure and then deceive you -
You will not die, nor will you rot;
And it's concern that will perceiv'dly
Distort the lineaments you've got...
 
It will be just one of the forfeits,
Just one more teardrop in the stream;
You'll stay the same, all woods and cornfields,
And eyebrows, with inwrought shawls trimmed...
 
And the infertile is fruit-bringing,
The road will seem so smooth though long
When from afar a gaze is blinking
From under shawl coming along;
When, as like prisonous anguish ringing,
There wafts a muffled coachman's song!..
 
Submitted by Brat on Wed, 12/09/2018 - 18:23
Comments
petit élève    Wed, 12/09/2018 - 18:58

Looks like you outdid yourself here, Brother.
That reads very well indeed, rhymes and all.
You even managed to add a subtle French touch Wink smile

I could find very little to nitpick about:

liniaments -> lineaments

as like -> sounds like "as like as two peas", but I don't think that works here.
I don't suppose you could simply change the "like" in "a" or something like that?

I was surprised by "prisonous", but Dickens himself used it, apparently.

@Gavin, I bet you won't regret having a look at this Regular smile

Gavin    Wed, 12/09/2018 - 19:30

Well that's somewhat astounding!
You manage to find English that would baffle most Englishmen - but I cannot disagree with any of it Regular smile

Is there a reason for the French flavour of certain lines? (Allure, qui vive)

Brat    Thu, 13/09/2018 - 18:30
petit élève wrote:

Looks like you outdid yourself here, Brother.
That reads very well indeed, rhymes and all.
You even managed to add a subtle French touch Wink smile

All for your pleasure!

petit élève wrote:

I could find very little to nitpick about:

What a pity!

petit élève wrote:

liniaments -> lineaments

But oops, I did it. Teeth smile

petit élève wrote:

as like -> sounds like "as like as two peas", but I don't think that works here.
I don't suppose you could simply change the "like" in "a" or something like that?

Well, I was taught at school not to use "as like" because it was declared "a mixture of comparison (as) and simile (like)". But having listened to native speakers, I understood that it's rather common in spoken English, and, moreover, it was common long-long ago... When a person doesn't know, generally, whether to use "as" or "like", "as like" will be the most probable output. Of course, it's not quite correct from the grammarians' viewpoint, but Gavin might have another opinion... And again, "like" is a common meaningless filler, so it could be treated as this. As for the "a" filler, I don't think it would fit any better because "anguish" here stands as a mass noun, so it shouldn't be aligned with the indefinite article. But it's a subject of personal choice, I think. I also considered "imprisoned anguish", as if the anguish was imprisoned in the coachman who sings but then I thought that it would have been somewhat far from the original. So I decided to use that "prisonous" that surprised you.

Gavin wrote:

Is there a reason for the French flavour of certain lines? (Allure, qui vive)

Well, after Willie The Conqueror conducted his raid on the Islands, there's always some reason for this. Wink smile As for the "allure", I used it because of its phonaesthetic properties which met the phonetic and semantic requirements perfectly. In the second case, "on the qui vive" is the closest in its meaning to what was meant by the author. In other words, the cross is being borne "with precaution". The author used this expression to minimize the sense of motion implied by the verb "to bear". Since "qui vive?" was a motionless sentry's challenge, this might work...

petit élève    Thu, 13/09/2018 - 18:49

You put a lot of thought into this, and it shows.

I was not familiar with this "as like" but I'll add it to my lexicon.

The French "être sur le qui vive" would give a slight twist to "бережно", something between "cautiously" and "warily". I think it fits very well in that context.
I suppose that nuance carries over in English too, though I couldn't say I saw "qui vive" used that often on the other side of the Pond Regular smile

Gavin    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 13:12

I learnt "être sur le qui vive" watching Sherlock Yack. Wink smile
https://youtu.be/2JOSqujE3S0

Nom de dri de nom de dzo!

Never heard it in English though...

petit élève    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 13:14

Haha the little weasel is as cute as ever.

Brat    Thu, 13/09/2018 - 18:56
petit élève wrote:

You put a lot of thought into this, and it shows. I was not familiar with this "as like" but I'll add it to my lexicon.

And it could also be "like as" in poetry. Wink smile

petit élève wrote:

The French "être sur le qui vive" would give a slight twist to "бережно", something between "cautiously" and "warily". I think it fits very well in that context. I suppose that nuance carries over in English too, though I couldn't say I saw "qui vive" used that often on the other side of the Pond Regular smile

Well, The Channel is much narrower than the Pond... Teeth smile But nevertheless "the othersiders" tend to have the upper hand. Wink smile

sandring    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 12:53

When Gavin says that you, Brat, outdid the English he means they don't speak like that. I've always admired British humour. Very subtle, indeed. Regular smile

Я тебя, Брат, очень уважаю, но тут все не в кассу. Очень накручено-наверчено, форма преобладает над содержанием, а смысл теряется. Я бы сказала так. You outdid the English and outsmarted Blok. Sorry, dear.

petit élève    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 13:25

Well that's a baroque interpretation bearing Brat's unmistakable mark, but why not?
There is a couple other versions for people who'd rather like a more restrained rendition Regular smile

sandring    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 13:38

Вот, например, вопросы: 1/ трепаться (definition) - either to flap in the wind like a banner or drag on the ground getting soiled Which is your case? 2/ Why is Russia needy? It's from the site about lonely women rather Regular smile 3/ And coloured wheels are hardly reaching the bottoms (typo?) It's about something or somebody who sort of flies, than drags 4/ I might have taken ???? Is the poet not sure? And he loves the songs that the wind spreads or wafts, not the weather. 5/Why is your charmer well-fashioned? A French lover? Regular smile
6/ qui vive Aha, she was seduced by a Frenchman who taught her a bit of French as a goodbye present 7/ Rogue??? beauty - I wouldn't like to be paid such a compliment, even as a joke 8/ Concern is OK but distorted lineaments call for a plastic surgeon (another French charmer?) 9/ Forfeit??? Is Russia being accused of a murder? Not in those times Regular smile 10/Eyebrows trimmed with shawls? A gentleman knows nothing about eyebrow trimming anyway. Eyebrow trimming: je n'ai rien à dire Wink smile 11/ Brat, a gaze is when you nearly stop blinking, neither can it blink itself 12/ When as like - that's much too much, isn't it? 13/ anguish can't be prisonous, it may be the result of being in prison 14/ to waft is an a transitive verb/ The wind wafts songs. Разносить что-то, не разноситься. 
Sorry, Brat, I mean well,  let's hug it up! Regular smile
 

petit élève    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 13:57

Eyebrow trimming: je n'ai rien à dire Teeth smile

Brat would be a prize recruit for the Oulipo, indeed.
It's high time to create a Russian branch of the movement!

Brat    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 17:52

OMG, there are so many questions!
Should I answer all of them? I think, I shouldn't. At least a decent dictionary could answer the majority of them, especially those concerning countable/uncountable nouns along with transitive/intransitive verbs.
Not saying about the blinking gaze and needy Russia trimm'd in inwrought shawls...... Regular smile

petit élève    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 14:16

Ok, what about this:

Je suis le ténébreux, — le veuf, — l'inconsolé,
Le prince d'Aquitaine à la tour abolie :
Ma seule étoile est morte, — et mon luth constellé
Porte le soleil noir de la Mélancolie.

Dans la nuit du tombeau, toi qui m'as consolé,
Rends-moi le Pausilippe et la mer d'Italie,
La fleur qui plaisait tant à mon cœur désolé,
Et la treille où le pampre à la rose s'allie.

Suis-je Amour ou Phébus ?... Lusignan ou Biron ?
Mon front est rouge encor du baiser de la reine ;
J'ai rêvé dans la grotte où nage la sirène...

Et j'ai deux fois vainqueur traversé l'Achéron :
Modulant tour à tour sur la lyre d'Orphée
Les soupirs de la sainte et les cris de la fée.

written backwards, syllable for syllable, still using valid French words:

Fellah, décris-les, tes seins las de pire soûle,
Fédor, relie l'azur tour à tour lent du mot
Rond qu'hélas est vers traqueur — vingt fois de jet — et
Reine si l'âge n'a tout gros, là, dans vert et jais.

Haine : l'art d'Eusèbe éduque orge enroué : front. Mon
Rond, bille où, niant s'il eut bus, faire, où mou, jà, suit.
Lis ça : zéro ! l'âpre à Pan, le Youtre là et
Les eaux des cœurs montent à temps et plaisent qui fleurent là.

Lis ! T'as dit « Merle happé » ? Lis : Zippo le moirant
Laisse au con maquis, toi, beau tondu, nuis l'Adam
Lit collant mais là, de noir : l'aye ! sot le porte !

Laisse tes cons ! Lutte ! Monte et mords l'étoile et ce mât
Lies borate où la natte est Kid à serein l'hep !
Les sauts qu'on l'un : veuf, l'Hébreu n'était. Le suis-je ?

If you manage to pull the same kind of trick with Essenin or Blok, I bet you'll be made head of the Russian Oulipo office.

Brat    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 16:11
Quote:

РАЗИН

Заклятье двойным теченьем речи, двояковыпуклая речь

Я Разин со знаменем Лобачевского логов.
Во головах свеча, боль; мене ман, засни заря.

1. ПУТЬ

Сетуй, утес!
Утро чорту!
Мы, низари, летели Разиным.
Течет и нежен, нежен и течет.
Волгу див несет, тесен вид углов.
Олени. Синело.
Оно.
Ива пук. Купавы.
Лепет и тепел
Ветел, летев,
Топот.
Эй, житель, лети же!
Иде беляна, ныня лебеди.
Косо лети же, житель осок!
Взять язв.
Мака бури рубакам.
Вол лав — валов!
Потоп
И
Топот!
А гор рога:
О-го-го!
Шарашь!
Эвона нанове!
Женам мечем манеж!
Женам ман нож!
Медь идем! Медь идем!
Топора ропот
У крови воркуй.
Ура жару.
Не даден.
Мечам укажу мужа кумачем!
Гор рог:
Раб, нежь жен бар!
Гор рог:
Раб бар!
Бар раб!
Летел.
Вона панов,
Эвона панове,
Ворог осок косогоров.
Пресен серп
Ворона норов,
Нет, ворона норов — тень!
Зарежут, туже раз!
Холоп — сполох,
Холоп — переполох,
Лап пан напал.
Волгу с ура, парус углов!
Косо лети же, житель осок!

(C) Велимир Хлебников, 1920
Wink smile

petit élève    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 18:32

The work of your great-grandfather, no doubt?

Brat    Fri, 14/09/2018 - 18:35

Nope, but I wish I had such a G-GPa. Wink smile