Living Dead (English translation)

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Proofreading requested
Japanese

Living Dead

しわの数だけ まさる面を
亡骸、煮込む 釜処にくベろ
 
吊せ老いぼれを むし返せ略奪を
歉弱に染まる 野郎だけぶちまわせ
 
振りかざせ短刀を 練り歩け街を
死にぞこないの 生首をかかげ
 
狂えこの時間に 自惚れろ自分に
城壁を破り 踏みにじれ政権を
 
Once In My Live I'd Like To Own
Something Outright Before It's Broken
 
Once In My Live I'd Like To Own
Something Outright Before It's Broken
 
Submitted by Laurence02 on Sat, 06/01/2018 - 11:52
Last edited by Laurence02 on Mon, 29/10/2018 - 18:03
Align paragraphs
English translation

Living Dead

Throw only the number of wrinkles, the increasing masks,
the corpses, mixed together in the iron pot, on the fire.
 
Beat up the hung-up old fools, the reheated pillages,
only the people tainted with unsatisfactory weakness.
 
Raise your daggers, march through the towns,
hoist up the heads of the doddering old men.
 
In these crazed times, toward the me who is conceited,
trample underfoot the administration, which is escaping the ramparts.
 
Once In My Live I'd Like To Own
Something Outright Before It's Broken
 
Once In My Live I'd Like To Own
Something Outright Before It's Broken
 
Submitted by Laurence02 on Mon, 29/10/2018 - 18:20
Last edited by Laurence02 on Sun, 09/12/2018 - 14:04
Author's comments:

I did my best.

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
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Comments
BreezyDay    Thu, 06/12/2018 - 23:39

I don't know Japanese, but wow, you chose a challenging and poetic song.

I think you intended to type "men" but accidentally typed "me" in the 4th stanza.

Laurence02    Sun, 09/12/2018 - 14:03

I didn't, unfortunately. I changed it up a bit, which I hope will make it more clear.

BreezyDay    Sun, 09/12/2018 - 22:13

My apologies!!! It sounds very good.