Жить в твоей голове (Zhit' v tvoyey golove) (English translation)

  • Artist: Zemfira (Земфира)
  • Song: Жить в твоей голове (Zhit' v tvoyey golove) 11 translations
  • Translations: Croatian, English #1, #2, French, Greek, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, Slovak, Spanish, Turkish
English translation (metered, rhyming, singable)
A A

To Live Inside Your Head

Versions: #1#2
To live inside your head.
And to love you desperately, excessively.
To live inside your head.
And to kill you unknowingly, unintentionally.
Unknowingly, unintentionally.
 
We listened [to] the Pacific ocean
We saw cities and the skies.
Believed in the never-ending passion.
We thought it would last whole life.
 
To live inside your head.
And to love you desperately, excessively.
To live inside your head.
And to kill you unknowingly, unintentionally.
Unknowingly, unintentionally.
 
We got lost in the total gloom.
We switched on lights to full glow.
We collapsed like heavens in the room.
We were left there all alone.
 
To live inside your head.
And to love you desperately, excessively.
To live inside your head.
And to kill you unknowingly, unintentionally.
Unknowingly, unintentionally.
 
To live inside your head.
 
© Schnurrbrat
Critique is always welcomed (proof-read or not, negative too).
Submitted by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Tue, 14/05/2019 - 03:56
Last edited by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Wed, 15/05/2019 - 16:17
Author's comments:

It is a rhymed translation, please comment on alternative version of verse 2: Which one is better?

We listened [to] the Pacific ocean
We saw cities on the shore.
Believed in the never-ending passion.
We thought of forevermore.

Жить в твоей голове (Zhit' v tvoyey golove)

Comments
Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 03:39

We switched on lights in excess > (Don't understand this line)
We were left all by ourselves. > "We were left completely alone."

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 03:44

Thanks will think about L1 a bit more.
Whats wrong with L2?

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Thu, 16/05/2019 - 06:24

We were left all by ourselves.
Factually, nothing is "wrong" with it, except it sounds weird.
We would say something like.
"We were left to our own devices." (We were left to do whatever we wanted)
"We were left completely alone." or "We were left all alone" (Everyone one else left, but only we remained behind. Similar to "Everyone abandoned us")

I just can't think of any time I would ever say "We were left all by ourselves."
I would say "We were all alone" or "We were by ourselves." or "We were all by our lonesome. {That's rather Southern dialect}"

Nothing wrong with the meaning. Everyone would understand you, but it just sounds weird. Sorry.

I guess it sounds weird because "We were ALL by ourselves" seems like your saying "We ALL were by ourselves." So, it sounds strange to say that "everyone (as a group)" was alone.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Thu, 16/05/2019 - 06:25

Thanks, Phil.
I actually changed this line completely to form better rhyme, but still stand by my comment, that it could be used and is used.
I never use lonesome, except for the doves.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 03:59

We thought of forevermore —> I think they thought that “it” (what they had) is (will be) forever

We collapsed like heavens in the room. —> sounds impressing, but IMHO, it’s just a sky falling deal. Wink smile
We were left all by ourselves. -> I am with Phil on this. Ваш перевод звучит больше как «Наумы себя оставили на произвол судьбы»

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 04:25

Thanks, Igeethecat.
Re: Forevermore.
Much depends on the original lyrics, how they are presented. At current version it looks like a mini-speech, which i think is wrong. Hopefully it would be edited. I agree that they thought their thing was forever. But it also could be interpreted that they're thinking about some promise in the past: "Forevermore!" (or until death .... apart")
Обрушились небом в комнате. > the original sounds impressive and unorthodoxal too, and i believe my translation is correct one. It is unusual line in the source, and i believe my interpretation is [super?] close to the original. Plus it makes the syllable count! Tongue smile
We were left all by ourselves > this phrase/line is legit! If you guys have different version for this, it doesn't mean i can't use mine. But i still thinking cause can't find better rhyme in L1, pointed by Phil, so maybe will rearrange rhymes there.
? : can i drop [to] before the Pacific ocean?
EDIT: I've found some moves with rhymes in this stanza.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 04:27

What is wrong with the original presentation? How else it could be presented?

Если небо супер близко к небесам и рай рушится повседневно и непринуждённо в комнатах - тогда конечно, вопрос только в подсчёте слогов Regular smile

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 04:48

1) without quotation marks?
2) i see what you mean there, imho, "heavens" not necessarily religious context, this word could have firmament meaning.
But i will think a bit more. - found a rhyme to "alone" in a blink!
PS. it is always the syllable count!

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 05:16

Without quotation marks будет не по-русски - навсегда не думают, а другого там не слышится. Или я что-то не понимаю?

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Wed, 15/05/2019 - 05:23

скорее я что-то не понимаю. Sad smile
My version would be: И думали - навсегда. But likely it is indeed speech, regardless of sentence, you're right.