Hello
I need proofreading of another song by Anna Eriksson, Iso ikävä.
https://lyricstranslate.com/en/anna-eriksson-iso-ik%C3%A4v%C3%A4-lyrics....
Lyrics:
Joka ilta hän lapsensa nukkumaan peittää pehmoisiin vuoteisiin
Sitten ajaa hän vanhalla autollaan lähimpään kaupunkiin
Kiertää kylmiä katuja itsekseen suuntaa suurelle kukkulalle
Josta nähdä voi kaupungin valoineen nähdä voi melkein kaikkialle
Hän vääntää täysille autoradion ja antaa kyynelten tulla
Hänen sisällään sellainen suru on joka väisty ei valehtelulla
Iso ikävä hiukan helpottaa kun Jimi vonguttaa kitaraa
Tai laulaa rakkaudesta Elton John kaikki melkein hyvin on
Iso ikävä hetkeks hellittää kun silmät sulkee ja kuuntelee
Kuinka lauluissa kaikki selviää ja kaipuu kalpenee
Joka ainoa yö yhä uudestaan istuu siellä hän yksinään
Kerää voimia päivään taas nousevaan kaipaa mennyttä eilistään
Ihan kohta kai autonsa starttaa hän lähtee kotiinsa kukkulalta
Ehkä huomenna itkee hän vähemmän ehkä heikkenee tuskan valta
Mut vielä tänään sen autoradion hän antaa täysillä soittaa
Hänen sisällään sellainen suru on jota millään ei muuten voi voittaa
Iso ikävä hiukan helpottaa kun Jimi vonguttaa kitaraa
Tai laulaa rakkaudesta Elton John kaikki melkein hyvin on
Iso ikävä hetkeks hellittää kun silmät sulkee ja kuuntelee
Kuinka lauluissa kaikki selviää ja kaipuu kalpenee
Hän vääntää täysille autoradion ja antaa kyynelten tulla
Hänen sisällään sellainen suru on joka väisty ei valehtelulla
Iso ikävä hiukan helpottaa kun Jimi vonguttaa kitaraa
Tai laulaa rakkaudesta Elton John kaikki melkein hyvin on
Iso ikävä hetkeks hellittää kun silmät sulkee ja kuuntelee
Kuinka lauluissa kaikki selviää ja kaipuu kalpenee
my try in English:
The big yearning
Every evening he covers his children in the soft beds to sleep.
Then he drives by his old car to the nearest town.
He goes along (around) cold roads alone, heads on to the big hill.
From which (there) he can see to the city lights, he can see almost everywhere around (everything).
He turns on car radio loudly (fully) and lets tears come,
Inside of him is such a sorrow, which doesn't give way by lying (?).
Big yearning is a little bit eased when Jimi howls with (by) guitar,
or Elton John sings about love, everything is almost good.
Big yearning for a moment eases when eyes close and listen (up).
How in songs everything clears up and longing pales.
Every single night again and again he sits there alone,
gathers powers for the rising day again, misses his gone-by yesterday. (?)
Quite soon he'll probably start his car, he'll go to his house off the hill.
Maybe tomorrow he'll cry less, maybe the power of pain will weaken.
But today he still lets his car radio play loudly.
Inside of him is such a sorrow that nothing else can't overcome it. (?)
Big yearning is a little bit eased when Jimi howls with guitar,
or Elton John sings about love, everything is almost good.
Big yearning for a moment eases when eyes close and listen.
How in songs everything clears up and longing pales.
He turns on car radio loudly and lets tears come,
Inside of him is such a sorrow, which doesn't give way by lying .
Big yearning is a little bit eased when Jimi howls with guitar,
or Elton John sings about love, everything is almost good.
Big yearning for a moment eases when eyes close and listen.
How in songs everything clears up and longing pales.
"Every evening he covers his children in the soft beds to sleep." --> nothing wrong meaning wise, but I believe it's said "...he tucks his children in(to) the soft beds..." in English
"Then he drives by his old car to the nearest town." --> "...drives his old car..."
"He goes along (around) cold roads alone, heads on to the big hill." --> "around" is fine, "heads to the big hill"
"From which (there) he can see to the city lights, he can see almost everywhere around (everything)." --> "From there he can see the city lights..."
"He turns on car radio loudly (fully) and lets tears come," --> "He turns up the car radio..."/"He turns the car radio all the way up..." (I'm not sure how it's usually said in English)
"Inside of him is such a sorrow, which doesn't give way by lying (?)." --> I wouldn't say "give way" is totally incorrect, but here "väistyä" means pretty much the same as "hävitä" (fade away, disappear etc.)
"Big yearning is a little bit eased when Jimi howls with (by) guitar," --> there's no direct translation for "vonguttaa" as far as I know, but it's a little similar to "vinguttaa", so... When you say someone "vinguttaa kitaraa" (or some other intrument), they aren't playing really well, or perhaps in this case it just means that Jimi (Hendrix, I assume) plays loudly or whatever word would describe that the best... I can't come up with anything right now.
"Big yearning for a moment eases when eyes close and listen (up)." --> "when you close your eyes and listen" (no need to add the dot becauce this line continues in the next one)
"How in songs everything clears up and longing pales." --> or "fades"?
"gathers powers for the rising day again, misses his gone-by yesterday. (?)" --> "strength" could also work instead of "powers"
"Quite soon he'll probably start his car, he'll go to his house off the hill." --> "...he'll leave the hill and go home" (or something similar)
"Inside of him is such a sorrow that nothing else can't overcome it. (?)" --> "...nothing else can..."
Thanks, here is v2:
The big yearning
Every evening he tucks his children in to the soft beds to sleep.
Then he drives his old car to the nearest town.
He goes around cold roads alone, heads to the big hill.
From there he can see to the city lights, he can see almost everywhere around.
He turns on car radio all the way up and lets tears come,
Inside of him is such a sorrow, which doesn't disappear by lying.
Big yearning is a bit eased when Jimi twangs the guitar,
or Elton John sings about love, everything is almost good.
Big yearning for a moment eases when you close your eyes and listen
how in songs everything clears up and longing fades.
Every single night again and again he sits there alone,
gathers strength for the rising day again, misses his gone-by yesterday.
Quite soon he'll probably start his car, he'll go home off the hill.
Maybe tomorrow he'll cry less, maybe the power of pain will weaken.
But today he still lets his car radio play all the way up .
Inside of him is such a sorrow that nothing else can overcome it.
Big yearning is a bit eased when Jimi twangs the guitar,
or Elton John sings about love, everything is almost good.
Big yearning for a moment eases when you close your eyes and listen
how in songs everything clears up and longing fades.
He turns on car radio all the way up and lets tears come,
Inside of him is such a sorrow, which doesn't disappear by lying.
Big yearning is a little bit eased when Jimi twangs the guitar
or Elton John sings about love, everything is almost good.
Big yearning for a moment eases when you close your eyes and listen
how in songs everything clears up and longing fades.
You're welcome! I think "twang" works in the chorus, that one surely didn't come to my mind. The translation seems fine to me overall, but you'd maybe want to remove "to" from the line "From there he can see to the city lights..." since it isn't needed there.
Long ago, my father told me that if you ever want a translation of the Iliad by Homer, don't get one that's made by some professor of ancient literature at an ivy league college. That version will be completely literal and devoid of soul. Instead, get a translation that's made by a poet. The poet might change a few words here and there, but he'll convey the true meaning in language that flows and sings.
Try to translate like a poet. If your translation has awkward lines that no songwriter would ever write, don't be afraid to change them. You want to stay true to the feeling and meaning of the original lyrics, and you usually can't do that with a literal word-for-word translation.
In that spirit, here's how I would try translating this song. Feel free to use any/all of this:
****************************************************************
The Heartsickness
Every night he tucks in his children in bed
Then he drives his old car to the nearest city
Winding his way around the cold streets alone, he heads to the big hill
With the view of the city, with all its lights shining
He turns the stereo on full blast and lets the tears flow
Inside him is a sorrow that can't be avoided with lies
The heartsickness eases as Jimi's guitar howls
When Elton John sings of love, everything is almost okay
The heartsickness falls away as he closes his eyes and listens
How in songs everything clears up and the longing fades
Each and every night, he sits there alone
And gathers his strength for the new day as he longs for days gone by
Soon he'll start his car and drive home from the hill
Maybe tomorrow he'll cry less and the pain will ease
But today he still lets the stereo play at full blast
Nothing else can overcome the sorrow inside him
The heartsickness eases as Jimi's guitar howls
When Elton John sings of love, everything is almost okay
The heartsickness falls away as he closes his eyes and listens
How in songs everything clears up and the longing fades
He turns the stereo on full blast and lets the tears flow
Inside him is a sorrow that can't be evaded with lies
The heartsickness eases as Jimi's guitar howls
When Elton John sings of love, everything is almost okay
The heartsickness falls away as he closes his eyes and listens
How in songs everything clears up and the longing fades
Thanks, you said it nicely. For somebody who likes the song, a poetic translation is of course, the best. But, when learning the language, I find literal translation sometimes more helpful, as a way to learn idioms and rektions.