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Ty u Menya Odna (Ты у Меня Одна) (English translation)

  • Artist: Yuri Vizbor (Юрий Визбор)
  • Song: Ty u Menya Odna (Ты у Меня Одна) 9 translations
  • Translations: English #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, French #1, #2, German, Turkish

Ty u Menya Odna (Ты у Меня Одна)

Ты у меня одна –
Словно в ночи луна,
Словно в степи сосна,
Словно в году весна.
Нету другой такой
Ни за какой рекой.
Нет за туманами,
Дальними странами.
 
В инее провода.
В сумерках города.
Вот ведь взошла звезда,
Чтобы светить всегда.
Чтобы будить в метель.
Чтобы стелить постель.
Чтобы качать всю ночь
У колыбели дочь.
 
Вот поворот, какой
Делается с рекой.
Можешь отнять покой,
Можешь махнуть рукой,
Можешь отдать долги,
Можешь любить других,
Можешь совсем уйти,
Только свети, свети.
 
Submitted by boraarasboraaras on Sun, 23/10/2011 - 17:59
Last edited by Sophia_Sophia_ on Mon, 09/09/2019 - 17:16
English translationEnglish (equirhythmic, poetic, rhyming)
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You are my only one

Versions: #1#2#3#4#5
You are my only one:
Just like the Moon at night,
Just like a lone steppe pine,
Just like each year - springtime.
Can't find another same
Not where the river bends,
Not in the fog or rains,
Not in the far-off lands.
 
Wires are thick with frost,
Twilight descends on Earth.
High is the star tonight:
Destined to shine so bright,
Destined to wake with squalls
Destined to bring your shawls.
Destined to be with me,
Rocking our daughter's crib.
 
That's where the river's bend
Happens to find its end.
You can return your debts,
Take away peace and rest,
Let it get off your chest.
You can find love with friends,
You can depart distressed,
Only please shine your best!
 
© Schnurrbrat
Critique is always welcomed (proof-read or not, negative too).
Submitted by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Tue, 03/12/2019 - 07:56
Last edited by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Fri, 06/12/2019 - 17:20
Author's comments:

After listening this song for the 100th time, I simply had to do a quick translation of my own. The original meter is following: ^==^=^
https://vimeo.com/207763113

Comments
AlmitraAlmitra    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 08:11

If you don't mind, 42. "Словно в степи сосна" evokes a very vivid image: you don't find pines in the steppes, at least you'd be hard-pressed to do so, so if you found one, it's probably the only one of its kind. Whereas "a lonesome pine" evokes the image of a lonely pine. I'd suggest something along the lines: Just like a grass-field (wheat-field, corn-field, flat-field, etc.) pine [the rhythm and your rhyme will remain unchanged].

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 15:32

Thank you for your opinion. I personally was satisfied with this line, but not happy at all with the next.
I will think of something. "Steppe" is a monosyllabic noun, so changes are possible.
btw, my dad's favorite travel photo was of a single pine standing amidst the snow covered field, so I understand your concern there.

AlmitraAlmitra    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 18:35

Yes, that's pretty much the image I had in my head. If it helps you think, my suggestion:
Just like the Moon at night (or up high, above),
Just like a grass-field pine,
Just like each year - springtime.

Too bad the adjective "steppen" is German. Would fit like a glove.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 17:20

L2 Just like the Moon at night > yes that's better than "tonight", I also had "the Moon that shines", but I don't want to over-use this word.
L3 Just like a steppe grown pine?
L4 thx, most likely I will borrow it from you [for the sake of the origina meaning], although it ends on [^v]

AlmitraAlmitra    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 18:51

You know, I checked various combinations with steppe, and here's what I've learned.
1. The phrase "steppe grown" is very rare, so it may not sound authentic to an English speaker.
2. The adjective of "steppe" appears to be "steppe" (степной). I've seen numerous examples with steppe grass, steppe plants, etc.
So you'd probably kill two birds with one stone - keep the word "steppe" and convey the idea of singularity - if you used something like this: Just like a lone steppe pine. Your choice, of course.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 19:11

Well, thanks, Alexander.

1. The phrase "steppe grown" is very rare, so it may not sound authentic to an English speaker.
== maybe. They don't use "steppe" very often in everyday life and don't grow anything in the steppe either.
The forest grown coffee, on the other hand, is a big thing now. My concern with this expression is that it might give impression that this pine was planted/grown by someone on purpose. "steppe born" relative to the tree sounds iffy too.
2. steppe wolf - that what comes to my mind. "Lone pine" - is perfect. There is a town with such name in California. I will have to use your line again, so you are officially a co-author now.

The only downside is that my translation would use only monosyllabic words in two lines. With such tricks every translation becomes "E" lol. But I guess that getting closer to the original meaning is more important than word count.
Thanks again for help. It was a very quick translation done late night, but I felt that it is ready to be shared; and good that I did: what was fine with me, didn't work with you guys.

AlmitraAlmitra    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 19:25

I'm always happy to help. As for monosyllabic words, I agree - on the one hand, they come in handy when you need to cram as much info into a line as you can; on the other hand, too many lines with such words, and a piece of poetry may turn into a machine-gun rap song.

Pinchus ZelenogorskyPinchus Zelenogorsky    Tue, 03/12/2019 - 16:28

Мне кажется, в третьей строфе Вы несколько больше отдалились от оригинала, чем обычно.
Сосны живут где угодно, иногда и в степи вырастают. Торчат там в гордом одиночестве - именно то, что и требуется. Но я согласен с Александром: "одинокая сосна" иностранцу понятнее, чем "степная"

JadisJadis    Fri, 06/12/2019 - 14:10

Interesting. I just wondered why you decided it was "my daughter's crib", I had understood "our daughter's" ?

And of course, there is the quadruple rhyme at the beginning of each stanza, I had a hell of a time with it in French and had to get a little away from the original.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Fri, 06/12/2019 - 17:19

Thanks Jadis, of course I will change it to "our".
It was pretty easy translation done for the sake of taking a break from a difficult one. I did it late night in one go.
I will try to "read" what you've translated there, give me some times and thanks for translating this one.

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