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Не со мной (Ne So Mnoi) (English translation)

English translationEnglish (metered, poetic)
A A

Not With Me

Versions: #1#2#3
I'm collecting post stamps
From some random letters.
And my thoughts are flying,
In the wind they're scattered.
Time is moving forward,
Difficult this distance.
I won’t see you later
That’s our final meeting.
 
Not with me you’re now,
Not with me.
 
I can't get accustomed
To this foolish falseness,
You were always present,
Now you’re so much further.
Day before you watched the
Smashing Pumpkins concert.1
And I walked in circles,
Stomping golden foliage.
 
I was pouring freely
Fine Kindzmaraúli,2
And a total stranger
Sliced my sulugúni.3
She was singing lyrics,
False they were, sung badly.
And my head was pulsing:
I do need you madly.
 
Not with me you’re now,
Not with me.
 
  • 1. in the original: Agatha Christie, a Russian rock-band.
  • 2. a red semi-sweet Georgian wine from the Kakheti region.
  • 3. a brined Georgian cheese from the Samegrelo region.
Thanks!
thanked 3 times
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).

© Schnurrbrat
Critique is always welcomed (proof-read or not, negative too).

Submitted by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Thu, 22/10/2020 - 17:39
Last edited by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Sun, 25/10/2020 - 19:52
Author's comments:

super fast translation

Не со мной (Ne So Mnoi)

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Comments
IrulaIrula    Thu, 22/10/2020 - 18:02

Отличный перевод, 42!👍

Одна очепятка:

False there were, sung badly. => they were

И я поменяла и исправила бы здесь чуточку:

And my thoughts are flying,
By the winds they scattered => In the wind they’re scattered

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Thu, 22/10/2020 - 18:17

Спасибо. Беру оба.

George.GGeorge.G    Sun, 25/10/2020 - 18:46

"Day before you’ve watched"
Хм, можно ли здесь использовать Present perfect?

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