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My Fair Lady (Armenian translation)

Proofreading requested
English
English
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My Fair Lady

I fell in love
On London Bridge
With my fair lady
 
But she passed me by
For who was I
To my fair lady
 
We were strangers in the night
Two silhouettes in a lonely town
And as she went out of sight
I thought that London Bridge was falling down
 
Now my dreams consist
Of fog and mist
And my fair lady
 
Submitted by didi26didi26 on Tue, 24/07/2018 - 23:12
Armenian translationArmenian
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Իմ գեղեցիկ աղջիկը

Սիրահարվեցի
Լոնդոնի կամրջի վրա
Իմ գեղեցիկ աղջկան
 
Բայց կողքովս անցավ
Քանզի ով էի ես
Իմ գեղեցիկ աղջկա համար
 
Գիշերվա մեջ անծանոթներ էինք
Երկու ուրվագիծ միայնակ քաղաքում
Եվ երբ հեռացավ տեսադաշտից
Մտածեցի, որ Լոնդոնի կամուրջն ընկնում է
 
Այժմ երազներս են`
Մեգն ու մշուշը
Եվ իմ գեղեցիկ աղջիկը
 
Thanks!
Submitted by cph1776cph1776 on Thu, 23/09/2021 - 05:47
Last edited by cph1776cph1776 on Sun, 26/09/2021 - 01:10
The author of translation requested proofreading.
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If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Comments
cph1776cph1776    Thu, 23/09/2021 - 05:51

My first translation to Armenian. Please let me know what you think. Thank you! Շնորհակալություն !

Gregory DavidianGregory Davidian    Sun, 26/09/2021 - 03:22

Ok, you asked for it!)

Lets start from the title. "Իմ տիկինը" is too word-for-word translation for "My Lady". Unlike English "my lady", the Armenian "իմ տիկինը" phrase, in the modern use, can only refer to the speaker's legal wife, which is not the case here. I would suggest you consider "իմ աղջիկը" or "աղջիկս" as an Armenian translation for "my lady" here. Initially for a girl, "աղջիկ" is now widely used to refer to a young female (incl. a beloved one) and to any woman younger than the speaker.
Also I would recommend "լուսավոր" for "fair", because the latter is rather about the lightsome appearance of referred lady than just her beauty. I.e., consider "Լուսավոր աղջիկս" for the song title and further in the text.

Unlike it in the English, the grammatic person in Armenian is mostly evident from the verb's particle/ending. So almost everywhere in the Armenian text, the use of personal pronouns represents a tautology wherever no special need to indicate such pronouns (e.g., wherever need to emphysize the person, for the stylistic purposes, for rhyming, for making a speech less dynamic or for deluting a speech to provide more time for comprehention, etc.). Also, in Armenian, the possessive pronouns of 1st and 2nd persons can be reduced if using the special endings for their related nouns (-ս and -դ endings respectively). So I'd suggest you consider, e.g., just "Մտածեցի" instead of "Ես մտածեցի", "էինք" instead of "մենք... եղանք", "երազանքներս" instead of "իմ երազանքները", and so on (especially, where your translated lines are too dispropotionate by length).

Armenian nouns with cardinal numerals shall be in the singular preferrably. So consider "երկու ուրվագիծ" instead of "երկու ուրվագծեր".

In Armenian, the adjectives are not inclinable by case unlike the nouns, so it should be "գեղեցիկ տիկնոջից" instead of "գեղեցիկից տիկնոջից".

For other lexics, use:
- "կողքովս անցավ" or "մոտովս անցավ" instead of "անցավ ինձանից" (the latter is rather for "outdid me" or "outrun me", than for "passed me by")
- "Քանզի" (ով էի ես) instead of "Որովհետև"
- "անծանոթներ" instead of "օտար" for the English "strangers"
- "երազներս են` մեգն ու մշուշը" instead of "իմ երազանքներս բաղկացած են մարախուղից և մշուշից"
- (կամուրջն) "ընկնում է" [imperfective verb] instead of "ընկավ" [pertfective] for the continuous tense in English
- "գիշերը" or "գիշերվա մեջ" instead of "գիշերում"

cph1776cph1776    Fri, 24/09/2021 - 19:28

Thanks for the suggestions. A few comments:

>Also I would recommend "լուսավոր" for "fair",

As noticed, the English word "fair" has several meanings, of which two concern us here: "light-skinned/haired" (լուսավոր) or "beautiful" (գեղեցիկ)

Either would be correct. However, since in my other translations of this song, I have used the term for "beautiful," I'll stick with գեղեցիկ here.

>Unlike the English, the grammatic person in Armenian is mostly evident from the verb's particle
Noted, (This is similar to Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese where the grammatic person is indicated via verb endings, and pronouns are
not normally used)

>In Armenian, the adjectives are not inclinable by case
Noted. . (I was probably thinking of German, where the adjectives do take different endings due to case, as well as number, gender, etc.)

> "Քանզի" (ով էի ես) instead of "Որովհետև"
Interesting. Is this like the difference between “parce que” and “car” (boith meaning “because”) in French? (https://www.frenchplanations.com/difference-between-parce-que-and-car)

>"անծանոթներ" instead of "օտար" for the English "strangers"
That would be a better choice, as "օտար" has other meanings that don't really apply to this song.

Once again, thank you for your input.

Gregory DavidianGregory Davidian    Sat, 25/09/2021 - 04:47

Yes, you catch the idea behind the difference between "որովհետև" and "քանզի"/"քանի որ". The first is for a reason, while the second is for any consideration (closer to the English "since" and "for").

It was interesting to me to know that "fair" may stand for "beautiful". For my perception, in application to the human appearance, a "fair woman" was to refer cheerfully to one who is blonde-haired, not necessarily beautiful.

cph1776cph1776    Fri, 24/09/2021 - 22:44

Updated. (I left the title as "Իմ գեղեցիկ աղջիկը" rather than "Գեղեցիկ աղջիկս" because the three word title had a certain "rhythm" to it...

Gregory DavidianGregory Davidian    Sat, 25/09/2021 - 02:48

I guess you misunderstood my notion on the Armenian inclination. Adjectives always remain unchanged (since all adjectives are non-inclinable in Armenian), but nouns shall be respectively inclined by case.

So in the first verse "գեղեցիկ աղջիկը" (adj+noun) wordgroup should be inclined as գեղեցիկ աղջկան (i.e., noun in the accusative case) and in the second verse - գեղեցիկ աղջկա (i.e., noun in the genitive case), while in the last verse it is OK (i.e., noun in the nominative case).

cph1776cph1776    Sun, 26/09/2021 - 01:31

Fixed, thanks!

cph1776cph1776    Sun, 26/09/2021 - 01:31

Wow, 58 reads in 3 days. A great big Շնորհակալություն to everyone and I shall do another translation soon!

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