Közeli helyeken (English translation)

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On The Near Places

Versions: #1#2
On the near places, hills and mountains,
In the empty stone mine holes,
On the near places, hills and mountains,
My stride is resonating.
 
The time's here breathing down my neck
The path is disappearing from under my feet,
Even if I don´t want to, I keep moving on,
If no one is guiding me on my way,
My face is washed by the rain and dried by the wind,
The man is always expecting something better,
I am from dust and I turn to dust,
I am afraid of losing myself in the fog
 
Thanks!
thanked 8 times
Submitted by Mr.PsychosisMr.Psychosis on Thu, 27/07/2017 - 08:05
Last edited by Mr.PsychosisMr.Psychosis on Fri, 22/10/2021 - 16:24
Author's comments:

Special thanks to my Hungarian friend Janos!

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Közeli helyeken

Comments
P ToljaP Tolja    Fri, 22/10/2021 - 08:06

Привет!
Извини, но мне кажется, что I am walking не совсем подходит. Здесь не о "прогулке" идёт речь.
Cмысл более глубокий - наверное о жизни (нужно спросить у Лайоша-у певца).
Üdvözlettel, Tolja

Mr.PsychosisMr.Psychosis    Fri, 22/10/2021 - 12:09

Hello, "moving on" seemed more suitable than "walk" to me as you say. Thank you for kind warning.

P ToljaP Tolja    Fri, 22/10/2021 - 19:26

Hi!
I keep moving even if Idon´t want to! (Предложение моей жены - она венгерка и училка по английскому).
Üdv. Tolja

BuenSaborBuenSabor    Fri, 22/10/2021 - 13:05

I don't know Turkish, so I can't judge how "accurate" your translation is, but your English rendition is well-written and quite coherent.

There are a few technical points, though.

In the first section:

"My stride is resonancing."

The "-ing" ending is usually added to a root verb form to make what is called a "gerund", used as a noun, an adjective, or with a "helper" verb, the imperfect form of the verb. The root verb in this case was "to resonate", and the gerundial form would be "resonating". In this case it was added to the noun form "resonance", which is not a defined usage in English.

In the second section:

"The time is here on my shoulders (exact word in original is 'on my neck')".

I get an impression of someone being pursued by the relentlessness of God, Time, Fate, Kismet, whatever you may call it. If I am understanding this correctly, there is an idiom in English for this being pursued relentlessly: "... is breathing down my neck."

Later in the second section, 2 spelling typos:

"dryed by the wind" should be "dried by the wind"

"I am affraid" should be "I am afraid"

P ToljaP Tolja    Fri, 22/10/2021 - 22:27

I think here that time is not time - the years (the years of life). shoulders or neck - it is not important!
As by V.Visotsky: Висят года на мне — ни бросить, ни продать (Years hang on me - you can’t throw or sell them.)

Mr.PsychosisMr.Psychosis    Fri, 22/10/2021 - 16:25

I fixed all parts you've marked. Thanks for editing, cheers.

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