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Nocturno (English translation)

  • Artist: Bïa Krieger
  • Song: Nocturno Album: Nocturno
  • Translations: English, Russian
Proofreading requested
Spanish
Spanish
A A

Nocturno

Noche de invierno
Y la luna negra:
Viniste
Estrella, viento
Y hondo silencio;
Cielo nocturno:
Eso fuiste
 
Submitted by ulissescoroaulissescoroa on Mon, 17/04/2017 - 03:33
English translationEnglish (metered, poetic)
Align paragraphs

Nocturnal

Winter night
And black moon
Were you here
Star and wind
Deep silence
Nocturnal sky
Once you were
 
Thanks!
thanked 4 times
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).

All comments welcome - please feel free to report mistakes or typos and to suggest modifications or edits.
Tous les commentaires sont les bienvenus ! Merci d'en laisser un pour signaler des erreurs ou suggérer des modifications.

All posted content is my original work, unless explicitly stated otherwise.

Submitted by Torpedo23Torpedo23 on Thu, 23/12/2021 - 04:22
Last edited by Torpedo23Torpedo23 on Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:08
Author's comments:

EDITS UPCOMING.
Thanks to [@Geborgenheit] for their proofreading and suggestions.

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Translations of "Nocturno"
English M,PTorpedo23
Bïa Krieger: Top 3
Comments
GeborgenheitGeborgenheit    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 03:49

Hey there, I applaud your attempt, however this translation can be better. Knowing that you were going for a poetic and metered translation, here are my suggestions:

On a winter night
With a pitch black moon
You came here for me
Shining star and wind
With a deep silence
In the dark night sky
That's what you once were

Sometimes in Spanish very few words can say a lot more than it may seem. Notice how each line contains 5 syllables. Hope my suggestions help.

PS: If you have any Spanish questions, feel free to PM me.

Torpedo23Torpedo23    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 03:53

Hey [@Geborgenheit],
Not sure why this comment popped up again (I had seen it yesterday already), but editing this poem is on my "to-do" list...
And the lack of words in the current version was deliberate, btw. There is a poetic vibe to it, and that was on purpose.
But, apparently you think I really missed the mark...?
Thanks for your review and suggestions - and for reaching out to lend a hand.
Best,
- Torp

GeborgenheitGeborgenheit    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 03:59

I am afraid you kind of missed the mark here. I only reposted the comment as I did not think you saw it, so my apologies. In any case, the translation needs to be improved as there are a couple of nuances you missed. Hopefully you can use my suggestions. I am glad you were planning on editing it.

Torpedo23Torpedo23    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:00

I wasn't sure if you had edited your comments for it to pop up in my notifications again.
But yes, I got the message. Will edit my translation. Thanks for the proofreading. Will probably message you when edits have been made. Thanks.

GeborgenheitGeborgenheit    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:01

My pleasure. I encourage you to translate more stuff from Spanish.

Torpedo23Torpedo23    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:06

Yes, I know you've been wanting me to do so for a while - but I'm still really skeptical and Spanish is absolutely not my area of expertise xP

MissAtomicLauMissAtomicLau    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:09

Torp, remember that you can also ask me whenever you have doubts about Spanish. Mostly about songs, for poems do contact Geborgenheit Regular smile

Torpedo23Torpedo23    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:13

Oh, Тося, thanks for reaching out, too!
Yes, I'll keep that in mind when working with the Spanish-English pair (;
Thanks again!

GeborgenheitGeborgenheit    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:12

Yes, feel free to contact Anto as well. Her translations are brilliant.

MissAtomicLauMissAtomicLau    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:15

Anto/ Тося it's me, however you wanna call me, haha.
Muchas gracias, G 😊😊

Torpedo23Torpedo23    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:21

Were you afraid there had been some confusion? Tongue smile
Anyone who does work with Spanish and who's been around here for a while knows you, don't worry ^^

MissAtomicLauMissAtomicLau    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 04:25

Sometimes people here do get confused about that. It seems that I have a double identity because I go by two different names, the Spanish version and the Russian one 😄

GeborgenheitGeborgenheit    Fri, 28/01/2022 - 03:39

Well I still encourage you to. By the way thanks for the shoutout.

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