To Nie Sen (English translation)
This Is Not A Dream
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Inez Kibor on Tue, 25/01/2022 - 20:41
SpiritOfLightInez Kibor on Sat, 29/01/2022 - 07:42
To Nie Sen
| 1. | Jadymy Durch |
| 2. | Richter |
| 3. | Annaberg |
Inez Kibor
Wed, 26/01/2022 - 14:01
Thanks for informing me. It's done.
SpiritOfLight
Wed, 26/01/2022 - 15:30
I'm sorry, but it's still not aligned with some of the lines.
Inez Kibor
Wed, 26/01/2022 - 16:25
right, it is now. But if you still miss some of the lines in translation it's because it nedded changing the structure sentence.
Don Kondzior
Thu, 27/01/2022 - 10:43
I've spotted a lot of mistakes - both in Silesian-English translation and your English notation itself. Yet, I don't know if I should write down all of the goofs here, or maybe create own translation xD
Inez Kibor
Thu, 27/01/2022 - 14:16
I appreciate your comment. My mouse seems to have played a trick on me. All has been fixed.
Don Kondzior
Fri, 28/01/2022 - 12:07
Okay, good. Now let us get to the translation.
In fact this translation is not tagged as commented, metered or any else, but I won't be nitpicking about for example translating "Czy to sen?" as "Am I dreamin'?" instead of "Is this a dream?".
But I can see that you partially ommited the fact that song isn't written in Polish, but in Silesian dialect of Polish. Hence words like "ja" or "zaś" have different meanings than you probably thought they have:
Ja - yes; yeah (just like in German language)
Zaś - again
Now about English language itself. "Such beautiful" should be actually "So beautiful".
"Such" can be used if it precedes noun phrase, while here it precedes only an adjective, without a noun. So it would be correct if the translated sentence was "Such beautiful dreams" (although that's not what original lyrics say).
In 7th verse you forgot the subject "I".
In 9th verse "I wanna dreamin' my dreams" misses "be" before gerund (unless you wanted to write "I wanna dream my dreams").
Better put "Do" in front of "You want?" during second verse. Yes/No questions should start with an auxiliary verb (unless you really wanted to make it sound like colloquial conversational speech).
21st verse. Again lack of subject ("It").
I think that in next verse you wanted to write "tasting" instead of "testing". "Though" is next verse is needless, I guess.
Second verse of the bridge. "So do our hands". "Do" makes here no sense. Use "Let" instead.
shamelesSness
And of course you still should match number of translation verses with original ones, as SpiritOfLight advised above. Full sentences are also divided into few verses in original, so doing it the same way in translation won't be faux pas.
If you have any questions about my comment, please text me a private message. I guess we can explain things there in our beloved Polish language ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
Inez Kibor
Fri, 28/01/2022 - 10:20
Miło powitać kolegę po fachu. Jestem otwarty na krytykę. Dziękuję za komentarz, szczególnie dot. dialektu śląskiego. Skoryguje oczywiście i napiszę swoje uwagi na PM.
Please arrange your translation according to verses in original so that it would be intelligible for everyone.