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Compensation (Russian translation)

English
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Compensation

I should be glad of loneliness
⁠And hours that go on broken wings,
A thirsty body, a tired heart
⁠And the unchanging ache of things,
If I could make a single song
⁠As lovely and as full of light,
As hushed and brief as a falling star
⁠On a winter night.
 
Submitted by vevvevvevvev on Tue, 13/10/2020 - 10:01
Russian translationRussian (poetic, rhyming)
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Компенсация

Versions: #1#2
Была б я рада быть одна
Со сломанными крыльями,
Душой и телом голодна
И с болью неизбывною,
Когда б смогла я песнь сложить
Прекрасную и светлую,
Такую как полёт звезды
В ночь зимнюю, заветную.
 
Thanks!
thanked 7 times
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).

Евгений Виноградов

Submitted by vevvevvevvev on Tue, 13/10/2020 - 10:03
Comments
IgeethecatIgeethecat    Tue, 13/10/2020 - 10:12

I need a crash course to update my Russian
Does "неизбывный" mean "незабвенный"?

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Tue, 13/10/2020 - 10:23

I would call them almost synonyms, but just wanted to hear native's opinion

vevvevvevvev    Tue, 13/10/2020 - 10:22

В оригинале "неизменная", но мне "неизбывная" (не проходящая, трудно переносимая) показалась более выразительной...

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Tue, 13/10/2020 - 10:26

Во, Д, гуглените ещё и неизменную

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