Cridarai (English translation)

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Proofreading requested
Occitan

Cridarai

M'ajudèsse lo vent e son bufar de farga,
De sas èrsas iretjas m'ajudèsse la mar.
Cridarai.
 
Tot al lòng del camin ièu sonarai las pèiras,
Los bartàs, los valats, los arbres, mai los bòscs.
Cridarai.
 
Tant qu'aurai una vòtz
E quicòm dins mon pitre,
Cridarai.
 
A me'n faire petar la carn de la garganta!
A me'n faire gisclar la sang dins un crit baug!
Cridarai, cridarai!
Cridarai, cridarai!
 
Coma un òme tancat per agachar l'asuèlh,
Un òme desliurat del pes de sas cadenas
Qu'an fargat los reis fòls e los barons sagnoses
E los monges enrogits del rebat del brasàs
 
Ont cremèron vivents mos fraires del passat
Qu'avián cantat l'amor e l'amistat umana
E manjat lo pan blanc pastat de libertat!
Cridarai, cridarai!
Cridarai, cridarai!
 
Submitted by Sataniel on Sun, 02/12/2018 - 02:25
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English translation

I will cry

The wind has helped me with its bellowing gust,
With its furious waves the sea has helped me too.
I will cry.
 
All along the way I will call the stones,
The bushes, the ditches, the trees, even the forests.
I will cry.
 
When I hear a voice
And feel something in my chest,
I will cry.
 
So as to make the flesh of my throat burst!
So as to make my blood rush in a primal scream!
I will cry, I will cry!
I will cry, I will cry!
 
Like a man who's stopped to look at the horizon
A man who's finally free from the weight of his chains
That were forged by mad kings and bloody barons,
And monks, all red from the glow of the fire
 
Where my brothers from the past have burned alive
Who have sung about love and human friendship
And eaten white bread made of freedom!
I will cry, I will cry!
I will cry, I will cry!
 
Submitted by Sataniel on Sun, 02/12/2018 - 02:54
Last edited by Sataniel on Wed, 12/12/2018 - 01:14
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Please help to translate "Cridarai"
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Comments
BreezyDay    Fri, 07/12/2018 - 00:51

Wow! I do not know Occitan but your English is great.

One thing that might need some refining is in the 4th stanza, about meat in the throat blowing up.

Someone who knows Occitan will have to advise on how to refine the translation of that phrase.

Sataniel    Wed, 12/12/2018 - 01:22

A braindead translation I somehow didn't notice; sort of fixed, but I'm still at a bit of a loss about how to translate it so it doesn't sound awkward either. And thank you! Both for pointing out the mistake and for the compliment.

BreezyDay    Wed, 12/12/2018 - 01:35

You're welcome. I'm going to try to translate a Spanish song into English, but I found an extremely easy one. Evenso, I expect to be corrected. It's still fun brain exercise, and in the end, hopefully it will be accurate. Your song is much more challenging.