En mi viejo San Juan (English translation)

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English translation

In My Old San Juan

In my old San Juan
How many dreams I forge
in my childhood nights!
My first dream
and my troubles of love
are memories of the soul.
One afternoon I left
towards a foreign nation,
as fate would have it,
but my heart
remained facing the sea
in my old San Juan
 
Goodbye (goodbye, goodbye)
Dear Borinquen1 (land of my love).
Goodbye (goodbye, goodbye)
my sea goddess (my palm queen),
I'm leaving (I'm leaving)
but one day I'll return
to find of my love,
to dream again,
in my old San Juan.
 
But time passed by
and destiny mocked
my terrible nostalgia,
and I couldn't return
to the San Juan that I loved,
little piece of my land.
My hair whitened2
and my life fades away
and death calls for me,
and don't want to die
away from you
Puerto Rico of the soul.
 
Goodbye (goodbye, goodbye)
Dear Borinquen (land of my love).
Goodbye (goodbye, goodbye)
my sea goddess (my palm queen),
I'm leaving (I'm leaving)
but one day I'll return
to find of my love,
to dream again,
in my old San Juan.
 
  • No utilicen mis traducciones sin crédito o permiso. — Don't use my translations without credit or permission.

  • Tienen permiso de usar mis traducciones como base para hacer otras traducciones, pero solo en este sitio con crédito. — You have permission to use my translations as a base to make other translations, but only on this site and with credit.

  • Terminology: lit. (literally), lat. (latin term), pr. (pronunciation). @= a/o (for Spanish translations only, @ can be switched from a feminine or masculine perspective.
Submitted by phantasmagoria on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 09:23
Added in reply to request by roster 31
Last edited by phantasmagoria on Mon, 23/12/2013 - 03:10
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Spanish

En mi viejo San Juan

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Please help to translate "En mi viejo San Juan"
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Comments
roster 31    Thu, 08/08/2013 - 12:50

Thank you Carnivorous for translating "En mi Viejo San Juan". I'll be back to read it with time.

roster 31    Thu, 08/08/2013 - 21:26

I have some suggestions, in my opinion, to improve it but not necessary.
1. First stanza, second verse- It's an exclamation that requires emphasis. I would say, How many dreams I forge.......!"
2. " On afternoon (in the past I used to say 'one day') I LEFT..."
3. Further down- For me, 'stood' would be 'remained'.
4. Third stanza, fourth verse- "I couldn't"
5. Sixth verse- "of MY land"
6. Eighth verse- his life is "going", "fading away" "coming to an end"
7. Last verse- I think it is "Puerto Rico OF the soul" (?)

This is the way I would express it.

phantasmagoria    Thu, 08/08/2013 - 21:43

I had the exact thing for #1, 6 & 7 from your suggestions, but changed it last minute. I should have left them as they were though Confused smile I made the changes, and used "coming to and end" because it gives off the a certain feeling (that I just can't describe in words). Thanks!

roster 31    Thu, 08/08/2013 - 21:27
5

Good job. The flavor and feeling are there. Thanks a lot!

roster 31    Fri, 09/08/2013 - 00:11

Suena bien, pero me gusta más "my life is fading away".
El signo de admiración va en el siguiente verso, después de 'nights'.

roster 31    Fri, 09/08/2013 - 12:39

It is good. In "childhood nights......", skip the '....'. I put them there meaning the sentence was not complete. Start the next line with capital letter.
"My life is fading away" is better than "my life comes to an end" because the next line tells you that. I little change, though: "My life fades away", it fits perfectly this way.

* "little piece of my land"

roster 31    Fri, 09/08/2013 - 20:56

¡Perfecto!
Gracias por seguir mis sugerencias.