In My Old San Juan
- 1. Puerto Ricans often call the island Borinquen, from Borikén, its indigenous Taíno name, which means "Land of the Valiant Lord". Info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puerto_Rico.
- 2. with age
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líadan on 2013-08-08
roster 31 líadan on 2013-12-23| 1. | Moliendo café |
| 2. | En mi viejo San Juan |
| 3. | Sombras, nada más |
roster 31
Thu, 08/08/2013 - 21:26
I have some suggestions, in my opinion, to improve it but not necessary.
1. First stanza, second verse- It's an exclamation that requires emphasis. I would say, How many dreams I forge.......!"
2. " On afternoon (in the past I used to say 'one day') I LEFT..."
3. Further down- For me, 'stood' would be 'remained'.
4. Third stanza, fourth verse- "I couldn't"
5. Sixth verse- "of MY land"
6. Eighth verse- his life is "going", "fading away" "coming to an end"
7. Last verse- I think it is "Puerto Rico OF the soul" (?)
This is the way I would express it.
líadan
Thu, 08/08/2013 - 21:43
I had the exact thing for #1, 6 & 7 from your suggestions, but changed it last minute. I should have left them as they were though 
I made the changes, and used "coming to and end" because it gives off the a certain feeling (that I just can't describe in words). Thanks!
roster 31
Fri, 09/08/2013 - 12:39
It is good. In "childhood nights......", skip the '....'. I put them there meaning the sentence was not complete. Start the next line with capital letter.
"My life is fading away" is better than "my life comes to an end" because the next line tells you that. I little change, though: "My life fades away", it fits perfectly this way.
* "little piece of my land"
Thank you Carnivorous for translating "En mi Viejo San Juan". I'll be back to read it with time.