Endless (French translation)

Proofreading requested
French translation

Sans Fin

Je me noyais á l'agonie,
me noyais dans ses yeux,
je touchais les ailes de foi qui m' étreignaient,
tellement irréel, mais je sentais
le désir de sa beauté divine.
Une voix retentissait dans le loin,
sans jamais s'éteindre.
Au loin j'ai entendu
le vent lancer un appel,
ma flamme ardente.
Translations in this website are protected by copyright law. Don't claim any of my translations as your own, and please if you publish them anywhere attribute them to me.
Some translations I post will have been provided by someone other than me, and when that is the case it will be made clear on the pages containing those translations; if you want to copy those translations you must first obtain permission from the people who provided them, as I don't have the right to give you such permissions, and please carefully observe the rights of the authors of the original material that has been translated.
Submitted by michealt on Thu, 14/06/2018 - 11:30
Added in reply to request by neige
Last edited by michealt on Thu, 21/06/2018 - 19:07
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.


Klou    Wed, 20/06/2018 - 12:54

Here are some suggestions Regular smile

Je me noyais
dans un moment mourant -> à l'agonie (you can even try "en proie à l'agonie")
me noyais dans ses yeux,
m' étraignaient -> m'étreignaient

"peu réaliste" doesn't sound very poetic. "Tellement irréel" would be better.

renentissaid -> retentissait
au loin (you can say "dans le lointain" if you don't want to repeat "au loin")

petit élève    Wed, 20/06/2018 - 13:07

Feeling the wings of faith embracing me -> I think "sentir" would be better here: "Je sentais l'étreinte des ailes de la foi" or "Je sentais les ailes de la foi m'étreindre" or something like that.

peu réaliste -> I agree with Klou here. That sounds like "not very realistic" Regular smile

The wind call a name -> "call a/my name" does not translate well in French.
I'd rather say "j'ai entendu le vent lancer un appel" or something like that.

michealt    Thu, 21/06/2018 - 19:08

Thanks for the comments, Klou and Pierre.