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Jokes/Aνέκδοτα

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Super Member
Joined: 01.07.2018

One day, scientists around the world detect signals coming from the planet Mars. They consult each other and finally decide to use the Sahara as a gigantic sheet of paper: they trace, in letters hundreds of kilometers long, the following message:
- WHAT DO YOU SAY?
They wait for a few days, then an answer comes from Mars, in the form of understandable Morse signals:
- NOTHING.
Stupefaction among the scientific community. They then decide to draw a new message across the Sahara:
- WHY DO YOU SEND US SIGNALS THEN?
The answer comes on the next day:
- WE'RE NOT TALKING TO YOU. WE'RE TALKING WITH PEOPLE ON PLANET SATURN.

(summarized from Tristan Bernard).

Super Member
Joined: 19.07.2018

I came across this comedian for the first time and I find him just great. It's in Russian. I am giving you a link and you can judge for yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5JwLI0zcz4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoNkyJ5dtN8

Sample for those who don't understand Russian:
Nowadays, entertainment, is a highly competitive field offering many options. In the Middle Ages, there were basically two options for the entertainment: traveling circus and executions in a public square. On a special occasion, it was execution of a traveling circus man in a public square.

Sample 2: government's Kama Sutra
It doesn't matter whether we are laying down, sitting,standing, or running - for some reason, we are always on the bottom.

Super Member
Joined: 03.10.2017

Ο σύζυγος γυρίζει σπίτι αγριεμένος.

– Τι έχεις; Tον ρωτάει η σύζυγος.
– Άσε με! της λέει αυτός. Τσακώθηκα με το θυρωρό!
– Για ποιο λόγo;
– Λέει πως έχει πηδήξει όλες τις γυναίκες της πολυκατοικίας, εκτός από μία!

Και η σύζυγος:
-Μμμ. Θα είναι εκείνη η ψηλομύτα του τρίτου

Super Member
Joined: 03.10.2017

ΝΟΣΟΚΟΜΑ: – Συγχαρητήρια κύριε, κάνατε δίδυμα!
ΚΥΡΙΟΣ: – Με τέτοιο ‘κανόνι’ που έχω, μόνο δίδυμα κάνω!!!
ΝΟΣΟΚΟΜΑ: – Καλά, αλλά να καθαρίζετε λίγο και το κανόνι, γιατί τα μωρά βγήκαν μαύρα!

χαχαχαχα!

Super Member
Joined: 03.10.2017

– Μαμά, ο μπαμπάς θέλει να σκοτώσει τη νονά.
– Τι είναι αυτά που λες μικρέ;
– Κρυφάκουσα που της είπε : «Ραντεβού στις 10.00. Θα σε πεθάνω απόψε»…

Guest

Το παιδι μπαινει στο δωματιο των γονιων και βλεπει την μανα του καβαλα στον πατερα του να κανουνε σεξ.
- Μαμα, τι κανεις εκει?
- Προσπαθω, να κατσω πανω στο φιδι του μπαμπα για να το σκοτωσω.
- Η νονα ειναι πιο θαρραλεα απο σενα.
- Γιατι?
- Μα γιατι εχθες η νονα το ετρωγε το φιδι.

Super Member
Joined: 03.10.2017

αχαχαχαχαχα! καλο!

Super Member
Joined: 16.12.2017

What happened “English only” rule? Или это то правило, когда нам можно, но вам нельзя?

Guest

If you noticed, the section is "Greek language".
But if you wanna write something, write in in English.

Super Member
Joined: 16.12.2017

В физике черных дыр существует такое понятие – горизонт событий. Пересекая его уже никогда не узнаешь, что там происходило. У мужиков подобное наступает после литра водки на рыло.

Help is needed with English translation Regular smile

Moderator and Incorrigable
Joined: 03.06.2016

Hmm...let's see.

In 'black hole physics' (general relativity)… yes, there is such a thing.
The event horizon is described as the point of no return, a place where the gravitational forces are too strong to escape.
By crossing it you will never know what was happening there. In men, this comes after downing a liter of vodka.

Sort of, "Drinking them pretty", or "Putting on your beer goggles" (You drink enough, they all look pretty). There's that point where one would 'pull out all the stops' and go for it without inhibition or regard.

Super Member
Joined: 16.12.2017
Ww Ww wrote:

Sort of, "Drinking them pretty", or "Putting on your beer goggles" (You drink enough, they all look pretty). There's that point where one would 'pull out all the stops' and go for it without inhibition or regard.

Yes, thank you.
And it’s about dudes, nothing to do with “there’s no ugly women, there’s no enough vodka”, right?

Moderator and Incorrigable
Joined: 03.06.2016

There are many interpretations depending on your perception. There is an area I didn't cover about dude perception in the joke due to details of that type of physics. It's about excessive drinking and loss of inhibitions in men (nicely put). It can also be considered with the thought of when they drink too much then think with their...(inferred, get the idea). This then 'draws them into bad decisions and trouble. That would be the most basic animalistic view. The less complicated view might be purely things said when drunk that are brought on by loss of inhibition, intensive emotions. I am being discrete.
As for vodka...It has been said there is no such thing as too much, or not enough (on hand). The ugly woman thing is an example of the loss of those inhibitions due to excessive drinking and the consequent actions taken. It's a dude thing. How's that for being aloof? Regular smile

Super Member
Joined: 16.12.2017

O, please, men always think with their other head, you don’t have to smooth it. Teeth smile

Красивые женщины, как и огонь, греют на расстоянии, но опасны вблизи Wink smile

Guest

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!

Δύο μυρμήγκια, κάνουν ποδήλατο στην έρημο. Σε μια στιγμή, το ένα σταματάει ξαφνικά. - "Γιατί σταμάτησες;", ρωτάει το μυρμήγκι το φίλο του. Και εκείνος του απαντά: - "Μπήκε μια μύγα στο μάτι μου!"

Super Member
Joined: 16.12.2017

Для хороших людей ничего не жалко. А у меня этого ничего - полные закрома.

We would give everything to good people. And we have a great surplus of ‘everything’
My translation sucks, mainly because ничего means nothing and double negative makes it everything Regular smile

Super Member
Joined: 01.07.2018

This is a story about a man whose cock was 50cm long – much too long indeed !

He tried all kinds of medicines, nothing worked. So he goes to an old witch in the forest, explains his problem, and the witch tells him :
- You go to the magic pond at the border of the forest. There you'll see a little green frog. You must ask her to marry you, and you'll see what will happen.

So he does. He discovers the magic pond, and , true enough, there comes jumping a little green frog.

The man thinks for a while, then he decides to do what the witch has told him :
- Little frog, do you want to marry me ?
Says the frog : - No.

But the man has a strange feeling and looks into his pants : his cock has diminished by 10cm, now it's still only 40 cm long ! Incredible !

So he addresses the frog once more :
- Little frog, do you want to marry me ?
Answers the frog : - No.

But the man's cock is now only 30cm long ! So he thinks : all right, once more, and everything will be fine.

- Little frog, do you want to marry me ?
Says the frog : - No. No. No.

(Thanks to Jean-Marie Bigard, a French humorist ; I leave it to you to translate it into Greek).

Super Member
Joined: 19.07.2018

- “All you ever do is move on. Don’t you want something meaningful?’
- ‘That’s how you find it. Looking for love’s like looking for oil, you’ve got to drill a few holes before you hit a gusher.”

Excerpt From: Hyland, Alex. “Black Violet.” Accent Press Ltd, 2017. iBooks.

Editor Soldier of Love
Joined: 12.03.2017

A priest telling his sacristan: „It’s a long time since your last confession. How about now?“ The sacristan telling the priest: „But I’ve got nothing to confess.“
„We’ll see.“ And they go into the confessional.
„Dear son, is there anything you would like to tell me?“
„I’ve got nothing to confess.“
„I’m wondering who’s drinking the altar wine.“
„Sorry, I can’t hear you.“
„I said: My wine is always gone. Who’s drinking it?“
„Sorry, but I can’t understand you. We’ll switch places and you’ll see for yourself.“
After switching places the sacristan says: „I’m wondering who’s sleeping with my wife.“
„You’re right I really can’t understand a word.“

Novice
Joined: 23.11.2018

No Way

Super Member
Joined: 19.07.2018

Phil, [@Phil Ambro]
This is the joke forum. The key is: you read a joke and LIKE it if you want. No critique is expected publically. Enjoy!

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