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Junior Member begginer translator
Joined: 14.12.2017
Pending moderation

hello , can anybody give his/her opinion about this poem , is it good ? it is translated to many language the artist name is written " The IlVolover " check the other poems if possible please .

somewhere there's someone that's your heart's with ,
Somewhere there's someone that you're still dreaming of him ,
Your hand is writing messages, your heart is flying,
Your eyes 're shining just for him, just for him!
Sun came again! A new day began
Your beautiful clear eyes are gonna be closed,
Your hands are gonna fall down
The phone you're waiting, you're awake just for him, just for him
Love's strange, love steals your heart without warning you,
No waiting for it, it suddenly comes
Love suddenly comes for you
Love is strange, love is strange,
Your hands are writing messages, your heart is flying,
Your eyes are shinig just because of it, because of it
Love is strange, love is strange, steals your heart,
Whoever is your lover you will find a way to be with him!

Novice
Joined: 28.12.2017

Since you ask, no , I don t think it is a good poem, first because the author does not know grammar well enough, and second because even if he did, the poem lacks any merit.

Super Member
Joined: 15.08.2017

With all due respect: No, it isn't (sorry).

Moderator of Romance Languages
Joined: 31.03.2012

I found it on here posted by "Sandra il volo" , is it your poem?
http://poetry-talk.com/posts/share-poem

The poem has a lot of mistakes and I'm unsure of the meaning behind it. I would start by fixing it up like so:

There's someone out there with your heart
there's someone out there that you dream of,
your hand is writing messages, ......
your eyes are shining just for him.

The sun has risen once more, a new day has begun
your beautiful (clear?) eyes will close,
your hands will fall to your sides,

.....

Even then, I wouldn't be able to reword it because I don't know what it means or where the author is going with it. Is a warning about love? a tale of a woman's love for a man?

Moderator and Incorrigable
Joined: 03.06.2016

If this is your poem I rewrote it in my files (not posted here) yesterday. If you are asking for help because it's yours then I will help you. If this is someone else's work then I must respect it's integrity. As it is, it needs work. A direct translation perhaps? If it something you wish to translate then that is a more involved matter.

Junior Member begginer translator
Joined: 14.12.2017

Yes ,it's mine ! I have posted some poems that I wrote here I wrote the artist name " The Il Volover "
You're so true that it needs a work , it's my first poem and I am not English native that makes it full of mistakes I know ,it 's translated to many language ! But I just wanted some opinions about it and a help : ) by showing me the wrong in it or the thing that makes it not a good poem ? If possible ? I'd like to thank you for your comment but I didn't understand what do you mean by
" I rewrote it in my files "
Thanks again for your respect !

Moderator and Incorrigable
Joined: 03.06.2016

Somewhere There's Someone

Somewhere there's someone that touches your heart ,
Somewhere there's someone that you're dreaming of,
You pen loving words, your heart is soaring,
Your eyes they shine just for him, just for him!
Sun came again, and a new day began
Your beautiful clear eyes are closing,
Your hands, they must rest
For the phone you're waiting, you're awake just for him, only for him
Love's strange, it steals your heart without warning you,
No anticipating it, then suddenly it comes
Love suddenly comes, comes for you
Love is strange, love is so very strange,
You pen loving words, your heart is soaring,
Your eyes they sparkle just because, because of it all
Love is strange, love is strange, it steals your heart,
Whoever is your love, you will find a way to be with him!

There are two major ways to write this poem. As if it were you, and happening to you. The other is in the second person, as if you are looking at it from afar, observing it. It must match all the way through. Make sure your thoughts flow consistently. you have a purpose(s) to it. I write with the knowledge that my poems will be interpreted differently by every person. That way just about any translation is correct. Do you see? You must always allow freedom. Your original poem seems to keep you personally afar from it. Displaced...you wrote it, you must be part of it. Do you see? Feel free to contact me via PM if you wish.

Junior Member begginer translator
Joined: 14.12.2017

Thank you for your opinion I respect it , you're true about that I don't know the grammer well because English isn't my native language and it also was my first poem Regular smile

Member
Joined: 27.12.2017

Perhaps you should read some more poetry in English? Every language and culture has its own way of writing poetry, so I suggest you should look to that for inspiration.

Junior Member begginer translator
Joined: 14.12.2017

 :) Yes , it's mine
You're true ! It's full of mistakes because English isn't my native language I'm still studying it , about the poem : yes , it's a tale of woman's love for a man , who's far from her , also it can be a love of a fan to her Idol which is from another country and she tries to reach her love to him eventhough he doesn't know about her , so I think everyone reads it will understand it with his way  Regular smile I want to thank  ! you very much for your comment and your help ,

Junior Member begginer translator
Joined: 14.12.2017

That's a good idea ! You're true I should learn more Regular smile about writing in English , thank you

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