Pending moderation
Hi, I tried translating a song by Junko Yagami since no one had translated it before. I'm looking for someone to help me proof-read the translation, since I'm pretty sure I have made a couple of mistakes. I'm not a native speaker and still studying Japanese, so it's a bit tough for me to figure out what I've botched. Thank you in advance. Killer song too btw.
https://lyricstranslate.com/en/telephone-number-telephone-number.html-0
Heya! I'm also not a professional but I think I can let you know about some little grammatical mistakes that I noticed.
Let's dance the night away>>> The night that dances away
And continue forever from then on>>> Will continue from now on
Dispel that bit of awkwardness>>> If I dispel a bit of awkwardness
I'm not a loose woman>>> It won't make me a loose woman
I've had bad experiences with things like dancing>>> I met you while dancing
After all, a disco's a place to fall in love in + I thought it wasn't the place for that >>> I thought disco wasn't the place to fall in love (In this case both lines mean this so you can separate it however you want)
how fast my heart was beating during that short time>>> It was so short that it was so exciting(or that it made my heart flutter or beat fast just like you said)
Smudged letters + Smudged numbers>>> Blurred letters + Blurred numbers
Impossible to read them>>> I can't even read them (but this is literal yours means the same)
The water is disappearing>>> Disappeared into the water
Well, we probably can't meet, right?>>> (Exactly as you said "With this, maybe we can't meet" is the literal correct translation, you said it doesn't make sense but if you read the translation again you'll know he's talking about the paper that got wet, "with this" indicates "the paper" that he wrote down his number on)
With this, maybe it's been brought to a close>>> This might be the end (literal translation but yours isn't wrong either)
Again I'm not a pro but I did my best, but I noticed you translated line by line which is something I used to do but it's wrong. You should listen to the song and read the lyrics together to find out what the artist is saying. Take the first verse as an example, the first two lines are related and so are the last two. I hope I could help you out a bit.
P.s that was such a cool song thanks to you now I'll be adding it to my daily playlist!
Edit: I forgot to tell you about this website ( jisho.org ) it is a very helpful site, you can add a whole sentence and it'll let you know which is a verb and which is a subject and stuff like that as well as their meanings. It helped me a lot and I think it can help you too.
How did it not occur to me that they meant the paper lol. Now everything makes a lot more sense, even that 'the water is disappearing' part. Embarrassing...
You're right though, I should pay more attention to the context, especially since I struggle with recognizing the topic/subject of sentences in Japanese. Thanks a lot dude