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Hjälp

Jag vaknar på morgnarna,
Sjunker halvvägs till botten
Det finns ett högt, förvrängt skrik i min själ
Allt är mörkt och tomt
Och jag vet inte hur man löser det
Så jag kryper ihop
Och gråter i mitt trygga hem
 
Jag vet inte varför jag mår skitdåligt
Jag säger att jag mår bra, men jag mår inte bra
 
Jag dör inuti och allt jag ser är demoner
Jag försöker dölja alla mina djupaste känslor
Jag dör inuti och allt jag ser är demoner
Jag försöker dölja alla mina djupaste känslor
 
Jag tror att det är något fel på mig
För allt jag ser är död
Varje gång jag går ut,
Ser jag ut som om jag går på metamfetamin
Och jag sover i 19 timmar på en torsdag eftermiddag
Ibland hostar jag blod
Och jag vet inte vad jag ska ta mig till
 
Jag vet inte varför jag mår skitdåligt
Jag kommer inte att uppsöka en terapeut
 
Mina damer och herrar,
Om ni vill döda er själva som fan
Lyft upp era jävla händer
Ja! Rakbladen i luften, allihop! *hostar*
Hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
Hjälp, hjälp, hjälp, hjälp, hjälp, hjälp, HJÄLP!
 
Jag dör inuti och allt jag ser är demoner
Jag försöker dölja alla mina djupaste känslor
Jag dör inuti och allt jag ser är demoner
Jag försöker dölja alla mina djupaste känslor
 
Original lyrics

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Click to see the original lyrics (English)

Comments
Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 10:47

1st stanza, 3rd line: "mitt själ" -> "min själ"
1st stanza, 6th line: "Så kryper jag ihop" -> "Så jag kryper ihop"
1st stanza, 6th line: Hmm, this is a bit tricky, since it can be interpreted in different ways... but I'd probably say "...i mitt trygga hem"

2nd stanza, 1st line: "skitdålig" -> "skitdåligt" (an adverb) (You could also say "...jag mår skit", but I would say "skitdåligt" is better Swedish.)

3rd stanza, 1st & 3rd line: You could omit "det", but it works this way too.
3rd stanza, 2nd & 4th line: "all" -> "alla"

4th stanza, 1st line: "Jag tror att det är något fel på mig"
4th stanza, 2nd line: Once again, you can drop the "det", if you like
4th stanza, 4th line: "...som om jag använder..." or "...som om jag går på..." (I'm not very good at drug slang (a fact that has put a halt to one or more of my own translations), so I don't know if meth is called "meth" in Swedish (the real word is metamfetamin, kind of like in English (https://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metamfetamin)), but according to that Wikipedia article it can be called "metatjack" in Swedish, but I don't know how common that is (the drug is apparently still uncommon in Sweden).
4th stanza, 7th line: "Och jag vet inte vad jag ska göra" or "...vad jag ska ta mig till"

5th stanza, 1st line: "skitdålig" -> "skitdåligt", again
5th stanza, 2nd line: "se" -> in this case "träffa" or possibly "uppsöka"

6th stanza, 2nd line: This is a tricky one, since "fucking" is used as an intensifier for "kill yourself", but in Swedish it would sound strange, I think. You probably made the best choice, but you could possibly drop the "också".
6th stanza, 4th line: "Razorblades" = "Rakblad", but I still think "Rakbladen" (with definite article) would sound better, as if he expects them to carry razorblades.

7th stanza: My comments for the 3rd stanza apply to this one too. I'm guessing the 6th stanza is in italics because it's spoken, and it seems like you forgot to turn it off for the 7th stanza (unless that's spoken too?).

Well done!! (And no, I don't think it's too literal!) :)

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:01

I think I got everything on that list.

To be honest, I don't like how I translated that 6th stanza, 2nd line. But I mean, if it works, then it works. It just feels like the "fucking" should be used as the same intensifier in Swedish, but I don't know how to really convey it because the grammar works a bit differently. I feel like with the "fan...." construction it doesn't intensify it the same.

The 7th stanza was an accident, I just forgot the ending tag for the italics, it's fixed also. I should also add a footnote for the 6th stanza indicating that it's spoken, probably.

Thank you again for proofreading!

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:15

I agree with you about "fucking" as an intensifier, but like I said, I have no better solution. I have the same problem with a line in some lyrics I'm trying to translate: "There’s someone in your head waiting to fucking strangle you". The best I could come up with was to intensify the waiting, like "...som fan bara väntar på att strypa dig". It still doesn't intensify the deed itself, but in this case I think it's close enough.

I tend to overuse the footnote feature and recently I forgot many of the ending tags, which made the footnotes a total mess until I sorted it out. :p The info about it being spoken is already in the original, but it would be even more clear if it was also in the translation.

You're welcome! :)

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:17

By the way, I didn't know about the Pink Guy before, but now I looked at his artist page... Is this song supposed to be comedy? :/

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:18

He's a youtube comedian, probably better known as Filthy Frank. Most of his music is comedy.

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:32

Ah, okay. I still didn't know about him (but I'm not very good at youtubers). I took these lyrics at face value, but if he meant them as a joke, then I think that's kind of tasteless... and not fun. :/

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:35

I don't know if this song specifically is satire, but most of his album is. a

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:40

To be fair, his comedy is pretty dark.

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:42

Ah, okay. Well, I liked the song better when I thought he was serious (even though I'd be glad if he doesn't feel that way, I'm sure there are people who do).

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:52

I'm actually a fan of this song, I've been listening to it on repeat since I got home about 4 hours ago. Not sure if that says anything about me or not. :o

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:00

To each, their own, I guess... And maybe it's a very catchy tune? I haven't listened to it yet. :p

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:02

It is very catchy, :p Plus I like dark humor.

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:07

I like it sometimes, but it depends a lot on who's doing it, and how (that is, if it's someone who's suffering from something who jokes about it, instead of someone who's living a perfect life, because that would be to punch down).

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:08

I agree with you there. In this case, I think he's speaking from experience a bit.

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:19

So should be like "Om ni vill döda er själva som fan?"

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:40

Haha, technically, I guess... But it sounds really weird in Swedish... Because there aren't different levels to killing yourself, right? Either you do it, or you don't. (That fact is no different in any language though, but somehow it works in English... Hmm...). In the sentence you suggested, "som fan" could be interpreted as an intensifier to "vill" though, and then I would definitely say it works, but I suppose that wasn't exactly what you were after. ;)

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:41

It sounds better than what I originally put imo, but I'm not by ny means native or fluent so I probably have no idea what I'm talking about ;)

Now, my main question is what's correct: er själv, er själva, era själv? I have no idea which one.

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 11:55

Perhaps it is, as long as you don't read it the way I did at first... But I think they both work. :)

Well, now that I read the original line again, I realize that it's "If you wanna fucking kill yourself" ("Om du vill ... dig själv"), but in the line above he says "Ladies and gentlemen", which means he's addressing more than one person (technically at least four; 2+2), so I think you were right to use "ni", and then "er själva" was also correct. (With "du" it would be "dig själv") The last option you mentioned is always wrong, and the first one would only work if "ni" was used as a formal (and somewhat old-fashioned) way of addressing one person (so in most cases you can focus on "du / dig själv" and "ni / er själva").

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:03

So I'm going to edit it to what I said I preferred for that line. :) And thanks for the clarification on the er själva, I'll fix it now.

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:03

Sorry, my comment on 4th stanza, 7th line was a bit vague; it should be: "Och jag vet inte vad jag ska ta mig till"

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:05

Yeah, that was my bad. I knew what you meant, I just did a bad editing job. :p

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:14

Ah, okay.

I don't know if you changed the 6th stanza's 3rd line after I last read it, or if I missed it earlier, but "jävligt" should be "jävla".

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:17

I just did that.

I thought jävligt was used with objects and jävla with adjectives, but I'll fix it

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 12:35

Everything should be fixed now, but let me know if I left anything out.

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 13:22

I've never really thought about it until now, but I think it's the other way around... No wait, it can be "jävla" for adjectives too (but that might not be correct grammar).

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 13:30

Or maybe jävligt is an adverb? I don’t really know

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 15:09

Yes, you're probably right!

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 23:27

I don’t really know when to use it, but thinking about it, I hear jävla quite a bit more

Arou_Arou_    Wed, 17/01/2018 - 15:08
5

Great translation!

And hearing the song, it really is funny, since it's such a happy melody and with the ukulele and everything and the lyrics are so dark, so the impressions really clash, haha. :P

AzuraAzura
   Wed, 17/01/2018 - 23:24

Thank you so much for the review :) I always underestimate my Swedish.

It’s very dark but it’s very catchy and so the song has really grown on me. I listened to it for hours last night. :p