Halldór Laxness - Hvert örstutt spor (English translation)

Proofreading requested
Icelandic

Hvert örstutt spor

Hvert örstutt spor var auðnuspor með þér,
hvert andartak er tafðir þú hjá mér
var sólskinsstund og sæludraumur hár,
minn sáttmáli við guð um þúsund ár.
 
Hvað jafnast á við andardráttinn þinn?
Hve öll sú gleði er fyrr naut hugur minn
er orðin hljómlaus utangátta og tóm
hjá undrinu að heyra þennan róm,
 
hjá undri því, að líta lítinn fót
í litlum skóm, og vita að heimsins grjót
svo hart og sárt er honum fjarri enn,
og heimsins ráð sem brugga vondir menn,
 
já vita eitthvað anda hér á jörð
er ofar standi minni þakkargjörð
í stundareilífð eina sumarnótt.
Ó alheimsljós, ó mynd sem hverfur skjótt.
 
Submitted by maluca on Wed, 07/02/2018 - 21:13
Last edited by maluca on Wed, 28/02/2018 - 01:17
Submitter's comments:

Lyrics by Halldór Laxness, composition Jón Nordal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZYC_cyGNKU (Svavar Knútur)

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English translation

Every tiny step

Every tiny step was a step of fate with you
every moment, that you spend next to me
was a while of sunshine, and a high blissful dream
my pact with god for a thousand years
 
what compares to your breath?
How all that delight that my soul enjoyed before,
has become silent, isolated and empty
with the wonder of hearing this voice
 
with this wonder of seeing a little foot
In little shoes, and knowing that the worlds prison
so hard and painful, is still far for him
and also the world's bad men who intrigue
 
yes knowing that something here on earth
stands beyond my thanksgiving
in a summernight's eternity of a moment
oh worldwide light, oh image, that vanishes quickly
 
Submitted by fiðrildi on Thu, 15/02/2018 - 03:04
Added in reply to request by maluca
Last edited by fiðrildi on Fri, 16/02/2018 - 14:32
Author's comments:

not a native speaker so pls be nice and kindly correct any mistakes you see, thank you! Regular smile

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
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Please help to translate "Hvert örstutt spor"
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Comments
maluca    Thu, 15/02/2018 - 12:56

Hi, thank you!
I don't speak Icelandic, but I think there is a "you" missing here:
every moment, that spend next to me

Regular smile

blitzkopf    Tue, 08/05/2018 - 23:59

Hi, I have a few suggestions for improvement, mostly having to do with with the mood of the original, nuances that might be hard to pick up for non-native.
I would start the first two lines with "each" instead of "every" as it better conveys the scarcity of those steps and moments.
The second line I would also suggest using "Each moment you lingered with me", at least it should be "spent" not "spend".

In the third verse I don't think "grjót" is supposed to mean "prison" it's just rocks or stones. The noun "grjót" is a slang for prison but I think it is exclusively used in it's definitive form "grjótið" "grjótinu" referring to some person being in the slammer (or going there), I at least don't recall prison ever being called "grjót" by itself.
And for the last line "and the world's plans brewed/hatched by evil men", brewing is probably not used for making evil plans in english so hatched is maybe better or even intrigued.