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Lo Eterno (English translation)

Proofreading requested
Spanish
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Lo Eterno

(hablando)
¡Bien! Ahora, otra guajira:
¡Lo Eterno!
 
Vengo a traerte un recado
de tu pueblo que es mi pueblo:
Dice el pueblo, Che Guevara,
que es mentira que hayas muerto.
 
Tu presencia firme y clara
como estrella refulgente
sigue alerta y combatiente,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
Hombres como tu no mueren
ni en la Historia ni en el Tiempo.
¡Como habrían de morirse
los hombres que son eternos!
 
Tu presencia firme y clara
como estrella refulgente
sigue alerta y combatiente,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
Dice el pueblo, Comandante,
que sigue la voz de acero
de tu fusil encendido
por el continente entero.
 
Tu presencia firme y clara
como estrella refulgente
sigue alerta y combatiente,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
Dice el pueblo, Comandante,
que sigue firme en su puesto
tu corazón legendario
aguerrido y guerrillero.
 
Tu presencia firme y clara
como estrella refulgente
sigue alerta y combatiente,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
Como fuiste mas que un hombre
como fuiste luz y ejemplo
vivirás eternamente
en el corazón del pueblo.
 
Tu presencia firme y clara
como estrella refulgente
sigue alerta y combatiente,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
Submitted by AldefinaAldefina on Sat, 17/10/2015 - 15:35
English translationEnglish
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The Eternal One

Versions: #1#2
(spoken)
Okay, now another guajira! 1
The Eternal One!
 
I come to bring you a message
from your people, who are my people:
People say, Che Guevara,
that it’s a lie that you’re dead.
 
Your presence, continuous and bright,
like of a shining star,
is still on alert and ready for combat,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
People like you never get erased,
both from history and from time.
How could people
who are eternal die!
 
Your presence, continuous and bright,
like of a shining star,
is still on alert and ready for combat,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
People say, Comandante,
that the steely voice
of your burning rifle is still heard
throughout the whole continent.
 
Your presence, continuous and bright,
like of a shining star,
is still on alert and ready for combat,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
People say, Comandante,
that your legendary heart
remains firm in its place,
battle-hardened and guerrilla.
 
Your presence, continuous and bright,
like of a shining star,
is still on alert and ready for combat,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
Since you were more than a man,
since you were the light and the example,
you will live eternally
in the hearts of the people.
 
Your presence, continuous and bright,
like of a shining star,
is still on alert and ready for combat,
Comandante Che Guevara.
 
  • 1. Cuban country (rural) song.
Thanks!
thanked 1 time

Copyright®: Andrzej Pałka.

All translations are protected by copyright law. Copying and publishing on other websites or in other media, even with the source link, is not allowed without a written permission of the author.

Todas las traducciones son protegidas por la ley de derechos de autor. Es prohibido copiar y publicarlas en otros sitios o en otros medios, incluso con el enlace de origen, sin un permiso del autor.

Wszystkie tłumaczenia są chronione prawami autorskimi. Kopiowanie i publikowanie na innych stronach internetowych lub w innych mediach, jest dozwolone wyłącznie po uzyskaniu pisemnej zgody autora. Podanie źródła tłumaczenia nie zastępuje zgody autora.

Submitted by AldefinaAldefina on Sat, 17/10/2015 - 15:37
Last edited by AldefinaAldefina on Mon, 19/10/2015 - 14:15
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
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Comments
macfaddenmacfadden    Sat, 17/10/2015 - 15:58

Well done. Because you asked for proofreading, I have written down a few suggestions. I find the 'neither... nor...' structure is very over-used in translations from Spanish to English because in Spanish it is very natural and common to say 'ni... ni...' but, in English, it sounds like something out of a legal document or a logic textbook. In the third verse (not counting the spoken intro), I would suggest saying "from history or from time" or "not from history or from time." Also, and I suppose this is personal preference, but capitalizing 'history' and 'time' here seems a little odd to me and is not necessary. And there should be no comma between 'eternal' and 'die' at the end of that verse. I would also suggest saying 'through' or 'throughout' instead of 'on' in the line that says "on the whole continent." And one last thing: I would recommend "you will live eternally" rather than "you will be living eternally." The latter sounds odd and is not what the Spanish version says, either.

roster 31roster 31    Sat, 17/10/2015 - 16:51

Very good, Andrzej! Pretty much like your old one "Hasta siempre", right?
I think you are as fond of Che as you are of Julio Iglesias.

You address the title exclusively to him. Is that the way you want it? Because, actually, the original says "Lo eterno" --> "The eternal", general inclusion.

Hansi K_LauerHansi K_Lauer    Sat, 17/10/2015 - 19:41

>"that that the steely voice"
one "that" too much

AldefinaAldefina    Mon, 19/10/2015 - 15:15

Gracias mis amigos por todos sus comentarios y sugerencias.
Así que uno tras otro:

@Macfadden: “Ni… ni…” is very similar in Polish, because it’s “ani… ani…” and in English, even though it’s not my native language, the literal translation sounds to me also too “technical”. I’ve changed the whole stanza. Is it better this way? Or “fade away” was better?

As for the comma: As I understood the main sentence was “How could people die” and “who are eternal” was an interjection, so this is why I separated it with two commas. This is the general rule for the Polish grammar and I believed it was universal. I think it would be better to delete both commas, as I did now.

@Rosa: This is exactly what I thought when I heard this song for the first time. You can say it’s the final “Hasta siempre”.

I started translating Carlos Puebla’s songs not because I was fond of Che. These songs also don’t represent my political views. I do it for different reasons. I noticed that nobody has translated these songs (apart from very few) and I believe it’s a good idea to do that just to show others what he sang about. I don’t care that his songs are just a pure communistic propaganda. I just think it’s interesting to learn his songs, because they are simply the part of the history and for me also a reminiscence of my trip to Cuba. Also the language he uses is not easy to understand, so this forces me to use not only dictionaries, but also my imagination. As for the most parts of his songs it’s impossible to translate them literally and that forces me to translate them “a mi manera” and that’s what I like (as you know).

The title was very tricky to translate (and some parts of the lyrics too), because “eternal” is an adjective - the same as “eterno” in Spanish - so it refers to “lo”, that can be translated as “it” or “him”. This way in my opinion it wouldn’t be the best solution to write “The eternal”, because the noun would be missing and I just added it (“one”). It’s the only way of translating the title I can think of and for me it fits perfectly the lyrics.

@Hans: Yeah, I overlooked it. Thanks.

macfaddenmacfadden    Mon, 19/10/2015 - 20:26

It is fine to use 'erased' instead of 'fade away.' However, "both... and..." means that such people are not erased from history and time, but might be erased from one of the two, which is not what the original means. I suggest either "people like you are never erased from history or from time," or "people like you are never erased, not from history or from time."

AldefinaAldefina    Tue, 20/10/2015 - 22:48

How about: “People like you never get erased from history nor from time”?
I meant “get erased” not “are erased” as you wrote.

If you don’t like it I will use your first suggestion.

macfaddenmacfadden    Tue, 20/10/2015 - 22:59

'Nor' really doesn't fit well here. I would recommend, "People like you are never erased from history or from time," or any of my previous suggestions.

Read about music throughout history