Russia is waging a disgraceful war on Ukraine. Stand With Ukraine!

New York, New York (Hebrew translation)

Hebrew translationHebrew (metered, poetic, rhyming, singable)
A A

חיפה, חיפה

ספרו בקיבוץ, אני מתחפף
אני רוצה להיות כבר שם - חיפה, חיפה
יוצא למירוץ, רוצה לכייף
רוצה לצעוד שם כמו כולם - חיפה, חיפה
 
רוצה להתעורר בעיר עם התחתית
רוצה לשלוט בהדר - לחיות עם תכלית
 
הבלוז של השמו"ץ מזמן התעופף
אתחיל לחיות כמו בן אדם בלב חיפה
כי אם אצליח שם, אכבוש את העולם
הכל בזכות חיפה, חיפה
 
Thanks!
thanked 1 time
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).
Submitted by GrinstGrinst on Tue, 18/01/2022 - 13:39
English
English
English

New York, New York

Comments
Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 14:20

Hey Moshe,
I thought one-star reviews are reserved for either a 100% GT or terribly incompetent text in the language of translation. Here we have a pretty lovable adaptation of the original song with substituted concepts ( as per the definition of the "Poetic" tag). The comparison of NYC's subway to Carmelit in Haifa was especially funny (in a good way). The spirit of the original song is there IMHO.

Moshe KayeMoshe Kaye    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 14:27

You know you may be right but it's not the same song! It's very well done as i said above but it's a new work of art not a translation IMO.

I'll let a mod weigh in here as i don't know the rules. One can call anything poetic and change the meaning.. so i think the one star is justified. If they say it isn't then i'll change it...

[@thomas222] [@lt]

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 14:35

One-star is a black mark of incompetence which clearly does not apply here. This is a brand new member ( less than a month here) who has a lot to offer. One star is extremely unfair and potentially very counterproductive. I suggest that you remove the review but leave your comment.

Moshe KayeMoshe Kaye    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 14:38

Well we will have to disagree on this point as we often do... :-)

Dr_Igor schreef:

One-star is a black mark of incompetence which clearly does not apply here. This is a brand new member ( less than a month here) who has a lot to offer. One star is extremely unfair and potentially very counterproductive. I suggest that you remove the review but leave your comment.

Moshe KayeMoshe Kaye    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 14:35

one further thought to consider. If one was to take the translation of HaTikvah and change it to something else, poetic yes, but less hopeful would it be ok? I don't think so. As a separate work of art, sure but not as a translation of an existing work of art. A similar meaning should shine through no matter the words that are chosen. In this case the meaning IS different thus the low score.

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 14:49

Moshe,
come back to your senses. In our small circle of people dealing with Hebrew, we get a new member, a very creative one who does rhyming and singable translations/adaptations to Hebrew, and this is how you welcome him/her?

Moshe KayeMoshe Kaye    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 15:06

Fine. I removed it. without standards all we have is a balagan but perhaps that is what's desired.

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 15:17

Good for you Moshe. You clearly stated your disagreement with this text being a translation but now without the stigma of the one-star review.
The issue of adaptations vs translations is not an easy one. There have been quite a few discussions in the Russian "section" about it.

Moshe KayeMoshe Kaye    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 15:20

If i changed the meaning of Anna Karenina i suspect your reaction would be very different but i am done with this discussion. the OP can make changes or not. I think sh/e should post it as a separate work of art because that is what it is.

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 15:27
Moshe Kaye schreef:

I think sh/e should post it as a separate work of art because that is what it is.

I would agree with that. It is an adaptation, a good one. To call it a translation is a stretch in most people's understanding of the word "translation".

Moshe KayeMoshe Kaye    Tue, 18/01/2022 - 15:48

I never said it wasn't! The OP took a (the!) definitive classic American Song Book song that almost every American knows and changed it significantly.... hence my reaction. I love Haifa ( i lived in the area and worked in Haifa) but it isn't New York City.

BTW New York, New York is repeated because it's the name of the city in new york state.

so to be fair and accurate this should be called Haifa, Israel or even Haifa, The North, Israel.

~Moshe

Dr_Igor schreef:
Moshe Kaye schreef:

I think sh/e should post it as a separate work of art because that is what it is.

I would agree with that. It is an adaptation, a good one. To call it a translation is a stretch in most people's understanding of the word "translation".

GrinstGrinst    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 10:46
Moshe Kaye schreef:

I never said it wasn't! The OP took a (the!) definitive classic American Song Book song that almost every American knows and changed it significantly.... hence my reaction. I love Haifa ( i lived in the area and worked in Haifa) but it isn't New York City.

BTW New York, New York is repeated because it's the name of the city in new york state.

so to be fair and accurate this should be called Haifa, Israel or even Haifa, The North, Israel.

It's a song about a small town boy coming to live in the big city, and while Tel Aviv is probably a better comparison, it won't fit the metre...
The official Hebrew pronunciation is hei-FA, not HAI-fa, which is the Arabic name.
Of course, no Israeli would say "Heifa, Israel" or "Heifa, The North" Regular smile

GrinstGrinst    Tue, 25/01/2022 - 10:50

BTW, the Belarusian translation refers to Babruysk Teeth smile

Read about music throughout history