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Океаны (Okeany) (English translation)

English translationEnglish
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Oceans

I beg you, don't believe what
people say again about us.
I realize very well that
I can't even breathe without you
 
And your eyes turned into oceans
and there's no light brighter than them.
What do I care of winter now?
Your fire will last me a thousand years.
 
You know, we really were
in love, you and me...
One single love
for the both of us...
But now, without you
I'm like a bird without wings
dying in the sky
like one star...
 
You offered me a voice
and two wings
at the end of winter.,
for I was all you needed
and only you understood my heart!
 
And your eyes turned into oceans
and there's no light brighter than them.
What do I care of winter now?
Your fire will last me a thousand years.
 
You know, we really were
in love, you and me...
One single love
for the both of us...
But now, without you
I'm like a bird without wings
dying in the sky
like one star...
 
I beg you, don't believe what
people say again about us.
I realize very well that
I can't even breathe without you
 
And your eyes turned into oceans
and there's no light brighter than them.
What do I care of winter now?
Your fire will last me a thousand years.
 
You know, we really were
in love, you and me...
One single love
for the both of us...
But now, without you
I'm like a bird without wings
dying in the sky
like one star...
 
I'm dying in the sky
like one star...
 
Thanks!
thanked 11 times

Do whatever you want with my translations.
They no more belong to me than the air I breathe.

Submitted by silencedsilenced on Sun, 18/10/2020 - 19:10
Last edited by silencedsilenced on Tue, 20/10/2020 - 09:01
Author's comments:

[@Jadis] je compte sur toi pour vérifier le bazar Regular smile

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Океаны (Okeany)

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Translations of "Океаны (Okeany)"
English silenced
5
Comments
Vera JahnkeVera Jahnke    Sun, 18/10/2020 - 20:44
5

A very good translation! And my congratulation on your 500th! 😃👍

Sophia_Sophia_    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 06:08

[edited: swear words have been removed]

Sorry my anger, but Pierre promise me that his 500 translation will be fr-->en "The old lady".

I was exited and couldn't wait to congratulate him.

And he broke his own promise.

silencedsilenced    Sun, 18/10/2020 - 22:08

Dang... It was just meant as a comment on a GT-like translation. The page was removed in the mean time and I published it without thinking.
Sorry, I've tried to restore the balance.

Sophia_Sophia_    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:22

PM, please.

Sophia_Sophia_    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:14
Vera Jahnke wrote:

my congratulation on your 500th! 😃👍

Sorry, Vera, but you are wrong,
Technically this is Pierre's translation # 499

Sophia_Sophia_    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 01:22

Pierre, ну как ты мог, сволочь ты поганая . Не стыдно обещания нарушать?

Всё, ты мне больше не брат.
Забирай свои игрушки и не писай в мой горшок!  Tongue smile

Pinchus ZelenogorskyPinchus Zelenogorsky    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:22

Не писай скорее в chamber-pot. Иначе звучит похоже на известный анекдот про тещу.

Sophia_Sophia_    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:24

Эмм?
Что за анекдот? Тот, где тёща писает в борщ? Teeth smile

Sophia_Sophia_    Sun, 18/10/2020 - 21:23

I am waiting for you answer!..
I am serious, no kidding.  Confused smile

Was it so hard to wait until Alma Barroca will do his magic mderators action?

Sophia_Sophia_    Sun, 18/10/2020 - 23:41

[@silenced] Pierre, do you remember what you promise to me? You promised me not to publish any translations until "The old lady" become yours again. And you broke the promise. Is it honest? NO!

IrulaIrula    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:47

Great gob again!!!👍👏👏👏

One little misunderstanding here though:

И сердце мое понял только ты! => And only you understood my hear (not vice versa: my heart understood only you)

silencedsilenced    Sun, 18/10/2020 - 23:35

No mistranslation at all in a Russian song? That was too good to be true Teeth smile

Sophia_Sophia_    Sun, 18/10/2020 - 23:39

It was a typo, I guess

Sophia_Sophia_    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 01:21

Irina, I have calmed down just now.
Please, don't make me angry again.
I was triggered by this '500th'
Technically this translation is #499 and Pierre's 500th translation is  The old lady (La Vieille) 
Please, take a look here

IrulaIrula    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:18

Sorry, sorry! I stand corrected! 😁👍

Sophia_Sophia_    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:21

Could you please edit your previous comment then?

IrulaIrula    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:48

Done! Now delete yours with a quote :-)))

Sophia_Sophia_    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 06:11

I removed the quote.
Peace!

Pinchus ZelenogorskyPinchus Zelenogorsky    Sun, 18/10/2020 - 23:44

>people will say again about us.
А зачем will? Present simple.
>and there's no light brighter than them.
them or theirs?
>tousand
thousand
>Пропадаю в небе
Мне кажется, она не falling, but rather vanish, perish
>like a lone star...
may be, like alone star (одна, не одинокая)

silencedsilenced    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:09

I suppose "are saying" is ok too, but the difference is not huge

A light brighter than an object would be OK in French, but maybe that sounds odd in English?

"vanishing in the sky" would work ok for the star (as when the sky gets brighter at dawn) but sound odd for the bird. I suppose the image of a falling bird and a lone(ly) star are more consistent with "falling"?

"lone" is like "isolated/lonely", I don't see much difference with "a star (all) alone / on its own in the sky".
"an alone star" won't work, "alone" is a predicative only adjective.

Pinchus ZelenogorskyPinchus Zelenogorsky    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:21

Я хотел сказать, что пропадать - это не падать, это гибнуть.
"Одна звезда" звучит как намек: как "некая звезда" (вполне определенная, но какая именно - я вам не скажу)

silencedsilenced    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 00:41

if that serves the Russian best, so be it.

JadisJadis    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 07:17

Le "bazar" me paraît tout à fait correct, à l'exception d'une ou deux typos :
tousand > thousand
at the end of winter., > il doit y avoir une ponctuation en trop.
J'ai aussi remarqué qu'il y avait pas mal d'inversions dans le texte russe, ce serait peut-être pas mal d'essayer de les conserver quand c'est possible ? (par exemple : Ведь тебе нужна лишь я / И сердце мое понял только ты : au moins pour la 2ème partie, on pourrait dire en français : et mon coeur, toi seul l'a compris)
--
P.S. Je crois que Deanna s'était proposée pour la traduction en anglais, mais au moment où je lui répondais que je n'avais pas d'objection, la page précédente a disparu dans le néant (dont elle n'aurait jamais dû sortir). I hope [@BlackSea4ever] is not just buying a sharp knife in order to cut me in two. I plead not guilty!

silencedsilenced    Mon, 19/10/2020 - 09:30

Je voulais juste poster ça en commentaire, pour que Juan puisse se faire une idée des pbs de l'autre version. Mais le temps de le taper, pouf !

Mmm... C'est toujours dangereux de tripoter l'ordre des mots en anglais, avec maître Yoda qui rôde dans le coin. Mais on peut peut-être essayer de donner un ton un peu plus dramatique. "only you could..." c'est déjà assez emphatique, j'ai peur d'en faire trop avec "You were the one who..." ou qq ch comme ça.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 06:50

I am always late, sorry, was it 500?

Мне твоего огня хватит на тысячу лет
Your fire will last me a tousand years.
--> I am not an English native speaker, of course, but it sounds weird to me

I'll be hot in your fire for a thousand years ? Something like this? Sounds weird too?

Sophia_Sophia_    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 06:59
Igeethecat escreveu:

I am always late, sorry, was it 500?

No, it was NOT.
It is translation #499, as I mentioned before.

Sophia_Sophia_    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 07:30

Yes, exactly!

Treugol'nyTreugol'ny    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 07:43

"like one star..."- If she is like a bird without a wing in the sky, then all she can do is to fall down. I think the Russian lyrics not so good and was put together to suit the music. She disappears in the sky like a falling(fading) star. Or maybe she is a lonely star rather then a single (one) star?
Kind Regards,
Anatoli

silencedsilenced    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 08:35

well, I was told "falling" and "lone" were wrong so I changed them. I can put them back though.

JadisJadis    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 08:53

But you didn't correct "tousand"... Wink smile
 

Treugol'nyTreugol'ny    Tue, 20/10/2020 - 12:09

Don't change anything, it's a very good translation of not so good lyrics.

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