Russia has started a deceptive and disgraceful military attack on Ukraine. Stand With Ukraine!
How you can support Ukraine 🇺🇦
LT → Russian → Yanka Dyagileva → По трамвайным рельсам → English

По трамвайным рельсам (Po tramvainym relsam) (English translation)

✕
English translationEnglish (metered, poetic)
A A

Along the Tramcar Railways

Versions: #1#2#3#4
And we will go together
On a stroll along the tramcar railways.
We will sit together
On the pipes at the start of a traffic circle.
And the breeze that warms us
Will be a heavy smoke from the foundry’s chimneys.
And our guiding star
Will be a yellow saucer of the roadway signal.
 
If we are lucky,
We will not return to our cage until nightfall.
We must learn how
To bury ourselves in the ground in two seconds.
This way we would stay below
When above us grey trucks would start rolling,
Taking away all those
Who never learned or wanted to wallow in the puddles.
 
If we don’t run out of time,
We’ll continue our crawl across the railway sleepers.1
You will see the sky,
I will see fresh soil on your sneaker's soles.
Should we make it back together safely,
If the cops aren't waiting,
We would have to burn our clothes
Fast inside the furnace.
 
If they do, please don't tell
That we were walking along the tramcar railways.
It’s the first condition for a felony
Or schizophrenia.
From the wall Iron Felix2 will cast smiles
Through his portrait.
This will go on forever,
This will be [a] very fair-minded
 
Punishment for us,
For us strolling along the tramcar railways.
A fair-minded punishment
For strolling along the tramcar railways.
They will kill us
For walking on the tramcar railways.
They will kill us
Since you and I had been walking on the tramcar railways.
 
  • 1. wooden crossties in States
  • 2. Felix Dzerzhinsky, nicknamed "Iron Felix", was a Bolshevik revolutionary and official. He led the first Soviet state-security organization, establishing a secret police for the post-revolutionary Soviet regime.
Thanks!
❤
thanked 3 times
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).

© Schnurrbrat

Critique is always welcomed, negative too.

Submitted by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Thu, 11/06/2020 - 22:29
Last edited by SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat on Mon, 15/06/2020 - 23:35
Russian/Romanization/Romanization
Russian/Romanization/+1Romanization
Russian

По трамвайным рельсам (Po tramvainym relsam)

✕
Translations of "По трамвайным ..."
English M,PSchnurrbrat
English S Brat
English jen sa
English Nimbie
Yanka Dyagileva: Top 3
1.Думы окаянные (Dumy okayannye)
2.Печаль моя светла (Pechalʹ moya svetla)
3.Особый резон (Osobyy rezon)
Comments
PinchusPinchus    Thu, 11/06/2020 - 23:08

А перевод Брата Вас не устроил?
Мне показалось странным, что и во второй и в четвертой строках второй строфы использован один оборот: "to bury ourselves", хотя, как мне кажется, тут противопоставление: либо валяешься в грязи, либо зарываешься в землю за две секунды (тогда вроде и не валяешься). А если не умеешь зарываться, то и тебя увезут.
Интересно, откуда она взяла "синие фуражки". Мне кажется, они вместе с НКВД исчезли.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Thu, 11/06/2020 - 23:25

Переводы Брата (ЯД-ой) я читал очень мало, грешен. как-нибудь прочту. Наверно он работал побольше над ними.
Перевел в обед на коленке, потому-что хотелось перевести хорошую песню, это практически единственная моя мотивация.
Был шанс использовать "dig in in ground" но надоело народ мучать такими оборотами.
Про фуражки не знаю, может они и действительно исчезли с Шараповым. Остались серые-синие кепи.
Кто хочеть стать милиционером, милиционером, милиционером?

PinchusPinchus    Thu, 11/06/2020 - 23:37

Да, по поводу dig in in был уже затяжной спор, помню. Это надо делать за 2 секунды, тогда спорщики не успевают. Не читать чужие переводы - это правильно наверно.
Reverso на "валяться в грязи" предлагает roll in the mud. Для моего племени это вопрос принципиальный, dig in in мы не так хорошо умеем. Граунд Дигинин - похоже на имя героя приключенческого романа. Почти граф Монтекристо.
>Кто хочеть стать милиционером, милиционером, милиционером?
Теперь они у нас уже полиционеры.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Thu, 11/06/2020 - 23:55

Проблема, что я использовал ground изначально. Если делать как Вы предлагаете, я бы перевел smear themselves with ... , но smear with ground не работает, можно smear with soil или еще что-нибудь. надо подумать.
Я читаю, но если перевод еще сырой, то читать другие версии, значит набираться чужих мыслей. Заглянул к брату бегло.
Lol. У него такой же футнот стоит про sleepers! Два сапога пара. Teeth smile

IremiaIremia    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:32

Увозя с собою тех, кто не умел и не хотел в грязи валяться => taking away those who could not or had no desire/didn’t want to wallow in mud.

IremiaIremia    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:34

А ещё я бы перевела
Трамвайные рельсы => tramcar tracks

PinchusPinchus    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:35

Так ведь сначала "зарываться в землю", а потом "валяться в грязи". Ground можно в начале, а mud - в конце, при желании

IremiaIremia    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:43

Так какие у Вас претензии? Одни должны уметь зарываться в землю, чтобы их не заметили, другие не хотят валяться в грязи.
We need to learn how to bury ourselves in the ground in two seconds flat and stay there when the trucks will be rolling on top of/above us to....

PinchusPinchus    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:54

Это я реагировал на реплику 42: "Проблема, что я использовал ground изначально..."
>Одни должны уметь зарываться в землю, чтобы их не заметили, другие не хотят валяться в грязи.
Я понимаю иначе. Одни должны уметь зарываться в землю, чтобы их не заметили, а другие хотят валяться в грязи. То есть это альтернативы: либо зарываешься, либо валяешься.

silencedsilenced    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:47

until the nightfall -> no "the". It's not a specific nightfall.

ourselves in ground -> funny,Google only finds this page when asked for "ourselves in ground" Regular smile
"in the ground", "the ground" being ground as a concept, like "fly in the sky"

will start rolling -> "would" to keep consistent with the previous verb?

these who nevert learned... -> "those" seems better (they are not close to them, so you'd use those/that instead of these/this)

в грязи валяться -> more like "wallow in mud/dirt" ?

outer soles -> sounds very technical. These are the only soles she'll ever see unless the shoes get dissected Regular smile
why not just "soles"?

We would have to burn... if we make -> would/made or will/make

blue caps -> cops I guess?

Waiting with their greetings -> another one-page result for Google Regular smile
"waiting to greet us" or something? Btw. It's a filler, right?

keep silence that we did walk -> "that" can't follow "silence". "keep silence about us walking..." maybe, but that's not exactly elegant.
"please don't tell them that we..."? That would be simpler

They will kill us that you and I were walking -> I don't think that works.
I'd put "because" instead of "that". and "walked" instead of "were walking"
For a progressive you'd need "had been walking" (since it's a done thing at the time of their "execution") but there is no other verb in the sentence that would require to sort the events with such a precision.

PinchusPinchus    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:58

Оказывается, есть такой термин: "быстрый перевод", кажется, даже соревнования где-то проходят.

PinchusPinchus    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 00:57

42 пытается приблизиться к E, как я понимаю, что существенно усложняет задачу.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 18:52

I've started fixing things.
All is reasonable, outer soles were a filler. Blue caps - blue hats, not a typo a dysphemism for cops.
I am not done yet, a bit busy.

I couldn't figure out grammar in one sentence when I was originally translating it and I have no clue now.
Would you please mind helping me out?

There is an inverted conditional:
Надо будет сжечь в печи одежду, если мы вернемся, Если нас не встретят на пороге синие фуражки.
Do you think it is o.k. to leave this sentence in the same word order as in Russian? We+verb+object, 1st if clause, 2nd if clause.
Or I should reverse it? I didn't. It breaks everything as you see. I used a period after the first part, I'm not sure that it is helpful though.
If we are keeping the original word order, what conditional type should I use? I was thinking of the present simple + will ...
How would you deal with verb conjugations there?
Thank you in advance.

silencedsilenced    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 21:37

LOL I didn't even notice "caps" and "cops" were so close. I just meant "blue caps" was probably a periphrasis for cops.

btw. "would you please mind..." does not work as intended.

OK, now for that sentence:

Literally I'd say:
We'll have to burn our clothes in the oven if we go back (there), that is, if the pigs don't wait (to catch) us at the door.

putting the two conditions in a row sounds odd to me, but "that is" restores the sequential order:
go back --(possibly)-> caught by pigs --(if not)-> burn clothes

For something a bit more lively:
We'll have to burn our clothes if we get back, assuming the pigs don't nab us at the door

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 22:01

Thank you, I'm blessed with helpers and with a two-day weekend to figure out this line. To say nothing of the stackexchange, I love this website.
But my lifelong practice of poor grammar will continue to prevail without a doubt.

silencedsilenced    Fri, 12/06/2020 - 22:05

Fishing for compliments, are you? Or maybe I can lend you my flail? It's very efficient for self-mortification.

Read about music throughout history