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Silhuet (English translation)

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Proofreading requested
English translation

Silhouette

I dream of letting you go
To release
What I
 
I can't get
I hope to resurrect
In a new body
With myself
On the outside
 
I dream of letting you go
To release
What I
I can't get
I hope to resurrect
In a new body
With myself
On the outside
 
You are x3
My only friend
 
You are x3
My only friend
 
You are x3
My only friend
 
I'll never let go
My beloved silhouette
 
I'll never let go
My lonely silhouette
 
Submitted by Bryan C. on Wed, 28/02/2018 - 01:16
Last edited by Bryan C. on Thu, 01/03/2018 - 06:52
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
Danish

Silhuet

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Comments
HinKyto    Wed, 28/02/2018 - 07:08

What do I do -> What I

Hope to resurrect -> I hope to resurrect
Well, this is not technically wrong, but I think giving the extra context here is beneficial to the reader

With my self -> With myself

I never give up -> I'll never let go
Often, Danish uses present tense instead of future tense

Overall, your translation gets the meaning across, and besides the third line, nothing's really incorrectly translated, the other corrections just seem more fitting.
I'll give the song a look later on to see if the lyrics need to be revised (structurally, that is.) I'll let you know if I change anything Regular smile

HinKyto    Wed, 28/02/2018 - 12:28

Like I said in my previous comment, I've revised the lyrics and changed it around a bit Regular smile