Падал Снег (traducción al Inglés)


Падал Снег

Шла по земле Старуха Горе 
Да счастливым наступала на пятки 
Завядали на просторе
Под её стопами грядки 
А на небе Печаль Королева, 
С бирюзовыми глазами 
Каждым утром хорошела, 
Всё говорила, причитала:
«Ни к чему мастерить колесницу в небо - 
Коли сгнили сани под забором
Ни к чему со стихами к Богу – 
Коли с сёмками, за разговором"
Доверяешься братишке, 
Как лепили из снега бабу, 
Как бежали со двора детишки 
Срам завидя и всё такое! 
Смех и грех
Падал снег, снег, снег
Как один поэт несчастный 
Песни пел замерзшим птицам 
Заплетал слова опасной, 
Золотой нерукотворной спицей. 
А потом ему его творенья 
Спать спокойно не давали, 
Как нашли его с петлей на шее…. 
Кто он был? Как его звали? 
«Ни к чему мастерить колесницу в небо -
Коли сгнили сани под забором
Ни к чему со стихами к Богу –
Коли с сёмками, за разговором"
Доверяешься братишке,
Как лепили из снега бабу,
Как бежали со двора детишки
Срам завидя и всё такое!
Смех и грех
Падал снег, снег, снег
А я решила что навстречу 
Этим птицам полечу я 
Стану пугалом, оградой, 
Стану мглою непроглядной 
Чтобы мимо пролетали, 
Чтоб не ведали, не знали, 
Как делили под забором, 
Души, с семками, за разговором. 
Жизнь такая странная штука - 
Как зима в начале мая, 
Эх, выходи ко мне плясать Горе-старуха, 
Ты как судьба моя - хромая
Да на правую ногу, 
А на левою - вприпрыжку! 
Заберу тебя с собой в дорогу, 
Заберу тебя, бедняга…. 
Смех и грех
Падал снег, снег, снег
Publicado por IdiotKilljoyWithoutPride el Vie, 29/12/2017 - 15:31
Editado por última vez por sandring el Mié, 21/11/2018 - 20:21
Align paragraphs
traducción al Inglés

And the Snow Fell

Versiones: #1#2#3
1 Grief, an old lady, wanders the Earth
happily following in the footsteps 2 of others.
Wherever she went
the flowers wilted beneath her feet.
But in the sky, this queen of sorrow
with turquoise eyes,
became more beautiful, each morning.
She still lamented -
"Why should I make a golden chariot in the sky,
when I can make sleighs rot on the bad side of town 3?
There's no need to pay tribute to God,
as long as people still snack on sunflower seeds 4, gossiping."
Wake up, brothers,
this is how to build a snowman.
this is how to make the children run away from your yard.
Such things are a disgrace. 5
It's funny, yet sad 6.
And, the snow fell, more and more snow.
There was a time when one certain depressed poet
sang songs to frozen birds 7
using angry 8 words,
of a "Magic Golden Needle." 9
But his songs
kept him from sleeping.
And one day, he was found with a noose around his neck.
Who was that? What was his name? 10
"There is no reason to make golden chariots in the sky,
when you can make sleighs rot under fences.
No need to pay tribute to God
as long as people still sit and gossip."
Wake up, brothers,
and make a snowman.
as the children run away from your yard.
Such things are a disgrace.
It's funny, yet sad
The snow fell, snow, snow.
I wanted a meeting,
so I flew to the frozen birds, 11
and became a scarecrow,
of impenetrable fog. 12
That way, I could fly over
but never really see or know
what was rotting on the bad side of town 13.
Yet people 14, kept snacking on sunflower seeds, spreading rumors.
Life is such a strange thing -
like winter in early May,
So, come to me and dance Mrs. Grief, you old woman,
You're like my fate:
Crippled on the right foot,
while skipping along on the left.
I'll take you with me wherever I go.
I'll take you - you pitiful thing.
It is funny, yet sad.
And, the snow fell, snow, snow
  • 1. A song about the life and works of Sergei Esenin, a Russian poet whose life was as tragic as his poems. Russians familiar with his poems will read a LOT more into this song than this simple translation implies. It is a song which sadly, posthumously, tells of this man's battles with alcohol and depression.
  • 2. "heels"
  • 3. "under fences"
  • 4. Russian poetic terminology
  • 5. Russian poetry
  • 6. "of laughter and sin"
  • 7. This is a direct reference to Sergei Esenin's lyrical poems.
  • 8. "dangerous"
  • 9. An obscure reference, that even Russians familiar with his works argue over its significance and meaning. So, don't expect me (an American) to do any better.
  • 10. This is a rhetorical question, because many Russians know that his name is Sergei Esenin.
  • 11. using Esenin's poetry
  • 12. "mist"
  • 13. "under the fence"
  • 14. "souls"
Publicado por Phil Ambro el Mié, 21/11/2018 - 10:38
Added in reply to request by Igeethecat
Editado por última vez por Phil Ambro el Dom, 25/11/2018 - 02:40
Comentarios del autor:

A song about the life and works of Sergei Esenin.

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 20:04

I would love for you to explain that to me in the context of this song. As far as I can see (without understanding subtle nuances), it seems to be about a hag that everyone has living on their backs. (At least as an American, it is the understanding that I got from these lyrics.) Cultural differences, when not explained can drastically change one's understanding. A little help plz.

Kashtanka1965    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:01

Phil, you have a gift to pick the most difficult songs to translate and give those song completely different meanings.
Good night. It's getting late.

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 20:05

I don't do it on purpose, just trying to respond to requests. But, that does seem to be the case. LOL

Jadis    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:12

Ah, so the unhappy poet was Essenin, right, he hanged himself (or was helped to do so...) in a hotel room. I was thinking of Tsvetaeva. Anyway, instead of "The old hag known as "Grief", I would have said "Old Woman Grief" for ex. What about the chariot in the sky, the rotten sleighs and the frozen birds ? Does it refer to Essenin's poetry ?

ingirumimusnocte    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:31

Frankly I don't see the point in translating a song when even natives have a hard time understanding it. With all these missed allusions the translation doesn't make any sense. With no clear meaning to guide it, it's bound to be ripe with mistranslations.

Jadis    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:32

Well, with a lot of footnotes... but we have to be helped by Russian natives anyway ! Lyudy, pomogite !

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:50

Lol, you wouldn't. I agree with P, but I don't think he realizes that we, the mortals, sometimes reach for the stars...
Anyway, please check my version and let me know what you think - I got to go to work, but I will add some explanations later to see if I got the right meanings. N, thanks in advance.

Jadis    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:52

Well you're lucky, then you can explain us what the heck is" that "Золотая нерукотворная спица". I only found "Спас Нерукотворный", but there doesn't seem to be the faintest link ? (and even less with Yesenin ?)

ingirumimusnocte    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:53

Would that be an allusion to Koschei the Immortal, by any chance?

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:55

Спица can be translated as arm/hand. I believe it means he writes with the divine inspiration

Jadis    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 13:58

Спасибо Ваше Величество, уже ждать не можем.

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 14:01

I didn't have much time this morning. And I most struggled with:
Доверяешься братишке,
Как лепили из снега бабу,
Как бежали со двора детишки
Срам завидя и всё такое!

Looking forward to yours

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 14:05

Now you are just shopping for compliments. It's bad enough snowMAN Is in English. But now, you have to know about the nature of gossip that was following him. The drinking - is that the under the fence reference. I'll get killed at work - LT is addictive.

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 15:48

Ah, I was thinking the same. Just not up on gossip. And just for a "change", a disaster at work. Call it holiday special...

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:00

Bad-bad girl, you deleted all comments again. Lol.
Waiting impatiently.
Reading up on Yesenin. I knew he was married to Isadora Duncan, was an alcoholic, and considered antisemitic (still not clear why) but not any other unsubstantiated rumors. If you have any useful links, please include!

Happy Thanksgiving! As a present to all of you, I won't rant on how Indians were treated...

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 20:13

Seems like my translation started an argument, but luckily for me it's between Russians. Have a good conversation about whose translation is "correct", and how to write it. However, my translation, as wrong and off-point as it may be, IS at least understandable. When you start putting in vague references to "cracking sunflower seeds", as much as your translation may be perfect, I can promise you that it will NOT be understandable in English, and after all, isn't that the REASON for a translation? So, best of luck to you all. When you make the definitive translation, I'll delete mine. Hugs.

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:01

It's better than GT! Still, it's not to your fault. I'm trying to let you know that most of this song, which may make sense to Russians (with your vast understanding of poetry) has no meaning to Americans who have no such background. Spitting sunflower sseds (gossiping) might as well just be "gossiping". And, if "Grief" in this song is not a fairytale hag, I really don't know what she is. A real woman whose parents actually named her "Grief"?! Well, if that's the case, her parents should have been arrested for child abuse. Lol. Just saying.
Anyway, I am obviously NOT the person who can translate this song with Russian meaning passing into English. But, when all you Russians figure it out, you should footnote the references at least, because, belive me, no English speaker will understand this otherwise.

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:10

I don't think you should cite all English speakers. Some actually study poetry, research info, and search for a meaning.
I agree this is not an easy piece. Definitely, it is not a cute fairytale.

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:15

Lol. True I can't speak for all English speakers. However, being that most Americans don't even know Mark Twain, I'm pretty sure you'll have a hard time finding an American who would understand an obscure Russian poet who was "hanged" who sang to frozen birds. Good luck on that search. Let me know how it turns out. Lol. Wink smile

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:12

I asked my full bloodied English speaking husband and said he does not understand your translation.
He asked what does it mean "improved her craft every morning."

OpalMoon    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:17

"Improved her craft" means she was working on getting better at her craft. But in the song there is no craft, just the queen getting more beautiful every day.

On another note, what did you do to your husband that he's fully bloodied? Poor guy! Wink smile

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:24

Lol. As an anniversary gift, earlier this month, I stopped drinking his blood...so he fully recovered.... Lol.

I meant he is not a foreigner. He understands "improve craft" just not within this translation.
I was semi-nice to cite just one example - he didn't understand much.
Just be clear, he frequently, most frequently feels the same about my translations and poems.

OpalMoon    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:20

The main problem I find with this translation is that there are a lot of lines where the translation JUST misses it. As an example, his songs didn't freeze the birds, but he was singing TO frozen birds. It's little nuances that get lost between the Russian and the English. Although the English is fully understandable, it doesn't completely carry over the meaning.

OpalMoon    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:29

I think yours carries over the meaning better. There are some slight grammar issues there. One thing I would say, though, is that "хорошела" can just be translated as "got more beautiful". "Smarten oneself" implies a conscious effort, while "хорошела" doesn't.

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:29

Yes, I understand. I"ll revise it. Sorry for my typos. It's cold here and I don't have steady hands.

Jadis    Jue, 22/11/2018 - 07:18

Never mind, I agree that there are probably many lines in your translation to be corrected or improved, but anyway you tried and made the whole thing progress a little. We shall overcome !

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:20

"Full blooded" (that extra "i" really makes a difference there). Of course, in my incorrect version I thought she was a hag, so I though that vague Russian line "she got better every morning", meant that she "became a better witch every day" (so she improved her (witch)craft". Apparently, she was sick and just got healthier each day.

OpalMoon    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:22

She wasn't sick. "Хорошела" refers to physical appearance. If she was sick and getting better, она бы поправлялась.

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:31

Got it! I,ll tinker with it when I get home and out of the snow, falling on my head. Lol.

BlackSea4ever    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:36

We will await N, but this poet struggled with the depression and fitting in, he felt at once superior to others and poorly understood, was a heavy drinker so Grief represents all this. I also thought, possibly, last few lines is Grief as Grim Ripper takes the poet away.

Phil Ambro    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:32

Oh! The grim reaper!!! In english thats not a woman! Oh! Ok.

OpalMoon    Mié, 21/11/2018 - 23:34

Well, in Russian we have Смерть с косой. Either way, "горе" in Russian is neuter, so it technically shouldn't be a woman either.

OpalMoon    Jue, 22/11/2018 - 00:01

Honestly, I don't know. The whole song is very allegorical. It's probably just like Mother Nature or Father Time. They needed to personify grief, and so they selected a gender. I'm guessing they made grief an old woman to contrast with the (presumably) young woman in the next verse. But either way, I feel that both women are unhappiness. One just brings it to others and the other brings it to herself.

OpalMoon    Jue, 22/11/2018 - 00:04

Actually, the whole song reads as about unhappiness and bad luck to me. The poet's songs were golden and beautiful, but ended up killing him. The singer wants to fly up to meet the birds, but isn't expecting any good view or company up there. And life is just strange and never works out, as they sing in the last verse.