Пасынок звёзд (traducción al Inglés)

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Пасынок звёзд

От земли имя принять и оставить дом,
До небес ладить костры по седым ручьям,
Ворожить словом грозу и услышать гром,
Да глядеть Солнцу в лицо, как в глаза друзьям.
 
По ночам бредить Луной да перечить сну,
На заре выплеснуть боль алым облакам,
По земле песней лететь от окна к окну
И упасть чёрной звездой к твоим ногам.
 
А к утру выпадет снег и закружит день,
Отпоет вьюга-гроза по сугробам лет,
И из гнёзд пасынка звёзд позовет метель
От земли имя принять да зажечь к весне рассвет.
 
По ночам бредить Луной да перечить сну,
До небес ладить костры по седым ручьям,
По земле песней лететь от окна к окну
Да глянуть Солнцу в лицо, как в глаза друзьям.
 
Да охранит тебя Солнце от мутных зрачков!
Да охранит тебя Солнце от грязного рта!
Да охранит тебя Солнце от чёрных присяг!
Да оделит тебя Солнце глазами любви!
 
Publicado por erika_hermierika_hermi el Dom, 10/05/2015 - 22:01
traducción al InglésInglés
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Stepson of The Stars

From the land to take a name and to leave home,
To build bonfires reaching up to the sky, along grey brooks,
To invoke with words of incantation the storm and to hear the thunder,
And to look the sun in the face, as one looks at friends' eyes.
 
At night to rave with the moon and to thwart sleep,
At dawn to splash out pain onto the scarlet clouds,
Over the earth to fly as a song from window to window
And to fall like a black star at your feet.
 
By morning the snow will fall and the day will spin
The blizzard-thunderstorm will read a burial service over snowdrifts of old,
And from hideouts the storm calls the stepson of the stars
From the land to take a name and to light up the dawn for spring.
 
At night to rave with the moon and to thwart sleep,
To build bonfires reaching up to the sky, along grey brooks,
Over the earth to fly as a song from window to window
And to gaze at the sun directly, as one looks at friends in the eye.
 
May the sun protect you from dark, turbid iris!
May the sun protect you from a foul mouth!
May the sun protect you from black oaths!
May the sun endow you with eyes of love!
 
Publicado por netokornetokor el Mar, 19/12/2017 - 23:49
Editado por última vez por netokornetokor el Jue, 04/01/2018 - 15:19
Comentarios del autor:

After My friend Marinka's approval of the Spanish version, I decided to translate this incredible work also into English, based on the Spanish version. Any thoughts, comments, corrections are very welcome.

Comentarios
St. SolSt. Sol    Lun, 01/01/2018 - 03:54

Very good, Ernesto. Please consider these minor points to improve the translation of the meaning:
и услышать гром == and to hear the thunder
да перечить сну == and to contradict (to argue with) the sleep
выплеснуть боль алым облакам == to throw out (splash out) the pain to the scarlet clouds
песней лететь == to fly as a song
А к утру выпадет снег и закружит день == By the morning the snow will fall and will spin out the day
Отпоет вьюга-гроза по сугробам лет == The thunder-snowstorm will have sung over the snow drifts of years
от чёрных присяг == from black oaths

Regards, St.

netokornetokor    Lun, 01/01/2018 - 03:58

Thanks so much for proof reading, my friend! I will read your suggestions carefully and edit accordingly. Much obliged and Happy New Year! Regular smile

netokornetokor    Mié, 03/01/2018 - 15:51

Done! Thanks again, St. Sol, for taking the time to proof-read. My warmest regards, e. Regular smile

BratBrat    Mié, 03/01/2018 - 16:36

да перечить сну == and to contradict (to argue with) the sleep
If I may, I think 'перечить' is used in its broadest sense here, having in mind the personality of K.Kinchev, so 'countering [the] sleep' would be a better choice (If I translated this text I would use 'sleep' instead, but it's up to the translator).

sandringsandring    Jue, 04/01/2018 - 09:01

Hola, guys! What a wonderful song and an impressive translation! Bravo, Ernesto. May I suggest a few corrections because the song has a mild Slavonic-styled flavour and some words are not what they look on the face of it.
1. Отпоет вьюга-гроза по сугробам лет - It has nothing to do with singing. Отпоет is Future from отпевать = to read a funeral service over...So it's something like The blizzard-thunderstorm will read a burial service over the snowdrifts of years
2. Да оделит тебя Солнце глазами любви! - оделять means to give as a gift So it's something like May the sun endow you with eyes of love
Besides, there are minor things twisting the meaning

1. And to fall like a black star at your feet.
2.By morning the snow will fall and the day will spin

Ernesto, can you make your fires into bonfires personally for me, please? (I'll see a wonderful picture)
As for "contradict sleep" I'd say "defy slumber" or "stand up to sleep"

What I don't like is "dark, turbid pupils" But that's personal and professional, I'm afraid. What about dark, turbid iris for a change?
Aha, that's not important but I like the way it sounds "To exorcise a storm to hear thunder"

All in all, that's a lovely translation, thank you, Ernesto! Regular smile

BratBrat    Mié, 03/01/2018 - 18:50
sandring escreveu:

As for "contradict sleep" I'd say "defy slumber" or "stand up to sleep"

I think it would be too plain. Literally, it should be 'to come athwart sleep' but it's a bit weird. Although the original is weird enough... In Russian we can say a word against smth. or smb. (contra-dict), and a word athwart - here lies the subtlety. Wink smile

netokornetokor    Mié, 03/01/2018 - 19:22

"to come athwart sleep" may be weird, but it's also poetic in my book! Regular smile

netokornetokor    Mié, 03/01/2018 - 18:23

Wow! Thank you friends! I will assimilate these wonderful suggestions. This song has become one of my favorites and all of you have made it a lovely learning experience! Much obliged! Regular smile

netokornetokor    Mié, 03/01/2018 - 19:09

I will look at it, St. Thanks! I may have to bug you for help! Regular smile

netokornetokor    Mié, 03/01/2018 - 19:30

Done! In gratitude for the gracious suggestions I will make sure the Spanish version reflects these insights. I am so excited to have the Spanish and English equivalents to this incredible piece!!!! Happy New Year to all! Regular smile