Mikhail Lermontov - Утёс (traducción al Inglés)

Ruso

Утёс

 
Ночевала тучка золотая
На груди утёса-великана,
Утром в путь она умчалась рано,
По лазури весело играя;
 
Но остался влажный след в морщине
Старого утёса. Одиноко
Он стоит, задумался глубоко,
И тихонько плачет он в пустыне.
 
Publicado por RobinK el Mar, 16/12/2014 - 22:48
Editado por última vez por CherryCrush el Dom, 03/01/2016 - 22:34
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traducción al Inglés

The Cliff (Rhyming)

Versiones: #1#2#3
A golden cloudlet spent a single night
Upon a giant cliff's rough, stony breast;
As soon as morning came, she rose from rest
And capered through the heavens, soft and light;
 
But she had left a moist and silky trace
Inside a crevice of the old cliff. Lonely,
He stands there, sinking into gloom profoundly,
And softly weeps amid the wilderness.
 
Publicado por RobinK el Mar, 16/12/2014 - 22:50
Editado por última vez por RobinK el Mar, 15/03/2016 - 20:47
Comentarios del autor:

© Robin Kallsen

5
Tu puntaje: None Promedio: 5 (1 vote)
Comentarios
100wonders    Sáb, 13/06/2015 - 00:02

Excellent translation Regular smile

The only thing that I would quibble is the use of the rather unmanly verb "to whimper" in relation to a giant cliff. I would suggest replacing it by a more neutral expression (e.g., "to cry softly", as in the original), so the last line would be something like:

And crying softly in the barren wilderness.
or
And crying softly out in the wilderness.

RobinK    Sáb, 13/06/2015 - 16:16

How about

"...Lonely,
He stands there, sinking into gloom profoundly,
[Lamenting] in the barren wilderness" ?

RobinK    Sáb, 13/06/2015 - 16:16

or "....and weeps amid the barren wilderness" ?

100wonders    Mié, 17/06/2015 - 00:06

That's a good version, although I would still prefer something like "and softly weeps amid the wilderness" Regular smile

RobinK    Dom, 12/07/2015 - 22:12

"Softly weeps amid the wilderness" it is!

Alexander Laskavtsev    Mar, 12/01/2016 - 10:23
5

That's amazing! Are you a professional poet?
Where have you learned Russian language?

RobinK    Mar, 12/01/2016 - 18:34

Thanks, what a nice compliment Regular smile I've been working on translating Russian poems after studying Russian in college (University of Washington in Seattle). A professor put me on a project that involved recording Russian actors reciting poems, and I absolutely fell in love with the beauty of the rhymes. I don't write my own poetry, since I've never been any good at it (and writing bad poetry can be really embarrassing), but I enjoy contributing to the art form by trying to put foreign-language poetry that I love into English. I'm always concerned about whether I've represented the poems properly, so it's great to get feedback! Thanks again Regular smile

RobinK    Mar, 12/01/2016 - 21:10

Oh yes, I love this one! And it sure is a challenge -- kind of like translating "The Raven" into Russian! I'll need all the help I can get Regular smile

Alexander Laskavtsev    Mar, 12/01/2016 - 21:20

Then wellcome in PM Wink smile
Poe's "The Raven"? "Nevermore..." - I know a GREAT translation of this one... Wink smile I can publish it here, if your will.

RobinK    Mar, 12/01/2016 - 21:23

Sure, I'd love to read it!

RobinK    Mar, 12/01/2016 - 21:56

Wow, that's impressive! I just realized that the Spanish and Hungarian translations of "Borodino" are also rhyming! I guess such a feat is not impossible after all Regular smile

Alexander Laskavtsev    Mar, 12/01/2016 - 22:16

That's true. Not a thing is impossible! I'm currently working on a Ukrainian translation. And it is really hard... Regular smile