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  • Oleg Grigoryev

    Душа → traducción al Inglés

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Душа

Принимал я больных в кабинете,
Поздно ложился, вставал рано.
Пациенты при ярком свете
Раскрывали свои мне раны.
 
Однажды приходит девица:
— Доктор, я в душу ранена! —
Говорит, и на стол ложится
В зимнее утро раннее.
 
Груди я вскрыл ей скальпелем,
Чтобы душу достать,
Вдруг вскочила на плиты каменные
И стала больная плясать.
 
— Вот так душа человеческая!
Просто прозрачный ребенок.
Будто божок древнегреческий
Без трусов и пеленок.
 
— Все, я поправилась, доктор!
Пытка была хуже ада.
А душу возьмите на опыты.
Не болит и не надо.
 
Так девица сказала,
Оделась и удалилась.
Душа ее затрепетала,
И в руке моей растворилась.
 
Traducción

Soul

I treated patients in the office,
I went to bed late, got up early.
Patients in the bright light
Revealed their wounds to me.
 
One day there comes a maiden:
- Doctor, my soul is wounded! -
She says and lies down on the table
One early winter morning.
 
I cut her breast open with a scalpel
To get to the soul,
Suddenly, she jumps on the stone slab
And starts to dance.
 
- What a human soul!
It’s just a transparent baby,
Like the ancient Greek’s God
Without panties and diapers.
 
- That’s it, doctor, I’m cured!
Torture was worse than hell.
And you can take the soul for experiments.
It doesn’t hurt, so I don’t need it.
 
That’s what the maiden said.
Then she put on her clothes and left.
Her soul started trembling,
And dissipated in my hand.
 
El/la autor/a de esta traducción ha solicitado una revisión.
Esto significa que le alegrará recibir correcciones, sugerencias, etc. sobre la traducción.
Si te manejas bien en ambos idiomas, te invitamos a que dejes tus comentarios.
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Modismos de "Душа"
Comentarios
JadisJadis    Mié, 05/12/2018 - 08:20

Perhaps "dissipated in my hand" instead of "has dissolved" ? (suggesting this under the control of English native locutors).

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Lun, 17/12/2018 - 23:22

Wow! No wonder I have problems translating Russian songs and poetry! They are often so bizarre in English, and at least this one is rather horrific, although I'm sure it's not in Russian. It's so hard to translate a poem such as this, without causing dread in another language. "I cut her breast open with a scalpel to get to her soul"? The visual that an American would see reading this line is nothing less than a nightmare. Is it the same in Russian? Or would a Russian not be horrified reading this? If the line is NOT horrific in Russian, I would strongly suggest smoothing it out in English to something less drastic, although keeping the meaning in tact, maybe something like: "My scalpel cut her breast to reach her soul" (It's more poetic, and less graphic.) But, I understand the wont to keep translations as close to the original as possible. So, perhaps your version is the only way to respectfully and accurately translate this. I do have one question though. Who jumps up from the table and starts dancing? Because, in this translation, the Maiden (she) starts dancing. If it was the soul that jumped up and started dancing, that should be translated as "It started dancing." Because in English souls have no gender. But, because this is Russian, I have no idea whether the Maiden or the soul was dancing, because as an American reading the Russian, it is not clear to me. Lastly, I wonder what this poem means to Russians. Does it mean that Maidens don't need souls? From an American point of view, not having Russian culture to guide me, I have no idea what the meaning of this poem should be. Certainly we all need souls? So, why would excising one be beneficial, especially one that can dance? So, strange. So bizarre. No wonder I am alwasy at a loss with Russian.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 00:26

Omg. You can at least read few articles there are out there about this man. You can also expand your language skills before these tirades. Words and concepts are not limited to what one knows - the ability, no desire to understand what another person says is the key to translating.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 04:51

So you cannot tell me who was dancing either? The maiden or the soul?

JadisJadis    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 07:18

I understand it's the girl. She jumps off the table and starts dancing because she feels that she's cured. The soul remains, before dissipating. I also raised an eyebrow about the scalpel and all that, but I guess the doctor had to open the girl's breast one way or another to free the soul, and a can-opener would probably be of less use... :)

JadisJadis    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 07:21

And by the way, the general meaning, as I understand it, is that the best way to get rid of soul suffering is to get rid of your soul. It's both ironic and poetic (especially in the description of the soul as a small and naked Greek god).

sandringsandring    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 08:00

I agree with Jadis. The main point of this ironic song is that life comes easier to those who don't have a soul to suffer. But the irony itself comes with a special stylistic device called "Split-up metaphor" when a set or idiomatic expression is not treated as such but as a common phrase. Ex: She undressed to reveal her bare soul. He found himself in a vice that griped his soul (double pun). So the whole song is playing around Russian idiomatic, metaphoric expressions like Раненная душа, быть раненным в душу, вынуть душу из кого-нибудь, душа растворилась, душа болит. They are presented in their initial pre-metaphoric image which gives such a quaint effect. :)

sandringsandring    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 08:07

Masha's translation is OK, but if one wants the same effect they must use the same stylistic approach. There's nothing untranslatable under the sun :)

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 16:16

To translate poetry poetically in another language, especially from a Slavic language (Russian) into a Germanic one (English) is no simple task. It would take a person truly versed in both languages and cultures to do so. It's a bit much to ask of volunteers on such a site at this. The translation is good, but it does lack poetic style in English.

St. SolSt. Sol    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 16:24

Most of my output on LT is equirhythmic poetic singable RU-EN and EN-RU translations, but since almost nobody appreciates it or even cares to see it for what it is, I mostly abandoned these futile exercises.

JadisJadis    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 16:45

I do care about equirhythmic translations, I even think that (in case of rhythmed lyrics of course) it's fundamental. Rhyming in addition is quite difficult, and one often has to stay rather far away from the original.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 17:19

NO! Do NOT abandon what inspires you! Your attempts are NOT futile. Your translation was nice! I was simply saying that it's not possible to translate the same style of poetry that exists in Russian into a style of English poetry. Sorry if you misunderstood.

St. SolSt. Sol    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 19:44

Perhaps you were talking about Maria's translation. I could have done this piece equirhythmically but most likely I won't. Equirhythmic rhyming translations preserving the full meaning and introducing minimum poetic liberties are the ultimate challenge, but life is too short to waste it on pointless mental exercises. Regards.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Mar, 18/12/2018 - 21:38

Once again, if you enjoy it. It's no pointless. Don't let the seeming lack of interest on the behalf of others divert YOU from doing what pleases you. That's what I was saying, to everyone. :)

IgeethecatIgeethecat
   Mié, 19/12/2018 - 07:23

Thanks to all of you guys for the comments and sharing your thoughts. Sorry, I am responding too late - this last week before Christmas is crazy :)
I love all your comments and opinions.

And Phil, in the original, he basically “dissected her breasts (plural) with a {oh, dear, yeah} scalpel”, not a hunting knife. It sounds sorta horrifying, I guess, in Russian too, but I seriously don’t see any horror here, just irony...
And about “who’s dancing” - it’s kinda obvious to me (at least) - in Russian version, it’s ‘the patient’ (the girl, or who else?), but ‘the patient’ sounds muscular to my Russian ear, so I choose ‘she’, ‘cause the soul would be “it”, or I am missing something here?

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Mié, 19/12/2018 - 18:31

I was just confused because in Russian both the woman and the soul would be "she". So being that the soul appeared as a baby, it seemed to me that the soul jumped up and started dancing. After all, it hadn't just been cut open by a scalpel, unlike the woman. So, it just seemed strange that a woman who just had her breast cut open would jump up and start dancing. I was kinda hoping that it was the soul. Like most Russian lyrics, I over think them, and still end up wrong in the end anyway. As for "breast" or "breasts", singular is fine really. I mean did the doctor really have to cut both of them? I hope not. ;/

BratBrat    Mié, 19/12/2018 - 18:39
Phil Ambro wrote:

I was just confused because in Russian both the woman and the soul would be "she". So being that the soul appeared as a baby, it seemed to me that the soul jumped up and started dancing. After all, it hadn't just been cut open by a scalpel, unlike the woman. So, it just seemed strange that a woman who just had her breast cut open would jump up and start dancing. I was kinda hoping that it was the soul.

Look, there's said "И стала больная плясать", "больная" is a noun here, meaning "the patient" (as you see, it could be both noun and adjective, as well as "patient" in English. ;)

Phil Ambro wrote:

Like most Russian lyrics, I over think them, and still end up wrong in the end anyway. As for "breast" or "breasts", singular is fine really. I mean did the doctor really have to cut both of them? I hope not. ;/

Груди is a metonymy here, used for the sake of rhythm, mainly.