Tamozhennyj blyuz (Таможенный Блюз) (traducción al Inglés)

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Tamozhennyj blyuz (Таможенный Блюз)

Я родился в таможне,
Когда я выпал на пол.
Мой отец был торговец,
Другой отец - Интерпол;
Третий отец - Дзержинский,
Четвертый отец - кокаин;
С тех пор, как они в Мавзолее, мама,
Я остался совсем один.
 
У меня есть две фазы, мама,
Я - чистый бухарский эмир.
Когда я трезв, я - Муму и Герасим, мама;
А так я - Война и Мир.
 
Я удолбан весь день,
Уже лет двенадцать подряд.
Не дышите, когда я вхожу:
Я - наркотический яд.
Мое сердце из масти,
Кровь - диэтиламид;
Не надо смотреть на меня,
Потому что иначе ты вымрешь, как вид -
 
У меня есть две фазы, мама,
Я чистый бухарский эмир.
Когда я трезв, я - Муму и Герасим, мама;
А так я - Война и Мир.
 
На юге есть бешеный кактус,
На севере - тундра с тайгой;
И там, и сям есть шаманы, мама,
Я тоже шаман, но другой -
Я не выхожу из астрала,
А выйду - так пью вино;
Есть много высоких материй, мама,
Но я их свожу в одно.
 
У меня есть две фазы, мама,
Моя родина - русский эфир;
Когда я трезв, я - Муму и Герасим, мама,
А так я - Война и Мир.
 
Publicado por St. SolSt. Sol el Vie, 09/12/2016 - 23:19
Editado por última vez por crimson_anticscrimson_antics el Mar, 30/05/2017 - 06:22
Comentarios del uploader:

The complete lyrics and now attributed to Aquarium

traducción al Inglés (metered, rhyming)
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Customs Blues

Versiones: #1#2
I was born at the Customs,
When I fall out on floor.
My dad was a dealer,
Another dad – Interpol;
Third dad - Dzerzhinsky1,
Fourth dad – cocaine;
Since they in the Mausoleum, mama,
I left all by myself again.
 
I have two phases, mama,
I’m drunk as a King of Greece2.
When I’m sober, I’m mute as Gerasim3, mama;
For now, I’m War and Peace.
 
I’m stoned whole day,
Twelve years feeling this tug.
Don’t breath when I'm entering:
I’m the poisonous drug.
My heart is a suit of cards,
Blood - diethylamide4;
Don't keep staring at me,
Or your species will die out indeed.
 
I have two phases, mama,
I’m drunk as a King of Greece.
When I’m sober, I’m mute as Gerasim, mama;
For now, I’m War and Peace.
 
On South there is rabid cactus,
Taiga and tundra on North;
Both have shamans, mama,
But I’m shaman by birth –
I always stay inside astral,
When out – I’m on booze;
There are many high substances to hassle,
So I group them in noose.
 
I have two phases, mama,
My homeland - ether of streets;
When I’m sober, I’m mute as Gerasim, mama;
For now, I’m War and Peace.
 
© Uncommon
Critique is always welcomed (proof-read or not, negative too).
Publicado por UncommonUncommon el Jue, 21/03/2019 - 18:31
Editado por última vez por UncommonUncommon el Mar, 26/03/2019 - 05:03
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Comentarios
BratBrat    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 15:08

Я - чистый бухарский эмир - > maybe I'm the Duke of Tipperary (a county in Ireland, which name resembles "tipple rarely", having in mind the fact that бухарский эмир = бухарик)
Война и Мир requires a footnote popinting to Lev Nikolayevich, doesn't it?
My heart is suit of cards, -> My heart is that of the cards' suit,
rabid cactus -> in fact, a cactus cannot be rabid, this word applies only to those who can behave themselves. Maybe, "wild" or "crazy" (I believe, it's hinting to tequila)
I’m drinking the wine -> is that a certain wine which he drinks? Otherwise you'd better omit the article.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 15:31

Agave is not a cactus, it’s a succulent, but there is a peyote cactus, which is known for its psychoactive properties Wink smile Cheers!

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 16:40

Thank you guys.

All are very interesting thoughts.
1) I don't think LT users need a footnote on W&P, but thank you.
2) cards - i will play with this line(s) a bit longer, but I;m trying to keep lines singable
3) Anything could be rabid in BG lyrics =). And of course, it's another nod to peyote and Don Juan theme
4) wine - you might be right. My rhyme selection is pretty weak one, so it could be reworked. I was thinking of "booze" there.
5) бухарский эмир - i somehow missed this slang, thank you for pointing out, will have to add footnote. There are very few rhymes with "peace" to keep same rhythm and meaning.

Corrected few lines as a result.

BratBrat    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 17:10

I'm Brahms and Liszt then... Teeth smile
Instead of the boozy emir, I mean.

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 17:16

I changed to "drunk as King of Greece", hopefully with footnote It will not be offending to Greeks and will bring associations of ancient times, Greek wine vessels, etc.

BratBrat    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 17:59

Unfortunately, Greece isn't associated with booze as precisely as Bukhara. Though I heard a couple of times that somebody got "greased" on their booze. Regular smile

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 18:14

Hmm. Muslim Bukhara ain't a drinking capitol of the world either Wink smile
Greased - not bad, although it is not the first meaning of this slang on urban dictionary. I was hopping of "drunk as a King", without much ascent on Greece. I'll let is soak for sometime and will go for another round of thinking tomorrow.

BratBrat    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 18:43

Well, if it was hunger or hangover, Hungary would probably hit to the spot. Teeth smile

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 23:16

fyi: hungover rhymes with Hanover.

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 16:36

Another ?:
2nd version of translation of following line:
Потому что иначе ты вымрешь, как вид -
"Or your species will disappear indeed."
Which one rhymes better with diethylamide? (it could be pronounced as diethylamEEd)

vevvevvevvev    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 18:03

Может так "Since they in Mausoleum, mama, I left by myself again" - "I have been completely alone, mama, since they are in the Mausoleum". Рифма с "cocaine" менее сильная, зато перевод более точный. Не настаиваю )))

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 18:21

Thanks, but it is the only strong rhyme in this paragraph, have to keep it.

BratBrat    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 18:41

The rhyme is good, but the syllables count does not match the original (your translation needs one more to match it).

vevvevvevvev    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 18:46

Перед Mausoleum можно определенный артикль поставить.

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 18:52

Thanks for proofreading, guys.
What about this one - it's from my yesterday's version:
"...Blood - diethylamide;
Don’t keep staring at me,
Or your species will be extinct."
I don't pursue syllable count, but this version now seems better.

vevvevvevvev    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 19:50

As an option:
"And you will die out as species
If you'll continue to look fixedly at me"
I don't insist )))

UncommonUncommon    Vie, 22/03/2019 - 20:11

Folks,
Thank you for you time, opinions and suggestions. It was very useful and brought a number of changes.