Rudy Ray Moore - The signifying monkey
The signifying monkey
Way down in the jungle deep
The badass lion stepped on the signifying monkey's feet
The monkey said, "Muthafucka, can't you see?
Why, you standing on my goddamned feet."
The lion said, "I ain't heard a word you said."
Said, "If you say three more I'll be steppin’ on your muthafuckin’ head!"
Now the monkey lived in the jungle in an old oak tree
Bullshitting the lion every day of the week
Well every day before the sun go down
The lion would kick his ass all through the jungle town
But the monkey got wise and started using his wit
Said, "I'm going to put a stop to this ol’ ass kicking shit!"
So he ran up on the lion the very next day
Said, "Oh Mr. Lion there's a big, bad muthafucka coming your way
And when you meet, it's gonna be a goddamn scene
And wherever you meet some ass is bound to bend."
Said, "he's somebody that you don't know
He just broke loose from Ringling Brothers’ show."
Said, "Baby, he talked about your people in a helluva way
He talked about your people ‘til my hair turned gray
He said your daddy's a freak and your momma's a whore
Said he spotted you running through the jungle selling asshole from door to door!
Said your sister did the damndest trick
She got down so low and sucked an earthworm's dick
He said he spotted your niece behind the tree
Screwing a muthafuckin flea
He said he saw your aunt sitting on the fence
Giving a goddamn zebra a French
Then he talked about your mammy and your sister Lou
Then he started talking ‘bout how good your grandma screw
Said your sister's a prostitute and your brother's a punk
And said I'll be damned if you don't eat all the pussy you see every time you get drunk
He said he cornholed your uncle and fucked your aunty and your niece
And next time he see your grandma he gonna get him another good piece
He said your brother died with the whooping cough
And your uncle died with the measles
And your old grandpa died with a rag chunked up in his ass
Said he was going on home to Jesus
And you know your little sister that you love so dear
I fucked her all day for a bottle of beer
So Mr. Lion, you know that ain't right
So whenever you meet the elephant be ready to fight
So the lion jumped up in a helluva rage
Like a young cocksucker full of gage
He let out a roar,
Tail shot back like a .44
He went through the jungle knocking down trees
Kicking giraffes to their knees
Then he ran up on the elephant talking to the swine
Said, "All right you big, bad muthafucka, it's gonna be your ass or mine!"
The elephant looked at him outta the corner of his eye
Said, "Alright go ahead home you little funny-bunny muthafucka and pick on somebody your own size.”
The lion jumped up and made a fancy pass
The elephant side-stepped him and kicked him dead in his ass
He busted up his jaw, fucked up his face
Broke all four legs, snatched his ass outta place
He picked him up, slammed him to the tree
Nothin’ but lion shit as far as you could see
He pulled out his nuts, rolled ‘em in the sand
And kicked his ass like a natural man
They fought all that night and all the next day
Somehow the lion managed to get away
But he drug his ass back to the jungle more dead than alive
Just to run into that little monkey with some more of his signifying jive
The monkey looked at ‘em and said, "Goddamn! Ol’ partner You don't look so swell."
Said, "Look like to me you caught a whole lotta hell."
Said, "Your eyes is all red and your asshole is blue
I knew in the beginning it wasn't shit to you
There's one thing you and me gotta get straight
Cause you one ugly cocksucker I sho’ do hate!”
“Now when you left, the jungle rung
Now you bring your dog ass back here damn near hung
Look muthafucka, ain't you a bitch
Your face look like you got the Seven Year Itch
I told my wife before you left
I should kicked your ass my muthafuckin’ self!”
“Why I seen when he threw you into that tree
Cause some of that ol’ lion shit got on me
Why every night when me and my wife is trying to get a little bit
Here you come ‘round here with some that old ‘Aiee-yo’ shit
Shut up! Don't you roar!
Cause I'll bail outta this tree and whoop your dog-ass some more!”
“And don't look up here with your sucka-paw case
Cause I'll piss through the bark of this tree in your muthafuckin’ face!”
The little monkey got happy, started to jump up and down
His feet missed the limb and his ass hit the ground
Like a streak of lighting and a ball of white heat
That lion was on his ass with all four feet
Dust rolled and tears came into the little monkey's eyes
The little monkey said, "Look Mr. Lion, I apologize!"
Said, "If you let me get my nuts out the sand
Why I'll fight your ass like a natural man
Look muthafucka, ain't you a bitch, you ain't raising no hell
Cause everybody saw you jump on me after I slipped and fell.”
Said, "If you'll fight like men should
I'd whoop yo’ ass all over these woods!"
This made the lion mad!
It was the boldest challenge he ever had
He squared off for the fight
But that little monkey jumped damn near outta sight
Landed way up in a banana tree and began to grin
Sayin’, "Look here you big, bad muthafucka, you been bullshitted again!”
Said, “Why, I'll take me one of these bananas
And whoop on your ass ‘til it sings the Star-Spangled Banner!"
And said, "Now if you ever mess with me again
I'm gonna send you back to my elephant friend!"
Said, "The things I told you will never part
But what I'm gonna tell you now is gonna break your muthafuckin’ heart!"
Said, “Your mammy ain't no good and your sister's been a whore."
Said, "I had that bitch on the corner for a year or more!"
But the lion looked up with a helluva frown
Roared so loud that little monkey fell back to the ground
The little monkey looked up and said "Please, Mr. Lion!
Please don't take my life ‘cause I got 13 kids and a very sickly wife!"
Said, "All my money to you I'll give
Mr. Lion, please just let me live!"
But the lion kicked him in his ass and broke his neck
Left that little monkey in a helluva wreck
The monkey looked up to the sky with tears in his eyes
Nothin’ he could see or nothing he could hear
He knew that that was the end
Of his bulllshittin’ and signifyin’ career
Colecciones con "The signifying ..."
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