Lucyna Khvorost - Romans pro mynule (Романс про минуле) (traduction en anglais)

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Romans pro mynule (Романс про минуле)

І минуле окриється тінню земною:
Це було не зі мною, було не зі мною...
Водевільні сюжети і драми дешеві,
І амурові стріли, і їхні мішені...
Мій учинок, що серце троюдить докором;
Люта заздрість моя, за яку мені сором;
Тайні язви ганьби, опоганене ложе...
Ні, цього не було,
Ні, цього не було,
Та і бути не може.
 
Нас жага споминання ошукує тонко:
Там, в минулім, не ми, лиш пусті оболонки...
Випадкові одбитки, линовища збляклі,
Театральні костюми з оджилих спектаклів...
Хто себе розгубив – той шукай де спромога,
Та лише не в минулім, не в ньому, на бога...
Що минає – лишім йому мирно минути:
Слався, часе, за те,
Слався, часе, за те,
Що тебе не вернути.
 
Publié par Green_Sattva le Jeu, 02/02/2017 - 07:04
Modifié pour la dernière fois par Green_Sattva le Mer, 20/06/2018 - 16:00
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traduction en anglais

A Romance About The Past

And the past will be covered by the shadow of the Earth:
It's not to me that was happening, It's not to me...
The vaudeville scenes and the cheap dramas,
And Cupid’s arrows, and all their targets...
My deed, that torments my heart with reproach;
My evil envy, for which I am ashamed;
The secret sores of disgrace, the desecrated bed...
No, that never happened
No, that never happened,
And that could never happen.
 
The thirst for memories plays tricks on us delicately:
In the past, it's not us, it's just empty shells...
Random imprints, faded husks,
Theatrical costumes from the obsolete performances...
Those who are lost - let them look for themselves where they can,
But only not in the past, not there, for God's sake...
What has passed - let it pass peacefully:
Hail you Time,
Hail you Time,
For you can't be wound back.
 
Please don't hesitate to correct me, especially if the translation language is your native language.
With Best Regards,
© Alexander Laskavtsev
Publié par Alexander Laskavtsev le Mer, 20/06/2018 - 15:19
Ajouté en réponse à la demande de Green_Sattva
Commentaires
Igeethecat    Mer, 20/06/2018 - 16:31

mischiefs - mischief is a noun, mischieve is a verb, but I don’t think it means the same as ошукати. If understand it right, it should be something like ‘deceive’, ‘trick’, ‘delude’

Brat    Mer, 20/06/2018 - 16:50

Actually it means to hoodwink, if only I remember Ukrainian well...

Brat    Mer, 20/06/2018 - 16:55

Now you do. Wink smile It's a good one. Regular smile

petit élève    Mer, 20/06/2018 - 22:23

Another of Brother's peculiar words.
I'm not saying it wouldn't fit there, but I would rather use it to talk about politicians or con men Regular smile

petit élève    Mer, 20/06/2018 - 22:45

Another batch then:

That was happening not to me -> That's a bit strange. "That was not happening to me" or "It's not to me that was happening" or "I never experienced this" or something?

And the Cupid’s arrows -> no article there

The secret soars of disgrace -> as far as I know, "soar" is not a noun.
I rather understand the original as "suppressed shame" or something, but it's just a wild guess.

"hoodwink" does not go well with "delicately", I think. "plays subtle tricks on us" or something?

are not us, it's just the empty shells... -> it's not us, just empty shells

The random imprints, the faded moults, -> "random/blurred figures, faded outlines" ? At any rate, no articles, including in the next line Regular smile

they're able -> they can

What has passed - let it pass peacefully -> "Let the past pass away in peace" or something?

Hail you Time, for you can't be returned. -> this Slavic way of talking to concepts sounds a bit odd here.
"Thank goodness, time can't be wound back" or something like that?

Igeethecat    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 02:19

Alex meant sores, not soars

There, in the past, are not us, it's just the empty shells = In the past, there are not us, just empty shells (something like this)
And shell here means cast, sheath, skin, not a sea shell Regular smile

petit élève    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 01:49

oops sorry

I'm not sure that works very well in English, but @Gavin might prove me wrong.

Igeethecat    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 02:38

The other thing about the past
What has passed - let it pass peacefully

It is almost word to word translation meaning something like ‘let’s allow things, that had happened in the pass, go (away) peacefully’ ( don’t think or regret about the past). This is how I understand it, I might be wrong Regular smile

Igeethecat    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 02:36

The last one - they are praising Time because/(for the fact that) they cannot wind it back (take back). I don’t how to make this sound like a command in English. Time is the main word, not goodness, if you know what I mean.

And, Ukrainian natives, if misunderstood something in the original meaning, please correct me.

petit élève    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 02:39

I think I get the idea, but sometimes this way of speaking to things just sounds odd.

Igeethecat    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 02:41

Oh well, Ukrainians don’t have Russian soul, but they speak the same way Regular smile

petit élève    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 02:43

I hope for my 60M or so fellow citizens that they don't share the same soul with me.

Igeethecat    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 07:19

He is talking about French, not Ukrainians Regular smile

Alexander Laskavtsev    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 08:05

Нет, я понял, просто у меня возникло подозрение, что Пьер сам себя недолюбливает...

Gavin    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 08:18

You've all been busy! Regular smile
It all seems to read very well to me now - unless there's any line in particular that anyone's still unsure about?

Alexander Laskavtsev    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 08:29

What do you think about the "moults"? Do you understand the meaning? (If you don't, please read the last comments)

Gavin    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 08:33

I do - although it's maybe not a very well known word.
We mean the cast off shell/exoskeleton yes? Like a spider leaves behind when it grows.

"Moults" is the correct word but "husks" might be more immediately recognisable.

Alexander Laskavtsev    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 06:11
petit élève wrote:

"hoodwink" does not go well with "delicately", I think. "plays subtle tricks on us" or something?

What goes well with "hoodwink" then? I want to leave this word, for it fits the best here.

petit élève wrote:

What has passed - let it pass peacefully -> "Let the past pass away in peace" or something?

Hail you Time, for you can't be returned. -> this Slavic way of talking to concepts sounds a bit odd here.
"Thank goodness, time can't be wound back" or something like that?

I gonna leave the Slavic way of talking to concepts, even if it sounds strange. For example, Arabic or Turkish way of talking is also very strange, but it makes an unique style in translations. Wink smile

Alexander Laskavtsev    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 06:22

I've read them and made some corrections. How do they call the skin, left by a snake after moulting? (the word for "ліновища")

Igeethecat    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 06:32

Трудно объяснить иностранцу что такое оболонки Regular smile ваш перевод они могут понять как ракушки Wink smile

And about that fancy ‘hoodwink’, I completely agree with Pierre, in such a beautiful Ukrainian song, it is not acceptable

Alexander Laskavtsev    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 06:40

Let it be - actually the word "ракушки" provides the same meaning (especially if it is empty) Wink smile

But I was asking about "ліновища" Regular smile

Well, OK, if you insist...

Green_Sattva    Jeu, 21/06/2018 - 07:23

Я то же самое собиралась сказать.
Ничего другого в голову не приходит.