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LT → russe → Evgeny Martynov → Лебединая верность → anglais
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Лебединая верность

Над землей летели лебеди
солнечным днём.
Было им светло и радостно
в небе вдвоём!..
И земля казалась ласковой
им в этот миг..,
Вдруг по птицам кто-то выстрелил --
и вырвался крик!
 
Что с тобой, моя любимая?!
Отзовись скорей!
Без любви твоей –
небо всё грустней…
Где же ты, моя любимая?!
Возвратись скорей!
Красотой своею нежной –
сердце мне согрей.
 
В небесах искал подругу он,
звал из гнезда.
Но молчанием ответила
птице -- беда...
Улететь в края счастливые (далёкие)*
лебедь не мог:
Потеряв подругу верную, –
он стал одинок!
 
Ты прости меня, любимая, --
за чужое зло!
Что моё крыло –
счастья не спасло!..
Ты прости меня, любимая,
что весенним днём --
В небе голубом, как прежде, --
нам не быть вдвоём…
 
И была непоправимою
эта беда..,
Что с подругою (любимою)* не встретится
он никогда!..
Лебедь вновь поднялся к облаку..,
песню прервал…
И сложив бесстрашно крылия, --
на землю упал..!
…
 
Я хочу, чтоб жили лебеди,
и от белых стай…
И от белых стай –
Мир добрее стал...
Пусть летят по небу лебеди
над землёй моей!
Над судьбой моей – летите!.. --
В светлый мир… людей!
 
Traduction

Swan Faithfulness

There were two swans soaring in the sky
On a bright day.
It was full of light and happiness,
Their common way.
And the earth had spread endearingly,
Kind, all in all…
At that moment someone shot at them
And out came a call!
 
What's up, darling, what is wrong with you?
Give me a reply!
Sullen is the sky
For you’re out of sight…
Where are you, beloved? Show up, don't hide!
Please, come back to me!
Let your tender shining beauty
Light my heart with glee.
 
He was tryin’ to find her in the sky,
Called from the nest.
Silence was the only true reply
He’d get, at best…
Flying further was impossible
For the poor swan:
Having lost the ever-loving mate
He’s got left alone!
 
Please, forgive me, darling; please, forgive!
For the evil shot
That I couldn’t have stopped
This ignoble onslaught
Please, forgive me, darling; please, forgive!
For now we can’t fly
Like we used to fly together
In the deep blue sky…
 
And it was so irremediable,
This kind of sore.
He would never meet his mate again,
Never, no more!
And the swan went once again aloft,
Ceased singing song…
Having folded fearlessly his wings,
Down fell the swan!
...
 
I just want the swans to live on earth,
So that these white flights…
So that these white flights
Give the world kind tides…
Let the swans go flyin’ above my land,
With their wings unfurled!
Swan flights, fly above my own fate,
To the humane world!
 
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Aidez à traduire « Лебединая верность »
russe → italien Юлия Мочалова
Evgeny Martynov: Top 3
1.Лебединая верность (Lebyedinaya vernost')
2.Яблони в цвету (Yabloni v tsvetu)
3.Отчий дом (Otchiy Dom)
Commentaires
BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:35

No way you can use "sweety-pie" in this context - I don't care about the rhymes...
What of:
Please, forgive me, oh my sweetie-pie --
Please forgive me, beloved, he would cry

BratBrat
   Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:32

Well, I'm neither a swan, nor Dementyev, so what word would you prefer in tne context?

BratBrat
   Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:38

Pardon me, beloved, the swan would cry?

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 02:46

Can someone explain why the male swan is apologizing to his missing mate? It's not like the male swan shot her. I'm a little confused.

Waran4ikWaran4ik    Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:31

Лебеди и сладкий пирог... диссонанс ))

BratBrat
   Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:34

In truth, swans are usually hissing like "fff*ck"... ;)

Waran4ikWaran4ik    Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:37

Swan liver is very tasty ;)

BratBrat
   Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:39

Swan meat is so coarse... I don't get killing a swan just for liver...

BratBrat
   Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:47

"Beloved" is nevertheless a trite word. I don't like it much. From now on I'll be pondering upon what I can do in this regard.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 02:47

When in doubt, I use "darling", it's the least mundane of our trite diminutives.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Dim, 20/10/2019 - 18:52

Bro, sweetly-pie, are you using ‘ironic’ license here?
You got my ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

BratBrat
   Lun, 21/10/2019 - 01:49

Still pondering on how a typical American swan would behave in such a situation...

- Honey, what's up? What's wrong with you?
- Honey, where are you? Tell me, honey!
- Fork in it, I can't see you! Honey, don't you hide, show up!

Sounds pretty like some crappy Holey Would movie...

Maybe [@Phil Ambro] could enlighten us on swans' beloved nicknames in the States...

silencedsilenced    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 01:53

You actually managed to have me laughing out loud in front of my computer.
I hope I didn't wake up the neighbours. That would be on you, you naughty boy.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 02:30

Uh, I don't know much about "swans", chickens as you know are a different story. I do know a little about "geese" and they're horrible creatures! Somehow, I think they're the same as a swan, but I'm not sure. Still, I think that most Americans know how horrible geese are. "Swans", however, are used in poetry to give a better reputation to geese than they deserve. We have a children's story called "The Ugly Duckling" - which later turns out to be a beautiful "swan". So, to answer your question, in poetry, "swans" in American folklore are beautiful, graceful creatures, that just happen to be disgusting, annoying geese.
As for what a goose or duck might call its mate in English, I would say that they probably would just honk, snort and hiss at her.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help there, but in America, unlike Russia, our swans don't talk.
One last thing...the greatest shortcoming of geese isn't their malevolent behavior, but instead it's the fact that they shit everywhere, even when they're flying. I imagine that the only thing worse in poetry than a pooping flying "swan" would be one of those flying baby "cherubs" with colora.

silencedsilenced    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 02:34

With such unfathomable cultural chasms between Russia and the US, it's a real miracle the surface of the earth has not yet been turned into glowing molten glass by ten thousand atomic warheads.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 02:49

So, Pierre, you determined there is a chasm based on the Gospel According to Phil?
As an American and Russian and Ukrainian and Italian, I can assure you that the most malevolent and shittiest creatures - are people. And they have no borders polluting and killing all over the world.
But, I still think there are the beautiful swan-like humans that possess the grace and desire to make a better world. They use words...for love not hate, they forgive, they bare their soul to those who can listen and hear.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 06:50

I don't do Gospels, but I do believe there was a Gospel According to Phillip. It wasn't canonized into the Bible, however. Probably because most Philip's I know are utter douchbags. LOL Nevertheless, the song is about Swans being shot by someone as they fly overhead, or am I missing something deeper here? It wouldn't be the first time that a Russian poem had meanings that flew right over my head. Throw me a bone here plz. What's up with this Swan song. :?

silencedsilenced    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 06:58

I can only throw you a Russian-flavoured French bone, but as far as I know, it's just about a swan losing its mate to some idiot with a rifle.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 07:06

Yeah, that's my American view too, but I'm sure there's so much more to this song than that! Cruelty of the human being, destruction of nature, how quickly we can be eternally separated from the one we love, etc. Who knows? As they said, when I was a kid "Oranges, smoranges, who says nothing rhymes with oranges?"

silencedsilenced    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 07:16

There is a statement about inhumane humanity at the end, but that was only to be expected.
It's a pretty straightforward song, really. The only thing is, Russian is way better at conveying such emotional stories.
Hence Brat's hilarious remark.

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 02:39

Seriously, "sweetie pie" is funny. Trying my best, thinking of children's stories, I would say,
- Honey, what's up? What's wrong with you? > What happened to you my love?
- Honey, where are you? Tell me, honey! > Darling, where have you gone?
- Fork in it, I can't see you! Honey, don't you hide, show up! > You've slipped from my sight. Don't continue to hide.
Some shit like that.
Keep it clean, kids read this stuff! :)

BratBrat
   Lun, 21/10/2019 - 17:47

Let's count then what we've got by now:
1. A non-trite (from a woman's perspective) "beloved"
2. A well-balanced "darling"
3. A rather unconventional "my love" :)
Well, rather a huge lot of variants to work on... :D

BratBrat
   Lun, 21/10/2019 - 17:59

And what about "my dearest one"? Could a swan say so?
Though according to Phil, swans are flying swines, but I still wonder what if...

silencedsilenced    Mar, 22/10/2019 - 04:25

I think a swan would rather go "cluck... cluck cackle cluck quaAAck!", but a simple "my love" might do for a US dubbing.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Lun, 21/10/2019 - 19:53

A swain could. Swan? Maybe, when he is hissing...
I already told you that I like beloved, but you don't. Darling is next.
Or what Pierre said.

BratBrat
   Mar, 22/10/2019 - 18:13

Well, I've just modified it a bit using your suggestions.
Hope both of you are satisfied... :)

silencedsilenced    Mar, 22/10/2019 - 18:21

Quack cluck quack

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    Mer, 23/10/2019 - 19:11

Having thought long and hard about this perplexing question (although I don't know why), I have come up with what I think it the ultimate in a diminutive name that a male swan would call his mate! In English we often use foods as diminutives, I think this is brilliant, if I do say so myself.
Drumroll please! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. OK, here it is, without further ado, the answer is that the male swan would call his female mate: "My little chicken pot pie."
If that's not acceptable, then you could just use an archaic saying once made popular by W.C. Fields, which is "my little chickadee."

BratBrat
   Jeu, 24/10/2019 - 01:29

Although ''my little chicken pot pie'' looks somewhat angular regarding the rhythm, ''chickadee'' is nevertheless perfect. I'll try to find a place for it in the translation.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Jeu, 24/10/2019 - 02:07

Can I have a look at the earlier version, where just one word seemed off?
At this point, I'm taking thanks back and I'm not usually an Indian giver.
🤕

BratBrat
   Jeu, 24/10/2019 - 03:33

What version are you talking about? I just changed that ''sweetie-pie'' to ''beloved'' and ''darling'' - if you're about the translation...

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