Hey friend , how's it goin?! Hope all is fine and in good health in these times .. @Sergei Kolesov A very nice adaptation, only some minor tweaks to be done in the paragraph no 5 .. These are due to the fact that the song is speakin' about a love that once been , and that left some memories , and lived; up still in the head of the personb whom had that ..
Considered that the song si sang by a women .. i'd fisrtly adapt it from tha perspective of hers speakin to the male which lived that loved once ..
so the par no 5 would be like this for me

She carresed you once, and such a fire littened 'twas in your heart
In your eyes even now, i can still see such a longing
In Them such longing ya're bearin'
For the lovely story lived once

In paragr no 6th L 1 and 3 Maybe consider to do it like - Raindrops, and a shining light (the word vapaie it can also have the figurative meaning of a bright light ... here it fits more because it is an compliment for this beloved person .. described through the eyes of the other .. and of course it shows teh link with the very next line in which a compliment for the lovely eyes is done )
Anyway .. these are the only changes i 'd do .. the translation is really good Keep them up