Звезда (Zvezda) (अंग्रेज़ी में अनुवाद)

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अंग्रेज़ी में अनुवादअंग्रेज़ी (equirhythmic, rhyming)
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The Star

संस्करण: #1#2
Howling wolves and barking dogs,
Fist clenched tight until fingers hurt,
Blood in the veins throbs like a bird,
Faith and Hope and Love on the Earth.
Scores of bare hands are voting like one,
Flying high's our flag.
Deep dark-blue sky and the circle of sun,
All in place yet the life hit a snag.
 
Star in the sky above us shines bright,
No one but her can help us in this fight,
When darkness falls on the Earth at night,
Night.
 
Night arrived, then storm came around,
Somber rain, and jester the wind.
Hands in the pockets, eyes are down,
And the tongues behind teeth.
My silent longing still gnaws at me,
She's the faithful soulmate of mine.
Go on a bat, drink, dance and sing,
I'm with you for now.
 
Star in the sky above us shines bright,
No one but her can help us in this fight,
When darkness falls on the Earth at night,
Night.
 
Star in the sky above us shines bright,
No one but her can help us in this fight,
When darkness falls on the Earth at night,
Night.
 
© St.Sol @ LT: all rights reserved.
St. SolSt. Sol द्वारा मंगल, 06/12/2016 - 17:32 को जमा किया गया
आख़िरी बार शुक्र, 22/02/2019 - 14:03 को St. SolSt. Sol द्वारा संपादित
लेखक के कमेन्ट:

[ER-p] Equirhythmic translation for singing along.

Звезда (Zvezda)

कमेन्ट
Pinchus ZelenogorskyPinchus Zelenogorsky    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 02:04

Отлично! А почему звезда девочка в переводе?
fight здесь, мне кажется, не самое подходящее слово. Понимаю, что рифму непросто подобрать. No one but her light?

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 02:21

Maybe use of gender can be footnoted, but it was perfectly personified, IMHO, for both star and sorrow

St. SolSt. Sol    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 02:43

One of my old translations, all feelings and the star are personified as noted by D, the "fight" (as "our daily struggle") was chosen, based on the prevailing themes in VT lyrics. Regards.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 02:49

Btw, I can now better explain why there are few thanks. I went thru several, ok too many, songs today and some made me think about all the subtlety in meanings that was previously lost on me. I just now realized I didn't leave many thanks where most were appreciated. I'll be mindful of that.
Glad you stayed.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 03:25

Синее небо да солнца круг.
Все на месте, да что-то не так. —> sounds like one of your past avatars Wink smile
Какой вы загадочный, Ст!

St. SolSt. Sol    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 03:29

Children of Kronos despise what others call "our sun"

IgeethecatIgeethecat    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 03:42

Ох, как грустно, Я более надеялась на «Гульчитай, открой личико»

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 04:26

Not good to me.
Sadly, the articles were ignored en masse.
"Go on a bat" > what is supposed to mean?
You probably would want to correct "And the tongues behind teeth."

St. SolSt. Sol    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 04:34

The trochee meter [^- ^- ...] and unstressed articles in the beginning of the lines don't mix very well.
Go on a bat - a posted idiom (highlighted by LT)
And the tongues behind teeth - what is wrong with it?

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    रवि, 17/11/2019 - 04:43

1) It's maybe o.k. to miss an article with a "star" in the beginning of the line, bending grammar rules under the poetic licence.
But you missed quite a few in your text.
2) Go on a bat - a posted idiom (highlighted by LT) >
I would like to see this phrase/idiom use outside of the LT (where it occurs only in Russian and Turikish translations).
3) And the tongues behind teeth - what is wrong with it?
a) Plural "tongues"
b) behind THE teeth.