Ty u Menya Odna (Ты у Меня Одна) (अंग्रेज़ी में अनुवाद)

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Ty u Menya Odna (Ты у Меня Одна)

Ты у меня одна –
Словно в ночи луна,
Словно в степи сосна,
Словно в году весна.
Нету другой такой
Ни за какой рекой.
Нет за туманами,
Дальними странами.
 
В инее провода.
В сумерках города.
Вот ведь взошла звезда,
Чтобы светить всегда.
Чтобы будить в метель.
Чтобы стелить постель.
Чтобы качать всю ночь
У колыбели дочь.
 
Вот поворот, какой
Делается с рекой.
Можешь отнять покой,
Можешь махнуть рукой,
Можешь отдать долги,
Можешь любить других,
Можешь совсем уйти,
Только свети, свети.
 
boraarasboraaras द्वारा रवि, 23/10/2011 - 17:59 को जमा किया गया
आख़िरी बार सोम, 09/09/2019 - 17:16 को Sophia_Sophia_ द्वारा संपादित
अंग्रेज़ी में अनुवादअंग्रेज़ी
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You are my only one

संस्करण: #1#2#3#4#5
You are my only one
Akin to the sky's sun,1
Amid the desert green, 2
As to the year is spring.
There is no other one,
Beyond any river's run,
Nor beyond curling mists,
In distant lands exists.
 
Frost has the wires crossed.
Dusk over the towns falls.
The one arose midst stars,
The one to light the skies.
To always guide the way.
Make the bed for your stay.
By daughter's cradle pray,3
All night her cries allay.4
 
This is the twist of fate,
As banks with rivers mate.
The heart's caught in a race,
You can give up apace,
You can make good on debts,
Lavish your love at least,
You can leave for good, you see,
Just shine, shine for me.
 
  • 1. Original says: moon at night
  • 2. Original says: pine in the steppe
  • 3. Source says: to rock all night
  • 4. Source says: the daughter's cradle
Feedback is appreciated. If you like or dislike something, leave a note...
The objective is to further human understanding so my feeble attempts are not copyrighted.
BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever द्वारा शनि, 07/12/2019 - 01:20 को जमा किया गया
कमेन्ट
SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    शनि, 07/12/2019 - 20:01

Hi there.
I'm curious if Vizbor poetry could become so contagious as this ED craze?

Although you're off the original meter, but you're keeping the last syllable stressed, that's good.
I would also like to see more uniformity at the start of the line. ^= could be difficult, but you could go with =^.
"river's run & curling mists" sound very good!
Grilling time:
in race = in [a] race,
give up apace = I don't understand this one, doesn't sound English to me. Give up your space?
Lavish love on others, = I suggest you to think of something else there, since it is the only line that ends on [^=] and it really ruins all your good effort of rhymes and meter. It definitely spoils impression and I'm sure you could fix it easily. Lavish your love on the rest?
Thanks for translating.
PS. you have a typo in L3, but I bet it is your subconsciousness speaking Tongue smile

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    शनि, 07/12/2019 - 20:40

I remember vividly someone complaining no one looks at Vizbor... And what I told him...
Apace -- means quickly, swiftly as in quickly changing ones affections
Lol, ref typo: too much jam, but the rest is in PM 😛

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    शनि, 07/12/2019 - 22:49

Nothing wrong with "give up" or "apace", it is their combination that sounds unnatural.
With simple words they are, this combination should fill internet to the brim, but it is not. But it is translator's choice.

dandeliondandelion    रवि, 08/12/2019 - 06:36

Ого! Круто. Не могу судить о каких-то языковых тонкостях по известным причинам, но мне нравится, как это звучит. И рифма почти везде, и ритм очень близок к оригиналу.

JadisJadis    रवि, 08/12/2019 - 08:23

Original and well-tried, despite some apparent gaps in astronomy, like confusing the moon with the sun for example (this also happens to me sometimes, but only after a heavy dose of absinth). Regular smile
And for the last verse, instead of:
"Just shine, shine for me"
I would rather have written :
"Just shine, forever shine"
so :
1/ the syllable count would be better
2/ the meaning would be closer, IMHO, because he doesn't ask her to shine "for him", but to simply shine on.
So this was my feedback. Wink smile
 

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    रवि, 08/12/2019 - 09:17

Could be absinth, could be you forgot: It shall be moon, or star, or what I, Deanna, list!