Enjovher - Classic Beauty… (Orosz translation)

Angol

Classic Beauty…

It's every kind of beauty, in its own way.
It's the essence that is inscribed within
Our deepest thoughts.
 
It's any action that we give without expecting a reward,
It's every action we can demonstrate
And we know carrying out with determination.
 
It's all that remains inside us,
It's exposed when we are well with ourselves
And is reflected in our soul.
 
Kűldve: Enjovher Vasárnap, 01/01/2017 - 04:21
Last edited by Enjovher on Hétfő, 22/05/2017 - 05:47
Submitter's comments:
  • En: Prohibited the total, partial or modification reproduction of this lyrics without a written permission and/or consent of the author.
  • Es: Prohibida la reproducción total, parcial o modificación de esta letra sin el permiso y/o consentimiento escrito del autor.

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Orosz translation

Класическая красота

Она - любой тип красоты, каждый - по-своему.
Она - сущность записанная внутри
наших самых сокровенных мыслей.
 
Она - нечто, делаемое бескорыстно, не ожидая никаких наград
Она - каждое явное деяние которое
мы совершаем решительно
 
Она - всë, что остается внутри нас.
Она видна когда мы в ладу с собой
и отражена в нашей душе
 
This translation does not claim to be of any particular value.
Glad if you liked it, sorry if you didn't.
You can reuse it as you please.
Glad if it's for knowledge or understanding, sorry if it's just for money or fame.
Kűldve: petit élève Péntek, 16/03/2018 - 09:29
Added in reply to request by Enjovher
Last edited by petit élève on Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 17:54
Szerző észrevételei:

Thanks to comrade @Brat it should be readable now Regular smile

Hozzászólások
Brat    Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 15:43

Oh, that's a good translation, quite understandable for those who don't know English at all...
But there are some uncouth places:
S1L1 каждый вид красоты - > normally we don't say like that in Russian. Sometimes we say "красота какого-либо рода" but a collocation like "род красоты" is still somewhat out of the way in Russian, though it's fully understandable. You may use "тип красоты" instead, that is much more comfortable. "Проявление красоты" is another possible variant here. Regular smile
So, I'd translate this line something like this: Она - любой тип красоты, каждый - по-своему
S1L2 написана внутри->записанная внутри (that sounds better in Russian, though the meaning is the very same) Regular smile
S1L3 глубоких мыслей->сокровенных мыслей (when a Russian reads "о глубоких мыслях" he will start to think "глубокомысленно", and that's not a good moment to do so) Wink smile

S2L1 любое бескорыстное дело->нечто, делаемое бескорыстно (that better corresponds with the continuation of the line containing a participle)
S2L3 видимое does not give the intended meaning here. It'd be better to change it into "открытое", "явное", or even "открыто демонстрируемое"
S2L4 нам удается завершить ->мы [в известной мере] совершаем (you can safely omit the phrase in brackets because it (or any of such parenthetic words ever) is not likely to be said when speaking in Russian)

S3L2 мы себя с собой хорошо чувствуем-> that's too redundant in Russian. Wink smile There's one good way to translate this expression into Russian: "у нас всё хорошо", though it may have another possible idiomatic translation like "мы в ладу с собой".
S3L3 в нашей души->в нашей душе (a minor typo, I suppose) Regular smile

petit élève    Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 18:00

Sounds nice, but that's your typical Shevchuk poetry, with блатной slang to boot.
Even with the English translation I can hardly grasp the Russian!

I could try a French version, but I'd need to work hard on it.

Brat    Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 18:08

There are some errors in the original lyrics. Sad smile I'll make some kind of verification and post it in the song's page...

Brat    Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 18:22

Done with the mistakes. You may proceed now.

petit élève    Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 17:55

Thanks a lot, Brother.
As you can see, I was not fishing for compliments when I said my Russian needed a serious overhaul.

Not quite sure about "carrying out with determination". Are you saying совершать is enough to render the whole locution and there's no need to add решительно (or any better suited equivalent)? I'd prefer something a bit less terse, if only to fill the meter.

у нас всё хорошо -> Occam's razor Regular smile Still the English is a bit unusual, so I'd rather use the other option.

в нашей души -> I'm rather pleased with myself, to say the truth. Nearly 10 lines and only one blatant grammar error is quite an achievement for me Teeth smile

Brat    Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 18:06
petit élève wrote:

Thanks a lot, Brother.
Not quite sure about "carrying out with determination". Are you saying совершать is enough to render the whole locution and there's no need to add решительно (or any better suited equivalent)? I'd prefer something a bit less terse, if only to fill the meter.

Regular smile
You'd leave "решительно" at its place and modify only what I mentioned. In this case it would be okay with or without 'knowing' about it... Wink smile

petit élève    Vasárnap, 18/03/2018 - 18:32

Ok, I see. I think it's ok to drop the "know" part. I suppose the idea was "we know how to" or "we manage to", but that's kind of redundant.