Vous lui direz (Angol translation)

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Proofreading requested
Angol translation

You shall tell him

I have to say my dreams are torn apart
without him,
and a new day dawns, like a long
silence.
It is etched in my memory,
this story
of a woman and a man happy together.
 
However often I move places,
the same
persistent emptiness and anguish
come back.
Pretending they don't doesn't help.
What am I to do?
Except keep on deceiving him for a while.
 
You shall tell him I am well now,
even if that means you will lie, my friends.
You shall try once more to spare him
from knowing I am lost.
 
You shall look him in the eyes and say
that leaving me was the right thing to do.
Make up a story about my beautiful life,
tell him I am done suffering for him.
~~
Each day comes with yet another
doubt.
Oblivion is like some books:
"to be continued..."1
While, in my boundless despair
I can't
seem to feel the fire dying out.
 
I keep inside myself what once was ours,
I carry
everywhere this one and only word:"I love you...".
And when I think of our farewell
I realize
why Venice keeps sinking...2
 
You shall tell him I am well now,
even if that means you will lie, my friends.
You shall try once more to spare him
from knowing I am lost.
 
You shall look him in the eyes and say
that leaving me was the right thing to do.
Make up a story about my beautiful life,
tell him I am done suffering for him.
~~
Make up a story about my beautiful life,
tell him I am done suffering for him.
 
  • 1. the metaphor is a bit strange in French too
  • 2. another rather uncommon metaphor!
Kűldve: Guest Szerda, 18/04/2018 - 23:21
Added in reply to request by Valeriu Raut
The author of translation requested proofreading.
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Francia

Vous lui direz

More translations of "Vous lui direz"
AngolGuest
Mireille Mathieu: Top 3
See also
Hozzászólások
michealt    Szombat, 21/04/2018 - 20:23

Nice translation.
Footnote 2: the metaphor seems strange in English to me only because of the use of "oblivion" (the state of having forgotten, or of having been forgotten) instead of "forgetting" (the process of ceasing to remember). The point is that the process is never complete, it's always to be continued. It seems very odd to say that about a state. But other English speakers may take a different view, it's not something often talked about (except when discussing consumption of alcohol as a substitue for obtaining some mythical water from Lethe reiver Lethe).

petit élève    Szombat, 21/04/2018 - 20:30

Well yes, "l'oubli" does sound like "oblivion". "forgetting" would rather be "oublier". That's what makes the French sound a bit odd too.

Any idea to make the line around footnote 1 a bit lighter, by the way?

michealt    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 09:21

Well, the first thing TLF says about "oubli" is "Phénomène complexe, à la fois psychologique et biologique, normal ou pathologique (dans ce cas, relevant de l'amnésie) qui se traduit par la perte progressive ou immédiate, momentanée ou définitive du souvenir." It would indeed be odd if the sense in this line were other than "la perte progressive du souvenir", but why insist that the meaning of "oubli" is not the only one listed that makes sense in context? (And wasn't it you who pointed me at the online TLF a few years ago?)

michealt    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 09:34

On footnote 1, the problem is that "spare him" needs some form of pain or unhappiness as direct object, and "that fact that I am lost" isn't one, so some mental juggling is needed to understand teh line. One option is to translate the French textvery literally,, "lui cacher" = "hide from him" (or "keep from him") and "the fact" is just redundant padding which should be left out (as it is left out in te French); probably best in that case to move the direct object to its natural position the end. Alternatively, you can keep "spare him" but change "the fact" to "from knowing" (or "from learning"), that too would read better in English than aything saying "spare him the fact".

petit élève    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 09:58

Thanks, that should read better now.

michealt    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 11:20

You missed the repeat - stanza 7 should be the same as stanza 3.

petit élève    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 12:09

Oops...

Igeethecat    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 10:25

However often I move places, {do they move places around or or do they move from one place to another?}
the same
persistent emptiness and anguish
come back.
Pretending they don't doesn't help.{they don’t or pretending doesn’t???}
What am I to do? {I am lost - what does it mean and in what tense?}
Except keep on cheating for a wile. {maybe it’s just me, but it sounds weird:}

petit élève    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 12:36
Igeethecat ha scritto:

However often I move places, {do they move places around or or do they move from one place to another?}

AFAIK that can only mean "move around" (from place to place)

Igeethecat ha scritto:

Pretending they don't doesn't help.{they don’t or pretending doesn’t???}

Both. Or neither Teeth smile
"pretending [emptiness and anguish] don't [come back] doesn't help [me getting any better]"

lgeethecat ha scritto:

What am I to do? {I am lost - what does it mean and in what tense?}

That's a bit like "what should I do?" but it can be said when you feel really helpless.

lgeethecat ha scritto:

Except keep on cheating for a wile. {maybe it’s just me, but it sounds weird:}

That expression sounds a bit peculiar with "cheating", but so does the French. Still I think it's ok and rather common. For instance, "keep on walking/chatting/working for a while".
But maybe there is a more idiomatic way of saying? What do you think, Tom?

Igeethecat    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 13:49

So, is it “cheating for a wHile” or “for a wile”?

petit élève    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 13:53

Oh sorry, I had missed the typo. "for a while", like "for some time"

Igeethecat    Vasárnap, 22/04/2018 - 14:13

Ok, then it makes sense. ‘Wile’ confused me - Mireille Mathieu and urban dictionary cannot be used in the same stanza LOL

michealt    Hétfő, 23/04/2018 - 00:23

"tricher" sounds odd to me, so does "cheating" in English, Your pointing it out made me listen carelully to the video looking for "me tricher", but there was no sign of any "me" so... I think probably "tricher" here should be translated as "pretending" because although the difference in verbs can stretch that far I don't think "deceiving myself" can be what is meant without an audible "me". But then you would have to find a different translation for "inventer la contraire".

petit élève    Hétfő, 23/04/2018 - 05:15

Mmm... "me tricher" wouldn't work since "tricher" uses "avec" for a preposition. You could say "tricher avec moi-même" to evoke self-deception, but "me mentir [à moi-même]" would be more usual.

I agree the intended meaning must be closer to "pretend", but this "tricher" sounds a bit unusual in French too. I suppose the idea is to add a derogatory tone. After all the whole song is full of self-deprecation.

michealt    Hétfő, 23/04/2018 - 11:00

Maybe "deceiving myself" would work?

petit élève    Hétfő, 23/04/2018 - 20:48

Yep, "deceiving" should do it, but given the context, it's rather him who will be decieved, I think