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  • Jah Khalib

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Natalie

Living in a shackled world,
Natalie didn't understand why people loved each other.
Months and years passed, the pictures worn out more frequently.
 
Leaving only the black and white lines.
 
Her feelings were locked in the depths of her soul,
Nobody ever figured out her heartbeats.
Her eyes were hidden under an actor's mask.
All alone, the old maid Natalie.
 
She didn't believe that the truth hides strength within itself.
She forgot that the world around her can be beautiful.
Battered by feelings, she convinced herself,
That love presents no riches.
 
Passing by old gardens on her way home,
Across the bridge to the left of the Vesnovka1,
She'd walk timidly and watch in embarrassment,
How couples in love would smile at each other.
 
At night, she would look at the stars.
It was all so serious, with character and age,
There's no place in the soul for the bright sun,
So happiness packed up and took its leave.
 
Warm blood flows through the veins,
But the hands freeze, and she questions herself.
Outside it's spring, but inside her it's winter,
Stretched out by the frost for ten consecutive years.
 
A baby's skin, covered by a silken dress,
Soot on the shelves, the worn-out walls of the rooms.
Antidepressants, a whispered prayer to God;
The winds moan: is she lonely? (yes)
 
More hysterics than good sense,
The tears fall without delay through the bitter prism
Of sorrow and hopelessness.
This strong girl has already lost her stability.
 
The young woman's body has become decrepit.
Her lips have lost their beckoning scent.
Her face has lost its radiance with nobody near.
That's how old age came to her, but all the same she would walk
 
Along those same roads, the same avenues,
Still lying to herself, that she regrets nothing at all,
Counting the minutes, losing her reason,
Not making it through the week up to the 7th anniversary.
 
How she wanted to shout, but her last sighs
Made peace easy, like a white bedsheet.
“Answer me, God, how will the sunrise look
With my beloved in Heaven together?
 
And how happy would I be,
To seem in his soul, at age 70, so young,
Faithful, and amusing. Eternally blazing like a fire,
Loving and respecting him.”
 
It's a shame that she never knew the sweet poison of love.
Once again, pain inside and heavy rain pouring down the roofs.
Natalie's heart, let go of your coldness,
And let her taste the sweet poison of love.
 
  • 1. Vesnovka - a river running through Almaty, Kazakhstan
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