Vorhang auf (Angol translation)

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Angol translationAngol
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Raise the Curtain

The curtain is closed
And dread robs me of the air
Who waits on/for my arrival
My heart tears apart the chest*
I want to give you everything**
I give you my dream**
Raise the curtain....***
 
Kűldve: GhostOps21GhostOps21 Kedd, 12/11/2013 - 09:14
Szerző észrevételei:

*Mein Herz zerreißt die Brust to me is an unusual phrase but would be literally My heart tears the chest as in ripping, but is better put as My heart tears apart or bursts (through) my chest.

**Using euch, Der Graf is talking to an audience, not a singular you.

***Literally Curtain up, better expressed as Raise the Curtain

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Vorhang auf

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ScieraSciera    Kedd, 12/11/2013 - 14:47
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Doesn't "wait" normally take "for", not "on"?

"My heart tears the chest" sounds a bit strange, I'd say. What about adding "apart"?

"I want to give you all everything"
That "all" should be left away, shouldn't it? Or is it there to stress that "euch" is plural? "all everything" just sounds quite strange, at least to my non-native ears.
Same with "curtain up" - "raise the curtain" sounds more natural to me.

GhostOps21GhostOps21    Kedd, 12/11/2013 - 19:53

Yeah, for me the whole phrase "Mein Herz zerreißt die Brust" is kinda unusual in English kind of like the heart is bursting out of the chest, but it's not quite worded like that.

To me the euch seems like he's talking to the audience, but English doesn't really separate like between euch and du.

Literal of the curtain up seemed kinda strange as well, wanted someone else's opinion as I was thinking of doing Raise the curtain as well but went literal, so thank you Sciera.

Still new to translating so thank you for your comments Sciera, helped me out!