Я вас любил...

Я вас любил: любовь еще, быть может,

В душе моей угасла не совсем;

Но пусть она вас больше не тревожит;

Я не хочу печалить вас ничем.

Я вас любил безмолвно, безнадежно,

То робостью, то ревностью томим;

Я вас любил так искренно, так нежно,

Как дай вам бог любимой быть другим.

Fordítás

I Loved You

You I loved, love maybe even yet

Has not entirely sputtered in my soul.

But do not let it bother you a whit.

I do not want to sadden you at all.

You I loved in silence, beyond hope,

In torment such as jealous fear compels

You I gently loved, but with such scope

As God send you be loved by someone else

Köszönet ❤
26 alkalommal köszönték meg

Felhasználó	Ideje
Κακομάζαλη	10 months 2 nap
Moshe Kaye	1 év 3 months
art_mhz2003	3 év 7 months
Guest	3 év 9 months
Guest	3 év 9 months
Iremia	3 év 9 months

Kűldve:

shined 2020-06-30

Szerző észrevételei:

As a youth I read in this famous lyric a tender outburst of unselfish passion. Now I think it is a bit of passive aggressive “poor me.” Of course it is Pushkin and thus beautifully made, but notice how declarative, short and simple, how subject-verb-object, almost angry his rhythm until the passive voice of the reveal in the last line. I think translations of я вас любил tend to be too flowery - maybe because the translator is overwhelmed with the romance of that last line. I am after a bit of spite. Looking to use near-rhymes and I want to capture that simplicity of utterance.

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.

Collections with "Я вас любил..."

1.	Some Often Translated Classic Poems (English, French, German, Russian) / 30+

Alexander Pushkin: Top 3

1.	У лукоморья дуб зелёный... (U lukomor'ya dub zelyonyi...)
2.	Я вас любил... (Ya vas lyubil...)
3.	К * (Я помню чудное мгновенье...) (K * (Ya pomnyu chudnoe mgnoven'e...))

Hozzászólások

Iremia

Szerda, 01/07/2020 - 11:15

Really good, as always, but I find “You I loved” instead of “I loved you” a little bit too aggressive for Pushkin, even after reading your comment. It sounds almost like a punch, that “You” at the beginning of the poem. I think that you are right about passive-aggressive tone of the poem, but Pushkin is very clever here - let her suffer the “almost” loss of his love (любовь ещё, быть может, в душе моей угасла не совсем), he knows female nature very well indeed! Because after that confession, that “let me not bother you with my love”, her feelings may spark anew. He had countless love affairs, and with such tactics, I am not surprised at all, why he had such a success with women.
I could be completely wrong here (I need to read more on his biography and this particular piece) but this is how I understand this poem.

shined

Szerda, 01/07/2020 - 13:28

Iambic pentameter (unusual for Pushkin's and indeed most стихи, which are usually quatrameter or 4's and 3's) but with that curiously Russian twist of weak line endings alternating with strong. I basically wrote the iambic pentameter, what I missed was the alternating endings, which is I think why it doesn't sound Russian. That and what Irula pointed out about the intrusive you - I wanted it angry and I wanted to reproduce what Pushkin did putting the verb любил right up against the noun любовь. But I agree with Irula: the poem is not purely angry and not purely selfless, there is seduction in it too.