Последний троллейбус (traduzione in Francese)

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Последний троллейбус

Когда мне невмочь пересилить беду,
Когда подступает отчаянье,
Я в синий троллейбус сажусь на ходу,
В последний, в случайный.
Я в синий троллейбус сажусь на ходу,
В последний, в случайный.
 
Последний троллейбус, по улицам мчи,
Верши по бульварам круженье,
Чтоб всех подобрать, потерпевших в ночи
Крушенье, крушенье.
Чтоб всех подобрать, потерпевших в ночи
Крушенье, крушенье.
 
Последний троллейбус, мне дверь отвори!
Я знаю, как в зябкую полночь
Твои пассажиры, матросы твои
Приходят на помощь.
Твои пассажиры, матросы твои
Приходят на помощь.
 
Я с ними не раз уходил из беды,
Я к ним прикасался плечами...
Как много, представьте себе, доброты
В молчанье, молчанье.
Как много, представьте себе, доброты
В молчанье, молчанье.
 
Последний троллейбус плывет по Москве,
Москва, как река, затухает,
И боль, что скворчонком стучала в виске,
Стихает, стихает.
И боль, что скворчонком стучала в виске,
Стихает, стихает.
 
Postato da boraarasboraaras Ven, 10/01/2014 - 22:45
Ultima modifica sandringsandring Mar, 13/02/2018 - 05:08
traduzione in FranceseFrancese (singable)
Allinea i paragrafi
A A

Le dernier trolley

Quand je suis impuissant à vaincre le malheur,
Quand le désespoir me guette,
Je prends à la course un trolley bleu
Le dernier, n'importe lequel.
Je prends à la course un trolley bleu
Le dernier, n'importe lequel.
 
Trolley de minuit, file par les rues,
fais ta ronde sur les boulevards
Pour ramasser tous ceux qui ont fait dans la nuit
Naufrage, naufrage.
Pour ramasser tous ceux qui ont fait dans la nuit
Naufrage, naufrage.
 
Trolley de minuit, ouvre-moi ta porte !
Je sais que dans le froid poignant de la nuit
Tes passagers, tes matelots
Nous prêtent main forte.
Tes passagers, tes matelots
Nous prêtent main forte.
 
Avec eux, plus d'une fois, j'ai fui le malheur,
J'ai senti leurs épaules contre mes épaules...
Ah ! combien il y a de bonté,
Dans leur silence, leur silence.
Ah ! combien il y a de bonté,
Dans leur silence, leur silence.
 
Le dernier trolley navigue dans Moscou,
Moscou, comme la rivière, s'éteint,
Et la douleur qui frappait mes tempes comme un étourneau,
S'adoucit, s'adoucit
Et la douleur qui frappait mes tempes comme un étourneau,
S'adoucit, s'adoucit
 
Postato da sandringsandring Lun, 12/02/2018 - 09:19
Ultima modifica sandringsandring Ven, 06/09/2019 - 05:55
Commenti dell’autore:

I was submitting the video to this wonderful song when I noticed this enchanting translation in the comments area. Just couldn't help sharing it.

Altre traduzioni di “Последний троллейбус”
Francese Ssandring
Inglese Guest
Raccolte con "Последний троллейбус"
Idioms from "Последний троллейбус"
Commenti fatti
petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 09:41

Very nice! One of my favourite songs of Okudzhava's.

You did a great job. It reads very nicely. Still, I wouldn't miss an occasion to pester you with a bit of nitpicking.

сажусь на ходу -> "prendre à la course" rather means "run faster than someone" (Je le prends à la course -> "I could beat him in a race")
I'd rather suggest "Je saute dans un trolley bleu" or "Je prends au vol un trolley bleu"

Nous prêtent main forte -> "me prêteront..." ?
"nous" sounds a bit odd since it's about him, and this will happen only after he gets in, so a future sounds more natural

comme la rivière -> It's not about any specific river, just a metaphor, right? If so, an indefinite article sounds more appropriate to me.

скворчонком -> maybe "comme un oiseau affolé" or something like that? This use of a specific bird name sounds a bit unusual, but it's just a subjective opinion.

BratBrat    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 09:55
petit élève wrote:

comme la rivière -> It's not about any specific river, just a metaphor, right? If so, an indefinite article sounds more appropriate to me.

The translator might have taken into account that Moscow stands on the eponymous river...

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 10:11

He should have said "sa rivière" then.
"la rivière" sounds either like some river we're supposed to know about even though it was never mentioned before, or "the concept of river", as if rivers going dark was a well-known phenomenon Regular smile
And besides the river is called "la Moskova" in French.

BratBrat    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 10:21
petit élève wrote:

"la rivière" sounds either like some river we're supposed to know about even though it was never mentioned before, or "the concept of river", as if rivers going dark was a well-known phenomenon Regular smile

Since the latter makes not very much sense we'll have to guess about the former... The fact that the river is called "la Moskova" in French couldn't cancel the possibility of that being implied.

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 10:34

Well yes, but if it's about the Moskova, then "sa rivière" would be the thing to say.
Or else "la rivière qui la traverse" or "la rivière du même nom", but that would be a mouthful.

BratBrat    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 10:13
petit élève wrote:

Nous prêtent main forte

A bit odd... Because at least 'à nous' could come out of the original...

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 10:18

What do you mean? The Russian just says "your sailors-passengers will come to the rescue" without specifying who will be helped, right?

BratBrat    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 10:24

Yes, it's just that way. It may mean, though, that the passengers are eager to help, that they always help, that they will surely help you (us, him, her, or anybody else).

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 10:36

If that's the idea, there are ways to say that in French without using a pronoun, just like in Russian.
"Nous" rather sounds like he was speaking about himself and the trolley Regular smile

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 09:45

Pierre, dear, it's not my translation but I love it. Unfortunately, I can't correct it, I'm sorry. I promise I'll translate something for you but later. Now I must into German. Regular smile

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 09:50

Ah well, what a disappointment Regular smile
I wonder if this was translated by a Russian or a French. This "prendre à la course" should sound odd to a French ear, except maybe if the translation was made a few decades ago. This use of "nous" and "la rivière" is also a bit peculiar. Oh well...

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 09:57

I don't think it was translated by a native and yet it sounds very nice, nearly a singable. Before I translate anything I'll read French poetry, I haven't done it for quite a time. Just to get the right feel.

BratBrat    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 16:25

Well, let's harvest the fruits. First of all, the translator is presumably a non-native French speaker. He or she used 'prendre à la course' to describe the process of chasing the blue trolley-bus and finally getting into it. A rather swift guy, indeed Regular smile Then comes this 'Nous prêtent main forte'. As I understand, something is probably odd there, because the main problem is not in the tense used, nor in the object, because it could be a metonymy when he speaks of "us" imaging himself being a part of those who are wrecked. It may be a kind of language subtlety not easily understandable by foreigners. And, slurring over the bird that could be even a woodpecker with the same effect, we end up with the city and the river. Here the problem lies in the following. In Russian 'троллейбус плывет по Москве' could be understood as if the trolley-bus was passing either along the city (number one association) or along the eponymous river (the second allusion) that could darken as well as the city when the night comes, and they can even do this simultaneously (Москва, как река, затухает). That trick couldn't be played in French, though the translator tried to cope with that using this counterintuitive 'la rivière'.
Something like that, if I'm not mistaken...

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 17:00

"prendre à la course" is definitely a bit awkward. "prendre/attraper au vol" is much more idiomatic, and a very good match for the Russian.

I think the translator could have avoided this "nous" altogether just like Okudzhava did. "Tes matelots viendront à la rescousse" for instance, leaving the beneficiary up to the imagination of the reader.

Okudzhava seemed to like these river metaphors, you can also find them in songs like "На фоне Пушкина..." or "Песенка о Арбате"
Tricky to render indeed.

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 19:14

bateau-mouches=речные трамвайчики for pleasure boats might have caused the allusion to the river. The English translation is a disaster Cry smile

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 19:47

I don't like this English version either. These prettifications are not my cup of tea.
That prompted me to whip up another one.
I'm sure you could improve it quite a bit, if you feel like it.

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:03

The English translation is the author's sick fantasies a la Okudzhava. I hate this kind of translations. Full of the translator's self-indulging ego. I've also thought of making it into a singable. Lots of questions to answer. "Беда" - misfortune???? No way. What's случайный троллейбус? Lots of questions to answer in Russian. We all know this song and feel it subconsciously but how to make others feel it if they don't read Dostoyevsky for breakfast? That is the question.

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:11

In that case I'd rather go for something literal. There is no point in polluting Okudzhava with fancy interpretations. The best I can do is try to let his words speak, even if some of the undertones are lost. I tried to remain close to the meaning, only rephrasing Russian expressions that would sound odd in English.

I'm not happy with "hardships" and "misfortune" for "беда" but I couldn't think of anything better. What would you suggest?

St. SolSt. Sol    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:11

Calamity, distress, tribulation.

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:20

When it's beyond me to get over ill luck
When I feel choked up with despair
I jump on a blue trolley-bus on the ride
The last one out there

Something like that

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:19

You took "случайный" out of the picture, that's cheating Regular smile
"calamity" seems a bit melodramatic, but "ill luck" seems a bit mild maybe?
подступает отчаянье -> I would have thought that would be closer to "draws near" or "creeps in"? "threatens" maybe?

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:23

It's a draft, dear, it was done in 5 minutes. "Подступает отчаяние" is based on the Russian idiom "подступать к горлу" when you can't breathe.

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:26

Yes, sorry. This fancy translation actually pissed me off, I just wrote mine out of anger Regular smile
Maybe I should give it a rest and have another look a bit later.

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:29

Bad luck is shallow, but ill luck is just the right touch, I think. He doesn't mean Eternal Evil, he means a streak of accidents, problems that bring him down and he doesn't see an end to them. Sort of karma thing.

St. SolSt. Sol    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:35

When I can't get over calamity woes,
When bitter despair draws near,
I jump on a moving blue trolley on toes,
The last one, I fear.

sandringsandring    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 20:44

Ok, guys, each of us can translate this song. I think it deserves much more than one translation. Regular smile

petit élèvepetit élève    Lun, 12/02/2018 - 22:10

Absolutely. I was thinking the same. I'd love to see both of your versions.
It's only when I saw this translation that I realized how much I love this song. There is such a peaceful feeling to it. Being welcome among strangers and basking in their benevolence. What a beautiful feeling.