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  • the Bob and Tom show

    the Bob and Tom show

    Heaven Versus Hell Baseball Game

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Testo della canzone: Heaven Versus Hell Baseball Game

(featuring dan st paul)
 
hello everybody,
and welcome to this year's
afterlife all-star game.
this is the late harry caray,
and i'm here to tell ya
i'm pretty well preserved for a dead guy.
i owe it all to budweiser,
to look like new,
this bud's for you.
today the best from heaven and hell
meet "live" so to speak from purgatory park,
which is pretty darn convenient for me
since i'm still doin' time here
for pluggin' augie busch's wife.
at home-plate now to exchange line-up cards
are the two skippers, god and satan.
and make no mistake about it,
these two do not like each other.
let's set hell defensively for ya:
at first,
attila the hun.
at second,
ivan the terrible.
at short,
jack the ripper.
at third,
max cardwell.
max is a guy who kicked my ass
in a bar-fight in 1963.
i told him to "go to hell" and whad'ya know.
in the out-field the axis power-hitters:
hitler, hirohito, and Mussolini.
boy talk about your murderers' row.
behind the plate:
ruthless romanian dictator,
nicolae ceaușescu.
and on the mound for the devils:
corporate ruler who starved the poor
to amass his own fortune of obscene wealth.
i'm talkin' about Filipino fireballer ferdinand marcos.
down on the farm, they've got this kid jeffrey dahmer,
who's got a fine young arm.
in fact, in the freezer he's got several of them.
leading off for the saints now,
joan of arc.
ten hits in her last twelve trips,
she's on fire.
here's the pitch,
it's popped up,
out goes jack the ripper,
in comes hitler,
they collide,
and the führer is hurt.
out from the dugout
races team doctor mengele.
adolf is up and trying to goose step,
but it looks like satan's
gonna have to make a switch.
he's calling on diabolical architect
of the cambodian khmer rouge:
pol pot.
pot responsible for the deaths
of up to two million of his own countrymen.
nowhere near hitler's numbers,
but a fine defensive outfielder.
i wanna send out a big hello,
a big hello to a group out here
making the road trip from hell today:
22 former members of the islamic terrorist al-qaeda network,
and boy do they look surprised.
up now for the saints:
scrappy switch hitting shortstop
mother teresa.
she's in a deep crouch.
of course, she's always in a deep crouch...
here's the pitch,
she hits it deep,
it could be,
it might be,
it is,
outta here.
and trotting out to the mound is satan.
he may yank marcos here.
holy-cow he yanks out his spleen.
marcus-carcass is being dragged off the mound.
the call goes out to the bull-pen
where reliever sam kinison is
snorting up the left-field line.
i don't know if we can go on now.
it looks like this may be the first game
called on account of the prince of darkness.
while there's a break in the action,
let me tell ya that today's game is brought to you by:
"the whores of babylon" sports-bar.
you know it gets damn hot in hell,
and when you need a time-out for a cold one,
where better than, the "whores of babylon" sports-bar,
where every waitress is a damned whore
certified by satan himself.
they're naked, but you can't touch 'em.
i mean hey,
it's hell.
and if the beer tastes like piss,
that's because it is,
it's hell everybody.
but hey ya all need a break,
so why not meet the gang at the
"whores of babylon" sports bar,
where we've got 50 screens,
and the damn yankees win every day.
 

 

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