Endless (traduzione in Francese)

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Revisione appena richiesta
traduzione in Francese

Sans Fin

Je me noyais á l'agonie,
me noyais dans ses yeux,
je touchais les ailes de foi qui m' étreignaient,
tellement irréel, mais je sentais
le désir de sa beauté divine.
Une voix retentissait dans le loin,
sans jamais s'éteindre.
Au loin j'ai entendu
le vent lancer un appel,
ma flamme ardente.
 
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Postato da michealt Gio, 14/06/2018 - 11:30
Aggiunto su richiesta di neige
Ultima modifica michealt Gio, 21/06/2018 - 19:07
L'autore della traduzione ha chiesto una revisione del testo.
Questo significa che sarebbe lieto di ricevere correzioni, consigli ecc. sulla sua traduzione.
Se hai una buona conoscenza sia della lingua di origine sia di quella della traduzione, è gradito un tuo commento.
Inglese

Endless

Commenti fatti
Klou    Mer, 20/06/2018 - 12:54

Here are some suggestions Regular smile

Je me noyais
dans un moment mourant -> à l'agonie (you can even try "en proie à l'agonie")
me noyais dans ses yeux,
m' étraignaient -> m'étreignaient

"peu réaliste" doesn't sound very poetic. "Tellement irréel" would be better.

renentissaid -> retentissait
au loin (you can say "dans le lointain" if you don't want to repeat "au loin")

petit élève    Mer, 20/06/2018 - 13:07

Feeling the wings of faith embracing me -> I think "sentir" would be better here: "Je sentais l'étreinte des ailes de la foi" or "Je sentais les ailes de la foi m'étreindre" or something like that.

peu réaliste -> I agree with Klou here. That sounds like "not very realistic" Regular smile

The wind call a name -> "call a/my name" does not translate well in French.
I'd rather say "j'ai entendu le vent lancer un appel" or something like that.

michealt    Gio, 21/06/2018 - 19:08

Thanks for the comments, Klou and Pierre.