Я умру в крещенские морозы (Ya umru v kreshchenskie morozy) (traduzione in Inglese)

Revisione appena richiesta

Я умру в крещенские морозы

Я умру в крещенские морозы.
Я умру когда трещат березы.
А весною ужас будет полный:
На погост речные хлынут волны!
 
Из моей затопленной могилы
Гроб всплывет, забытый и унылый,
Разобьется с треском и в потемки
Уплывут ужасные обломки.
 
Сам не знаю, что это такое...
Я не верю вечности покоя!
 
Postato da Sophia_Sophia_ Mar, 01/09/2015 - 13:07
Ultima modifica Sophia_Sophia_ Lun, 29/11/2021 - 06:56
traduzione in IngleseInglese (poetica, rimata)
Allinea i paragrafi

I will die at winter's frost attack

I will die at winter's frost attack.
I will die when bark of birches crack.
But in spring a disaster will start,
river waves will overwhelm the churchyard.
 
Then out of my fully sunken tomb
the coffin will surface, lost and gloomy.
It will break and at the end of the day
terrible debris will wash away.
 
I do not know what to make of this.
I do not trust in eternal peace.
 
Grazie!
thanked 6 times
Questa è una traduzione poetica. Ci possono essere degli scostamenti rispetto all'originale (parole in più, informazioni mancanti o aggiuntive, concetti modificati ecc.).
Postato da PinchusPinchus Dom, 28/11/2021 - 23:09
Ultima modifica PinchusPinchus Mar, 30/11/2021 - 00:37
Commenti dell’autore:

Many thanks to BlackSea4ever and
Kevin Rainbow for proofreading!

L'autore della traduzione ha chiesto una revisione del testo.
Questo significa che sarebbe lieto di ricevere correzioni, consigli ecc. sulla sua traduzione.
Se hai una buona conoscenza sia della lingua di origine sia di quella della traduzione, è gradito un tuo commento.
Commenti fatti
PinchusPinchus    Lun, 29/11/2021 - 00:01

Спасибо, Диана!
Ну, как шмогла...

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Lun, 29/11/2021 - 02:43

I deleted my proofreading as it seems you aren’t keen to fix the rest. 😉

PinchusPinchus    Lun, 29/11/2021 - 03:07

Какая Вы нетерпеливая. Я сам пока не знаю, что и когда буду исправлять.

Kevin RainbowKevin Rainbow    Lun, 29/11/2021 - 23:44
Quote:

I will die at time when birches crack.

No need for "at time when". "When" is enough, just as "когда" in the original.

Quote:

А весною ужас будет полный:
На погост речные хлынут волны!

You used flood twice because inundation means flood too, but the original doesn't use a noun meaning flood. Maybe

But in spring a disaster will start,
River waves will overwhelm the churchyard.

Quote:

coffin will resurface

"Coffin" needs a determiner before it (a/the/my)

Quote:

lost and gloom

lost and gloomy

Quote:

in the end of day

at the end of the day

PinchusPinchus    Mar, 30/11/2021 - 00:24

Ох! Спасибо, Кевин, буду думать.

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