Анатолий, извините, но я попросил англичанина, владеющего русским, прокомментировать Ваш перевод. Я не хочу Вас обидеть. Я просто надеюсь, что это поможет Вам в дальнейших переводах. Вот что он мне сказал:

"Objective comparisons: word order in English is much stricter than in Russian, because often it's essential to the meaning. The "poetic" word order doesn't always work, the meaning is sometimes obscured.
In Russian the dash - stands for the verb "to be". We can't use the dash like this in English. Some of the lines where he uses the Russian dash look bizarre in English. I'm - a moment .

There are some problems of article use: you can't say "hurricane", it must be "a" or "the" hurricane. "Hurricane knocks at my unruly heart" is odd.
"It was like this. It'll be like this, of course.  (Было так. Наверно, так и будет)
What to say to that- I don't know in the end.
To run into the distance- why, I don't understand."
These lines don't work well. They don't convey the meaning.
There is a lot more that could be said. His translation certainly does have some nice touches, but if a native speaker was asked to check his version, there would have to be some changes. In my opinion some of the lines do not convey (to the non-Russian speaker) what the Russian means".