Священник И Бродяга
A Priest And A Tramp
Grazie! ❤ | ||
thanked 4 times |
1. | Songs about tramps |
1. | Май (Mai) |
2. | Ищем В Жизни Смысл (Ishchem V Zhizni Smysl) |
3. | Не хочу (Nye Khatshu) |
1. | well fed |
And what about a bit of proofreading?
S1L1 at the crossroads of two ways->at the crossing of two ways (there's no need to repeat roads-ways)
S1L2 the priest and the tramp->a priest and a tramp (we don't know anything about these people except their occupation)
S1L3 by looking->looking
S1L4 Had ->Was
S2L3 hasn't brought an ounce of use-> haven't brought an ounce of good
S4L2 inspires a fear to people.-> inspires fear among people.
S7L2 Your sins will be surprised even the Gomorrah!-> Your sins could surprise even Gomorrah! or Even Gomorrah could be surprised at your sins!
S7L3 I bringing the peace and you sowing->I'm bringing peace and you're sowing
S7L4 The dawning of anger->Seeds of anger (you couldn't sow a dawn, indeed :) )
BTW, petit élève may add something I've missed. ;)
petit élève wrote:I'm a bit uneasy proofreading the authors of the song themselves. I mean, it's their work, and who am I to think I could do better?
Наше дело - предложить, Ваше (автора) дело - отказаться. ;)
petit élève wrote:Still I agree some bits could use more standard English.
I can't fault your remarks, except "surprised at" would mean a disappointment (as if the guy did not meet Gomorrah's expectations :) ), so "surprised by" would be better here.
Actually to make it sound more natural I would rather adapt it as "Your sins make Gomorrah look like a joke" or something like that.
That's good! You see, "раздивится" is not a very common word, thus the translation should also be of that kind. :D
Putting *something* in the palm certainly sounds like giving alms but not sure "put in the palm" by itself makes a lot of sense...
But I'm not going to put in your palm, wayfarer.
how about:
"But I'll not put anything in your palm, wayfarer"
or even "But I will not cross your palm, wayfarer" (cross with silver)
I actually prefer that. "To cross someone's palm with silver" is such a well known idiom that it works even without "the silver"
It's a very good translation BTW :)
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I agree. Really good songs.