Стахановское племя (英語 訳)

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Стахановское племя

Прославил труд страну свою и время.
Родной простор изведанных дорог.
Идёт вперёд стахановское племя,
Идут шахтёры в бой за уголек!
Идёт вперёд стахановское племя,
Идут шахтёры в бой за уголек!
 
Своим трудом взрывая груз породы,
Пластов угля глубины проходя,
Сильны шахтёры силою народа
И обогреты ласкою вождя.
Сильны шахтёры силою народа
И обогреты ласкою вождя.
 
И в мирный час, и в боевое время
Своя страна шахтёрам дорога.
Пойдёт вперёд стахановское племя,
Пойдёт вперёд громить в бою врага!
Пойдёт вперёд стахановское племя,
Пойдёт вперёд громить в бою врага!
 
水, 15/05/2019 - 00:59にrapporappoさんによって投稿されました。
英語 訳英語 (原曲と同じリズムな)
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Stakhanov's tribe

The labour glorified the modern era
and home expanses of the traversed roads.
Stakhanov's tribe of miners goes together.
They're going into battle for the coal.
Stakhanov's tribe of miners goes together.
They're going into battle for the coal.
 
The miners detonate the load of stratums,
they're forcing through the layers of the coal.
The miners' strength reflects the people power,
and they are driven by the Chief1 caress.
The miners' strength reflects the people power,
and they are driven by the Chief caress.
 
In times of peace and certainly in wartime,
The miners cherish their beloved land.
Stakhanov's tribe of miners will go forward.
They will go forward fighting enemies.
Stakhanov's tribe of miners will go forward,
They will go forward fighting enemies.
 
  • 1. Stalin
水, 15/05/2019 - 17:23にPinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorskyさんによって投稿されました。
金, 17/05/2019 - 18:05にPinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorskyさんによって最終編集されました。
著者コメント:

Read https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stakhanovite_movement about Stakhanovite movement.

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
"Стахановское племя"の翻訳をもっと見る
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SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    水, 15/05/2019 - 23:46

Hi, PZ let's try to break this apart Regular smile
tribe is going on together miner's
The miners cherish country they belongs> they belong to.
they'll going forward fighting enemies. > they will go forward to fight (will going is incorrect)
Articles are missing before nation, battle.

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    水, 15/05/2019 - 23:54

Спасибо, постараюсь учесть. А перед эпохой не нужен артикль?

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    木, 16/05/2019 - 00:55

Теперь можно браться за перевод "Широка страна моя родная". Шутка.

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    木, 16/05/2019 - 01:06

Начало мне понравилось, но когда я понял объем, то приуныл. А что Вы хотите с этим сделать? И кто автор?

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    木, 16/05/2019 - 01:30

It's by the artist listed, jincharadze. I read and listened to it in full. I admit it would be quite an endeavor.
I find again and again the affinity to what he says.

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    木, 16/05/2019 - 02:12

Слава богу, Вы не предлагаете мне это перевести. Лучше уж "Широку страну". Я со Стахановым накорячился, и то наверно еще остались ошибки.
Готов прокомментировать сложные места, если сам пойму. Мне тоже будет интересно до конца дослушать, если постепенно.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    木, 16/05/2019 - 02:53

Stakhanov's tribe of miners go together —> the subject is ‘tribe’, so “tribe goes”
The miners cherish the beloved land. —> I think THEIR больше смысл передаёт и вроде ритм тот же

А поэмы лучше не переводите - сберегите Фила для потомков Teeth smile

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    木, 16/05/2019 - 03:04

Спасибо огромное, поправил! У меня "The miners" лезет через слово. Везде their?
О да, конечно, я и себя хочу сберечь для своего свиного племени.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    木, 16/05/2019 - 03:11

Oh, I meant ‘their country’, not miners. Они любят СВОЮ страну
Oops, I am sorry, I thought it’s obvious Wink smile

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    木, 16/05/2019 - 03:16

Конечно, очевидно, но не в 6 утра. Извиняюсь за тупость, думал в это время о том, можно ли считать букли синонимом дредов.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    木, 16/05/2019 - 03:25

Нельзя. Букли - это локоны, а дреды - это мелко-кучерявые нерасчесанные волосы свалянные во что-то наподобие узбекских косичек

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    木, 16/05/2019 - 07:26

Wow! This is bad! Sorry Pinhas. If it wasn't you doing this translation, I would've sworn it was GT.
The Russian is too cryptic for me, so I won't bother with whether you got the meaning across.
But as for the English, I'll try to make it make sense. (Wish me luck, this won't be easy.)

The modern era was made great by labor,
as well as expanding where people live and traveled roads.
Stakhanov's band of miners go on together.
They're going into battle for coal.
Stakhanov's tribe of miners go on together.
They're going into battle for coal.

The miners blow up the stratified dirt,
they're forcing through the layers of coal.
The miners' strength reflects the strength of the people
and they are warmed by the Chief's caress.
The miners' strength reflects the strength of the people
and they are warmed by the Chief's caress.

In times of peace and especially in wartime,
the miners cherish their beloved land.
Stakhanov's band of miners will go forward.
They will go forward fighting enemies.
Stakhanov's band of miners will go forward,
They will go forward fighting enemies

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    木, 16/05/2019 - 09:08

Thank you Phil. Don't see a lot of corrections. So, please don't scare me with such severe first words.
Band istead of tribe is interestung choice. Sounds musically.

L1 and L2 lines literally:

"The labour glorified the country and the time as well ashome expanses of the traversed roads."

By the way, GT make the following translation:

He glorified his country labor and time.
The native space of the tried and tested roads.
Go ahead Stakhanov tribe
Miners go to a battle over the corner!
Go ahead Stakhanov tribe
Miners go to a battle over the corner!

By exploding the cargo of a rock,
The seams of coal depth passing
Strong miners by the power of the people
And warmed by the caress of the leader.
Strong miners by the power of the people
And warmed by the caress of the leader.

And in peacetime, and in combat time
Its country miners road.
Go ahead Stakhanov tribe
Go ahead to smash the enemy in battle!
Go ahead Stakhanov tribe
Go ahead to smash the enemy in battle!

Phil AmbroPhil Ambro    木, 16/05/2019 - 16:29

I didn't mean to insult you. So sorry. However, GT translates things word per word, and uses several terms which really should not be used as their first choice. I suggest that if you ever want to use these words, you change them into something much more complicated in English.

IDOL. (although it's not in this song, I see it a LOT. I have no idea what IDOL means in Russian, but in English it is some sort of small trinket that people pray to (as part of their religion), OR it means some famous person who you would like to be. It means nothing else! If you don't mean one of these two things, it MUST be made clear what it is, when translating to English.

TRIBE: This word is almost exclusively used with Native American (or Aborigine) groups. All other groups of people use other terms. In this case, a "band" sounds OK. It doesn't mean they are playing instruments in this case. LOL

EPOCH: GT will literally translate the Russian word for "epoch" as "epoch", even though we mainly use "era" for it nowadays. So, if in the future you see the Russian word "epoch" use "era". "In the modern ERA". "epoch" is really only used when talking scientifically, about past times (like when dinosaurs roamed the Earth) "geological epoch".

The labour glorified the modern epoch
and home expanses of the traversed roads.

I understand that this line is hard to translate into English, even I would have to think about it for a long time. But, it has some very GT words in it. Still, you should think about who is doing this. In this case, no one. Normally we would use the passive voice to get such a sentence across, if no subject is doing it.

Labor was glorified in the modern era.

And once again, "home expanses" and "traversed roads" are really too literal, and sound GT. I really have NO IDEA what these means. I assume it means something like, "people started living in places where they didn't live previously, and road were built where there were no roads before." It's so easy to express complicated ideas like this in Russian with two words, the same is NOT true in English. English is a language of VERBS, Russian is a language of ADJECTIVES and NOUNS. There are so many times when Russians simply say an adjective and a noun and leave out all the verbs, and it's up to the English speaker to fill in the blanks. Unfortunately, our traditions and fokelore are so different that an English speaker may fill in the blanks incorrectly. I suggest that if you ever see a Russian adjective and noun that mean more than just those specific words, and no verbs are in the sentence, you should add a few verbs to help us English speakers to understand the meaning.
In this case, I would suggest something like this, however, you could say it many different ways:

"Labor was glorified in the modern era,
as homes and roads were built where there were none before."

Once again, sorry. Didn't mean to insult you at all. Accept my apology.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    木, 16/05/2019 - 17:01

Phil,
you kinda misunderstood completely what is the subject of this line. Labour (Labor) is performing the action, not an era.
And no one expanding anything there. It is just another object that was glorified.
also didn't like "home expanses" but forgot to point it out.
No one blows dirt there either.
Thanks for pointing out on "Apostrophes use after the letter S"

For PZ:
I would recommend Nation instead of a Tribe, to please Phil, even though he is not a Raiders fan. Regular smile

EDIT: Phil, please explain why no one is using apostrophes in "raiders fan",etc

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    木, 16/05/2019 - 17:49

As far as I understand, I should delete "the" before coal and put in before "people"
И верь после этого политикам, когда они говорят, что главное богатство страны - люди!
42, I've used nation instead of people and refused to avoid the "the". But it was flase hope.

I like the word "family" more then tribe or band. Phil, what about "family"?
Idol in modern russian is about pop-stars. I can't use Idol if I speak about Stalin. The better is Father, but it's the word of syllables and the stress is on 2nd.

No word "epoch" in original text. "the labour glorified the country and the time (times)". Epoch is my fantasy.
Labour is a main hero of this song, it was an idol of Stalin's prewar time. That's why Stakhanovite movement was so important for USSR. The country was preparing to big war.

I'll keep thinking about the corrections.
Thank you guys!

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    金, 17/05/2019 - 18:10

I've tried to take the majority of Phil corrections. Thanks!
The word "племя" is very exotic in russian, the same way as in english. It's about Indian or ancient people in russian too, so I've kept it.