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Krasno-zheltye dni | Красно-желтые дни (英語 訳)

  • アーティスト: Viktor Tsoi (Виктор Цой)
  • 曲名: Krasno-zheltye dni | Красно-желтые дни 8 回翻訳しました
  • 翻訳: チェコ語, トランスリタレーション, トルコ語, フランス語, リトアニア語, 英語 #1, #2, #3
校正待ち

Krasno-zheltye dni | Красно-желтые дни

Застоялся мой поезд в депо.
Снова я уезжаю. Пора...
На пороге ветер заждался меня.
На пороге осень - моя сестра.
 
После красно-желтых дней
Начнется и кончится зима.
Горе ты мое от ума,
Не печалься, гляди веселей.
И я вернусь домой
Со щитом, а, может быть, на щите,
В серебре, а, может быть, в нищете,
Но как можно скорей.
 
Расскажи мне о тех, кто устал
От безжалостных уличных драм
И о храме из разбитых сердец
И о тех, кто идет в этот храм.
 
После красно-желтых дней
Начнется и кончится зима.
Горе ты мое от ума,
Не печалься, гляди веселей.
И я вернусь домой
Со щитом, а, может быть, на щите,
В серебре, а, может быть, в нищете,
Но как можно скорей.
 
А мне приснилось: миром правит любовь,
А мне приснилось: миром правит мечта.
И над этим прекрасно горит звезда,
Я проснулся и понял - беда...
 
После красно-желтых дней
Начнется и кончится зима.
Горе ты мое от ума,
Не печалься, гляди веселей.
И я вернусь домой
Со щитом, а, может быть, на щите,
В серебре, а, может быть, в нищете,
Но как можно скорей.
 
火, 23/01/2018 - 03:19にSt. SolSt. Solさんによって最終編集されました。
英語 訳英語
Align paragraphs
A A

The Red and Yellow Days

バージョン: #1#2#3
My train's stalled in the depot
Time has come - I'm departing again
The wind 's blowing while waiting for me
Autumn, sister of mine, is behind the door.
 
After the red and yellow days
The winter will begin and end
I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with a smile
And I will come back home
With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need
But as soon as I can
 
Tell me 'bout those who are tired
Due to ruthless street dramas
About the temple made of broken hearts
About those who are coming to it
 
After the red and yellow days
The winter will begin and end
I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with a smile
And I will come back home
With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need
But as soon as I can
 
I dreamed, I saw the Love that reigns
I dreamed, I saw the Dream that reigns
A star was shining brightly from the sky
I woke up understanding - it's grief...
 
After the red and yellow days
The winter will begin and end
I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with a smile
And I will come back home
With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need
But as soon as I can
 
Please don't hesitate to correct me, especially if the translation language is your native language.
With Best Regards,
© Alexander Laskavtsev
月, 08/06/2015 - 21:46にAlexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsevさんによって投稿されました。
木, 31/03/2016 - 07:18にAlexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsevさんによって最終編集されました。
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あなたの評価: None Average: 5 (1 vote)
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
コメント
quidnuncquidnunc    木, 30/07/2015 - 10:41

Wazzup! Teeth smile Here are some suggestions:

1). "My train stalled in the depot" - I think that Present Perfect suits here better, because this event has the impact on present time => "My train has stalled in the depot". But nowadays it's not so crucial anymore, so...
2). THE wind is blowing while waiting for me
3). I've got my woe from wit once again
Don't be sad, keep going with smile

In Russian, it definitely looks like he's talking to his woe from wit. So, it would be,
Oh, my woe from wit,
Don't be sad, keep going with A smile (don't forget "a")

4). With a silver, or being in need - the "a" is not needed, because silver is uncountable. If you need to put something there, so that it'd be singable, put "some":

With some silver, or being in need

5). Tell about those who are tired
I can't find the rule, but I'm quite sure that you have to say "tell someone" => Tell me

Tell me about those who are tired
Tell me of those who are tired

6). About the temple of broken hearts - would translate as И о храме разбитых сердец (without "из").
About the temple MADE of broken hearts

7). Star was shining nicely from sky => A star was shining nicely from THE sky
or
THE star was shining nicely from THE sky (in case it was some specific star:))
8 ). I woke up understanding - it's grief - it's A grief

Cheers! Teeth smile

Alexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsev    木, 30/07/2015 - 12:09

Oh, thank you so much, Kate!
I worry about the "singability" too much Regular smile
That is why I often tend to neglect of the grammar rules.
All of your suggestions were accepted, except the line about the "woe from wit". Though I realize that you're right concerning the context of the phrase, I needed a longer phrase there. So I had changed the meaning of the phrase slightly and as a result got the phrase of necessary length.

Щиро дякую! Regular smile

sandringsandring    木, 31/03/2016 - 07:08

Why, Alex! This is super! If need be my students will get your translation. There's no work for me left. But I'd suggest the following (I'm giving the same number of syllables not the break the rhythm.

1. With a shield, or maybe on it
With some silver, or being in need = May be in silver or may be in need
2. I woke up understanding - it's a grief..= I woke up to understand - it's disaster
(grief - страдание, неисчисляемое)
3. shining brightly - "nicely" is a misfit but I don't know why - just a feel.
Cheers! :love:

St. SolSt. Sol    月, 28/11/2016 - 17:46

Please check out the alternative English translation I've just posted, that hopefully fully preserved the lead voice's rhythmic structure.

St. SolSt. Sol    月, 28/11/2016 - 21:10

Well, after some careful polishing, I believe it does (as I always check my translations against music and lead vocals) Regular smile